Feeling very overwhelmed and blue....... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 07-30-2004, 09:58 AM - Thread Starter
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I am pg with #2.... my dd, Sarah, will be 2.5 when #2 is born...I dont know why but I feel so ambivilent about this baby. I mean, I/we were trying to get pg and it was MY idea. I just feel like I have bitten off more than I can chew, that dd will be crushed about the new baby and that our finances will not survive it all either.

I dont know whats the matter with me and I feel awful to even feel this way at all.....................I know its probably just hormones and the morning sickness but I sure wish there was a big rock to hide under..........

For the record, I am 38, my dh is helpful with Sarah,(changes cloth diapers and everything) I am not on the verge of bankruptcy or anything like that..............I am just a hormonal mess I guess!

Am I alone feeling like this? Tell me I am not crazy and that it'll all be ok eventually!!! :
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#2 of 8 Old 07-30-2004, 12:48 PM
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nah, your not alone. We were going to try for this baby in the Winter, but God had other plans, and we're of course due in March.

however, I don't have the first clue how were going to afford the homebirth, the diapers will be easy, ds is still in diapers, and nearly 3. The crib will be put on lay away, and pushed up by our bed for months. Breastfeeding takes a huge chunk out of the 'baby expense' and thankfully dh knows that.

It's the smaller things like loosing the office that are killing him. lol

But for me, desperatly wanting a homebirth, and not knowing where that $2000 is going to come from. I need to start pulling money out with each pay check to try to stock up. Anyway, your not alone, I feel your pain!

~Autumn~   Mama to whistling.gif (2001) and hearts.gif(2005) partners.gif madly in love since '99 
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#3 of 8 Old 07-30-2004, 02:23 PM
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I felt the same way with #2 and it did go away during the second trimester when I was less tired and felt better. I feel that way again now with #3. I am not really excited about being pregnant and when I feel really awful I wish I could go back in time and re-make the decision! It is horrible to have thoughts like that and I know in my head that a year and a half from now I will not regret it and be glad we did it.

But yes, I feel very overwhelmed and ambivalent, even though this was a planned pregnancy! I was worried the whole time during my 2nd pregnancy about how my daughter would adjust. Believe me- there will come a day when you will watch your two together and you will know you made the right decision and you will not be able to imagine how they'd get along without each other!
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#4 of 8 Old 07-30-2004, 03:17 PM - Thread Starter
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I am glad for the replies..............I am sure it'll be better soon.....I just keep telling myself---"Its the hormones!!" and hope it gets less freaky soon!! LOL!
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#5 of 8 Old 07-30-2004, 03:26 PM
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My daughter will also be approaching 2 1/2 when this babe is born. I've had some of the same ambivalent feelings. I've starting having the "what ifs:" What if I don't get to spend enough quality time with Maya? Or with either child? What if I don't enjoy this baby as much as Maya? What if I enjoy the new baby more? What if the baby comes out a gender that disappoints me?

I agree that hormones are playing a large part in our thought processes. Hormones did a number on me during my 3rd trimester last time, and I no longer ignore them!

I'm looking forward to feeling a stronger connection to the new baby. Right now, I rarely take time out to think about the new baby, talk to it, dream about names, etc. I'm hoping that when I feel the baby moving, it will be an unavoidable reminder to consider this babe in my thoughts throughout the day!

Wife to j, homeschooling mom to five wonders

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#6 of 8 Old 07-30-2004, 09:28 PM
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Originally Posted by LeShea
Am I alone feeling like this? Tell me I am not crazy and that it'll all be ok eventually!!! :

Oh, you are definitely not alone! I feel sad sometimes for the loss of our very settled life as a childless couple (no more deciding to go to a matinee at 11:00 on a Saturday morning!), scared that our house is too small, worried about finances, worried that the world is falling apart and why are we bringing children into it! Aaack!

Unfortunately, I think there's also a lot of pressure on pregnant women to feel happy about it all the time. People come up to me who know and ask if I am happy and exicited, and the truth is, I don't always feel that. Sometimes, I'm tired, nauseous and scared shitless, and even though there is an underlying joy, it is often masked by other emotions and realities. And frankly, I think that's healthy. It's realistic.

I can't help but think that with such a life-changing event accompanied by hormonal changes, there's bound to be emotional reactions, fears, insecurities. I'm no expert, as this is my first pregnancy, but what I do know is all the women that I know who have kids and who had doubts in pregnancy would never say that they're sorry they went through with it. I think about that all the time and it really puts things in perspective for me.

I hope this helps!
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#7 of 8 Old 07-31-2004, 03:08 AM
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I remember a few days before I delivered #2, sitting in a rocking chair with DS (then 21 months), rocking him, and promising him silently that he'd always be so special to me...I couldn't imagine how I could love another child, he was just so in my heart. And truthfully, it takes time. You feel that primal mama instinct towards a new one, but you have 2 years of bonding with the first...but of course, then I couldn't imagine life without my little girl. I thought I had such a perfect pair, I had trouble imagining where #3 would fit in. But of course he does.

Anyway, I think it's totally normal what you're feeling, and don't stress about it. I think this is why we get 9 months.....

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#8 of 8 Old 08-01-2004, 06:41 AM
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ah what a relief to read i'm not the only one! we've wanted this baby for a long time and planned this conception, but i've had ambivalence and some depression ever since getting pregnant. We are in a very bad situation with finances/employment and are not even sure where we'll be living when this baby is born, so I haven't been able to find a midwife yet. Having the constant support of my midwife was so important with #1. I also feel awful physically, much worse than with DS, so I have to remember how much that affects my mood. I also have to remember I didn't really enjoy pregnancy til 5 months last time, and then I looooved it and all ambivalence was gone, so I'm juts hanging in here till November...
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