my edd was saturday, the 23rd. definately the hardest day of my pregnancy. i awoke feeling murderous. and it got worse as the day went by. i had been so sure this babe would be earlier.
i am up every night, cleaning, or when there is nothing left to clean, i pace. literally pace. last night for 45 minutes walking circles around my living room. i am not sure wether it is mental or hormonal, but i do not sleep untill at least 2am. and i have contractions. so many nights i am fooled into thinking ths is it.
last night i worked really hard on letting go a little, like boof was talking about. i mean really, i am making myself miserable. i could afford to have a lot less attachment. the baby will come when he's ready. every day i am closer to holding him in my arms. why not just wait and relax? all this is true, and it is also so hard. i have tryed to will myself into labor and it is not working. so i try to release it and make peace with whatever the night brings.
last time, with dd, on my due date i began taking blue cohosh, because i just 'couldnt' wait anymore. she was born 3 days after my due date. it was fine and beautiful, but this time around, i promised myself early on that i would do better at being patient when the time came. i think i am older, wiser, and want to use this as a learning and growing experience. i want to trust that i will go into labor without any force on my part.
it is hard though. i am really struggling.