Anyone else pg after a loss or losses? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 16 Old 10-19-2004, 06:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm finding this pg very difficult after losing Julianna in May. It's scary that this little one is due just 7 days after her anniversary. It's nice to come here and be among lots of positive pg vibes and i'm curious if anyone else due in May might commiserate (just a little) over here. I know there is a whole forum for pg after loss but i was wondering if there's anyone here that might like to talk.
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#2 of 16 Old 10-19-2004, 09:26 PM
 
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Oh momma just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you...
I am not pregnant after a loss... I'm so sorry about your little angel....
Will you be having this baby at home? I really hope and pray everything goes well for you, I can't even imagine what it must be like...
were you ever given a reason as to why? I'm so sorry again momma... hang in there

Amanda, wife to Ed mama to Logan, Phoenix, Indigo and snuggle bunny EZRA RAIN has arrived
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#3 of 16 Old 10-19-2004, 10:25 PM
 
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When I was preg with dd I was blissfully unaware of all the bad stuff that can happen. While I haven't suffered my own loss, I now know so many who have. I have moments of pure terror now... thinking of what could happen to this amazing little stranger I'm already in love with.

Lot's of to you mama. You lived through the thing I fear and that makes me
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#4 of 16 Old 10-20-2004, 10:43 AM
 
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mama, I'm so sorry about your Julianna. I won't pretend that my miscarriage in '97 was even close to the same experience that you had, but a couple of things helped me out a lot with my next pregnancy. I rented a doppler from BabyBeat.com and listened to Kaylee's heartbeat several times a day, from 10 wks on until I could feel her moving very predictably. I know it didn't help prevent any bad things from happening, but it did reassure me that she was still alive. At about 36 wks I go in for regular non-stress tests- they monitor her heartrate and do a quick ultrasound to check the cord, fluid, etc. After a stillbirth, I know you might be delivering via scheduled induction/c-sec at 37 wks or so, so I'm not sure that would help you out any. I also pray a lot, and it's helpful to me. I don't know what your beliefs are, though.

Hang in there- I can't imagine the fear in your heart, but I hope everything goes perfectly for you this time.

Half-marathon running Mommy to 3 spunky girls and 1 sweet boy. Spending my days and nights where my kids need me most- at home with them!!

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#5 of 16 Old 10-20-2004, 05:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all for your support! I don't want to bring everybody down but it weighs too heavy on my mind to pretend everything's fine and normal on this forum but not others.

I am working with the same wonderful midwives again and am as yet undecided about home or hospital. My heart says home again. There was no known cause of death so I don't feel like i'm in a higher risk category than i was before. I will definetely not be having a planned cesarean or induction. I loved my birth up until the end when she didn't breath. Where are you all going to birth?
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#6 of 16 Old 10-20-2004, 09:10 PM
 
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Just wanted to say that my thought are with you for a happy ending and a healthy pregnancy. Hugs to you.

Jodie, married to my best friend and Mama to three amazing kiddos, Jack (6), Matthew (4) and Sam (21 months) and cautiously waiting for a new little one due early spring (shhh, it's a secret!)
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#7 of 16 Old 10-20-2004, 09:45 PM
 
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Yes I have been there. I lost my first child 1999. When I got pregnant again two years later I was so scared, but I was actually able to get through it becuase to me this second pregnancy was my little angel coming back to us. Ironically enought my second child was born exactly two years to the exact day that I lost my first child. I found that extrememly comforting. Now on my DS's birthday we have a ritual of decorating a wreath with fresh flowers and hanging it umoung my son's birhtday decorations to honor the child we lost also on that day. It is hard but you will get through it. Just keep holding on to the memory.

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#8 of 16 Old 10-20-2004, 10:14 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by berkeleyp
Where are you all going to birth?
Dd was born at a birth center and this one will be at home. We interview our first midwife on Friday and I'm all a-twitter.

I'm glad you're chosing to have another homebirth and not let that fear push you into a situation you may not feel "safe" in. You are one powerful mama.
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#9 of 16 Old 10-21-2004, 10:22 AM
 
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Quote:
Where are you all going to birth?
I'll be giving birth in the hospital for the 3rd time. With my 2nd dd, we had a major problem with cord compression well into my labor and the nurses and my OB all felt that we would have lost her shortly before delivery if I hadn't been on continuous fetal monitoring- they had to shift me to get her head off the cord, and my OB had to use the vacuum on the last push- Lexi just wasn't tolerating the loss of oxygen. I also had cfm with my first and feel most comfortable with that, so the hospital is the place for us. The new birthing unit has all private rooms w/jet tubs and a bed for dad to sleep in and is brand new, so it'll be neat to see it this time around.

Half-marathon running Mommy to 3 spunky girls and 1 sweet boy. Spending my days and nights where my kids need me most- at home with them!!

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#10 of 16 Old 10-21-2004, 12:11 PM
 
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berkelyp,

I was just wandering around looking for updates from a friend of mine who is due in May...so I'm not pregnant.

anyway, I read this that you said:

Quote:
There was no known cause of death so I don't feel like i'm in a higher risk category than i was before.
and wanted to let you know that you actually are at a higher risk for another stillbirth. Not what you wanted to hear I'm sure, but I feel like Knowledge is Power & wanted you to know. Your risk more than triples. You still have a 97% chance of NOT having a still born baby, but where you don't know the cause, you may want to opt for more intensive prenatal care.

You might want to do a bit of reading/research on the subject (I know how painful it might be) and then make a well-informed decision about where you will feel safe.

Here's a link you may find helpful: http://www.wisc.edu/wissp/when.htm

Best wishes & good thoughts to you...a happy & healthy 9 months & beyond.
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#11 of 16 Old 10-21-2004, 12:17 PM
 
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s Mamma. I can't begin to think of what you have gone through. I'm glad to hear that you haven't lost your yourself or your ability to birth after losing your little girl.

I'm planning my 2nd VBAC at home. I hope whether you ulitmately chose home or hospital to birth, the decision is one you are totally at peace with. s again.
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#12 of 16 Old 10-22-2004, 01:42 PM
 
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Had a miscarraige before Samuel. Never really sunk in...took a pregnancy test and then next day started bleeding. THe hard part though was waiting 5 weeks for the miscarraige to complete. My levels kept going up normally and on the ultrasound they found out why...four gestational sacs, but no hearbeats.

Didn't want a D and C, so I opted to wait. My OB perscirbed Cytotec and it appeared that my body absorbed most of the tissue.

So sorry for your loss though, OP. What a hard thing to think about at a joyful time like this for you.

Blessings,
Melinda
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#13 of 16 Old 10-22-2004, 06:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Rocker- that is so intense that your ds was born on the two year anniversary of your first. Did your first have a name? How far into the pg were you when you lost him/her. I also am in a position where this new baby is due just 7 days after Julianna's anniversary so they could very well share a birthday. I also love the idea that she might be coming back to us. Sometimes i'm conflicted about that though - i worry that its not good for my grief process to imagine that i haven't really lost her and she's coming back to me.

Amanda - thanks for the info. I'll have to do some research. I'll definetely check out the link. There's so little research done on stillbirths and different types are not seperated out. In my mind, Julianna died of SIDS inside the birth canal. Hospital or not, i will probably have more testing done just to ease my mind. Last time, we didn't even have an ultrasound. I need to talk more with my midwives as well. They are CNM's so i trust them a lot.
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#14 of 16 Old 10-25-2004, 08:55 PM
 
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Berkeley,
Hi Mama!
I just wanted to offer my support to you (I'm glad you posted here!) even though I am obviously not due in May (or even PAL).

To clarify something a pp wrote, this is a quote from that WISS w/s :
Quote:
Generally one stillbirth does not predict another.
In the research that I've read, 3% of all pregnancies are lost in the 3rd trimester- a very low number, statistically. You don't necessarily have a higher risk for s/b in subsequent pg, unless you've been identified as having certain risk factors or disorders like APS, lupus, and others.

Ultimately you will have to figure out a balance of testing/intervention with what your heart is telling you (which is exactly what you're doing). We of all people that there are absolutely no guarantees. I'm sending you lots of prayers and good wishes for a peaceful pg and delivery.



~bowing out of your thread and forum ~
Love,
ST
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#15 of 16 Old 10-27-2004, 02:56 PM
 
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Hi Berkely! I'm technically due June 6th, but I saw my OB for the first time this morning and he is shooting for 37 weeks, when I'll most likely be induced, so thats the middle of may I am really going with all the intervention possible this time. For 4 weeks I walked around with an angel already in heaven, and I'm NOT going to let that happen again. 4 weeks is too long to not know that your baby had died! So anyhow I'm going in to the dr every 2 weeks, and he's going to do frequent ultrasounds. As I get further along he'll do frequent NST's as well. My first appt was this morning and it feels SO nice to know that someone actually cared, and wanted to watch me more closely. I've not only had several losses, but also severe pre-e with my two live children, so I'm considered high risk.

I am scared to death though. Excited, but scared to death. I don't say "when the baby comes", I say "if the baby comes." And when they say you are due in June, I say HOPEFULLY. Nothing is certain, and I won't take anything for granted. Its a one day at a time type of thing... I just keep telling myself one day at a time. Hopefully next May we'll both have two sweet babies in our arms that we can actually bring home. I'm not leaving the hospital without a baby this time!
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#16 of 16 Old 10-27-2004, 04:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Sweet Teach is so wonderful to pop over here!

Tappin : How did I miss that you were pg too? I've missed you at the MOA board. Stay here with the May mommas if you'll be having your babe in May. Congratulations. I'm so happy for you! I'm really glad that you found docs that you feel so comfortable with who seem like they're gonna really help your piece of mind. I'm probably not gonna have too many tests done. I don't think they would have helped last time and I don't feel like I need them. Of course our situations are very different so I totally understand your desire for testing. I think I may buy one of those at home doppler things so that I can feel this babe's heartbeat just for reassurance whenever I want. I've heard that this can be very helpful.

[quote]I don't say "when the baby comes", I say "if the baby comes." And when they say you are due in June, I say HOPEFULLY. Nothing is certain[quote]

I do the exact same thing and I hate it.
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