Keeping it secret! - Mothering Forums

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Old 10-23-2004, 10:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Only my DS and Best Best Girl friend (she guessed week 4!) know that I am pg. I feel so protective of my pg and my privacy. I really do not want people to know I am pg at work. In fact, I don't want to share with any one. Has any one felt this way? I am trilled to be pg in every way and yet I am not shouting it from the mountains. Rather, the further along I get the less I want to tell. How long can I wait to tell family before it is insulting? :
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Old 10-23-2004, 01:38 PM
 
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Is this your first pregnancy? Alot of people wait untill 12 weeks... so they are past the time that a m/c would probably happen. This time we told people right away were too excited... It was just the right time for us...
I guess I'd say anything past 12 weeks is insulting, well thats not the right word... More uncomfortable... if that makes sense...

Amanda, wife to Ed mama to Logan, Phoenix, Indigo and snuggle bunny EZRA RAIN has arrived
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Old 10-25-2004, 06:30 PM
 
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You'll know when it's right for you. My older boys still don't know. My family, his family don't know (minus my SIL whom I am especially close to). We are waiting to tell everyone until after the boys know. They should know before Great Aunt Marion, don't ya think? We were thinking of having the family attend the next prenatal with the MW. They know her and may figure out whats going on before we try to listen to the heartbeat, but I am still on the fence about using the doppler in early pregnancy... I figure that they will know sometime before the baby is crowning.

When you are obviously showing people will start asking. You can either tell them that you are just "VERY" bloated or are infact with child. :LOL

I did tell my circle of close friends though right away. I needed some support and encouragement as this pregnancy was a HUGE suprise and was taken off guard. Plus I felt if I was to lose the baby early that this is the group that would help left me up and support me through it, just as they are doing now as my head is spinning with the thought of mothering a 9y/o, 6½y/o, 2½y/o and newborn!! Not to mention the housework!!
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Old 10-25-2004, 06:57 PM
 
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With our first, we found out we were pg 1 month before the wedding. We decided to keep the news from our families until after the wedding but we told many of our friends. I'm no good at keeping secrets, plus I felt like we needed the support. I was about 14 weeks when we got back from our honeymoon and let them know. A lot of family members guessed anyway! With #2 and this one, we told people right away. I guess I figured it was no secret and if I were to miscarry, that wouldn't be secret either.
I think its entirely up to you when you decide to tell people. Etiquette shouldn't come into it.
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Old 10-25-2004, 07:56 PM
 
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With this pregnancy (#3) I felt so different about telling people. I told everyone right away with the first 2, but this time I waited until 12 weeks. I felt like we were going to get a bit of the "ANOTHER one?" response, and I didn't feel like dealing with it since I was dealing with hormones and mixed feelings anyway. While this was an intentional pregnancy, I felt very depressed for those first weeks feeling like maybe I had made a mistake. My midwife assured me it was normal! 3rd time and onwards moms KNOW they are crazy!

Ellen
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Old 10-25-2004, 08:08 PM
 
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with all of our pregnancies we wait for the longest time to tell anyone. with #1 we got pg in nov and told people starting in feb. with #2 we got pg in aug and told our familes before thanksgiving, and this time we got pg in aug and are going to tell people next week. this time some of my close friends already know because i am HUGE. i look 5 mo pg already, so it's not like i can hide that.

we wait so that we don't have to go back and tell the family that we lost the baby, and also because i hate dealing with all of the opinoins, and suggestons, and comments, and "don't you use birth control"...................... all of that kind of stuff.
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Old 10-27-2004, 06:05 PM
 
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I agree that whatever feels right for you is when you should tell. Screw etiquette. We still haven't told Dh's family or my dad. Dh hasn't told any of his friends but i've told almost all of mine. With #1, we told everyone by week 7. I have to add that having had a loss, i don't think waiting until you're out of the danger period is necessarily a good idea. Depending on the level of support you have, i think it's good to have people know that you were pg in the first place so that they can mourn with you should the worst happen. It must hurt to have a m/c but not tell anyone.

We're waiting to tell dh's family because i dread their comments and over criticalness that I know will come. They're gonna be watching my every move, wondering if i'm doing something wrong.
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Old 11-09-2004, 03:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My first was a home labour, beautiful and alone. There was a complication, baby breech, and so I went to the hospital 10cm and pushing. My family and friends were cool and reserved. They never said much. Just lots of talking behind my back. They don't understand where I'm coming from. I love birthing. It is what it is. . .very private. I just do not want to deal with the bs. The eyebrows, the questions. I don't live so far away from my family. . . Plus it is winter in Canada. "Is that a bulky sweater set or are you caring a baby in there" The longer I leave it the sillier I feel. I feel dishonest when people ask and I give a vague answer.
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