DH just really shocked me.. questions for HB mamas - Mothering Forums

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Old 11-10-2004, 08:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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He said he would be willing to consider a homebirth if we make it to 36 weeks!!!!!!!!!

He wants to talk it over with the DR though and I know that is a bad bad idea.
He is basically a chicken (his words) and wants to be a safe as possible. I convinced him that the midwife is experienced enough to know when to trnasfer to the hospital (which is only 5 minutes from my house).

I need resources that talk positively about homebirth... but not too negatively about dr's and hospitals. Does such a resource exist?
I would like him to be confident in the decision. I want him to read about it and how the chances of the cord being wrapped around the neck many times like it was last time isn't greater because it already happened once. (my gut says he wasn't quite ready to come)


Do I call the midwife now and see if she would take me on if I make it to 36 weeks?

I can't believe that he is actually considering it!!!


THanks
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Old 11-11-2004, 12:27 AM
 
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How about anything by Sheila Kitzinger? She's great. That should help in the reading material dept. I agree with what Michele said. Maybe if he talked to the midwife himself, she could give him information.

anna kiss partner to jon radical mama to aleks (8/02) and bastian (5/05)
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Old 11-11-2004, 01:12 PM
 
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Yea, for having such an open, thinking DH, Nina!! I have some fliers/handouts that I have available for my homebirth support group, if you are interested. LMK, ok?

As for the cord being wrapped around your DD's neck... It's a VERY common occurance. My 1st had it wrapped 4 times, actually looking like a blue pearl necklace with no ill effects. His Apgars were 8 and 9. With my last birth Gabe had his cord around his shoulders and then again around his body, his apgars were 10 and 10. Evryone's experience is different but this is my own, if it helps any.

I think often times Dr's make a bigger deal about nuchal cords than really has to be. Here is a good starting point for gather info about the safety of HB http://www.changesurfer.com/Hlth/homebirth.html I totally agree that you should DH in to sit and talk with a HB mw. She'll be able to address his concerns head on and there is nothing beter in my experience with my own DH than getting the info direct from the source.
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Old 11-13-2004, 02:40 PM
 
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It sounds like you should defineltey go talk to a midwife. As to 36 weeks. Why wouldn't you make it first of all? And second, midwives won't deliver at home until after 37 weeks. They'll definetley want to have seen you throughout the pg though. i had a homebirth with my first and i'm sad to say that she died in the birth canal. I'm not telling you this to scare you, all indications show that a hospital couldn't have done anything differently. I'm in the process of trying to convince my dh that it is safe to have another hb.
My midwives have been really great so far at calming his (and my fears). Some good books are "gentle birth" by barbara harper and "a good birth, a safe birth" (don't remember the author) which my midwife just gave to me and dh and told us it would help calm our fears a lot. All studies have shown that for low risk women, assisted hb is as safe if not safer than hospital birth as long as you can get to a hospital fairly quickly in case of emergency. NOt only is it safer but the babies and moms tend to be healthier, higher apgar scores, lower risk of infection. Just my .02. Good luck convincing dh! I think mine is just gonna give in because he knows how important it is to me but i really wish that he would be truly supportive. I think it's hard for men because they are so out of control when it comes to birth. Feel free to pose any more questions. I'm sure i'm not the only mama here with tons more info about hb.
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Old 11-16-2004, 03:09 PM
 
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I found that the book called Gentle Birth Choices by Barbara Harper to be EXCELLENT! She is factual as opposed to emotionally bias when talking about how childbirth became meicalized and the consequences of that. I really enjoyed it. Its got stats, BEAUTIFUL pictures and is easy to read.

When I tell some people we're having a HB they say Im brave - I say that anyone planning a hospital birth is brave!
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Old 11-16-2004, 03:33 PM
 
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Good Birth, Safe Birth is by Diana Korte and Roberta Scaer.

And another great read is Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer

The second is based on medical research and has a ton of statistics to help show how safe what she calls the "midwifery model" of birth really is, and how the "obstetrical model" may actually lead to more c/s and interventions than are necessary.

Kudo's to your DH for considering it! So many are dead set against anything like that.

Blessings and GL!,
Nichol
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Old 11-16-2004, 05:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I probably should reply now

I have an excuse... I had my cerclage put in on friday and have been on bedrest. I am at home today, but DH is at school and both kids have fevers.... making bedrest impossible! So here I am!
Thanks for all the information.
I need to stay away from anything that gives any sort of negative to hospitals though.... including the evils of c/s and interventions. Dh knows that I am DEAD SET against a c/s, but still thinks that oftentimes Dr knows best. And in the case of DD I am glad that the OB was there.

I am considered high risk.. I have an incompetent cervix.. according to the Dr who placed my cerclage on friday my cervix is as soft as butter UGH!
So I need to be watched by an OB until after 36 weeks (when they take out the stitch)
My friend is due in a few weeks and will be having a home birth. She is going to bring up shadow care to the midwife and then I will give her a call.

As for the cord issue.. I know it is common and usually no problem. Ds was a little bit more serious he had it wrapped four times and couldn't drop. I was having contractions and yet nothing was happening because he was too high. They convinced me (against my better judgement.. I hate it when I listen to "them" and not my instincts!) to break my water and that is when the trouble started. There was no longer that cushion keeping him afloat and we started to lose his heartbeat. The dr had to unwrap the cord inside of me 3 times (dh almost passed out at the sight of the dr's arm inside me up to his elbow!) and then cut the last loop before he was all the way out. He was fine after delivery though. But Dh is convinced that he would have hung himself eventually and the Dr saved him.

That is why my DH is indeed brave for even considering a HB. After DD scaring us by trying to be so early (really my cervix fault) and then the cord issue... he really thought that our births are cursed.

Desa, I would like to see your handouts!

Thanks all for the great advice!

Nina
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Old 11-17-2004, 10:46 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aslmere
Desa, I would like to see your handouts!
i don't know if your DH will get a lot of comfort out of the handouts but they are factual based but rather biased agaist hospitals. Send me you private mail and i will FWD them to you... They are MS Word doc.
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