Complain about your MIL (or anyone else) - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 4 Old 12-02-2004, 12:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I stole this idea from the June Forum Hopefully they won't care. I generally like to complain about my MIL but don't get me wrong I do think she is a great lady .... just a little over bearing sometimes.

My MIL is already planning to have the baby spend most of his/her time at her house after birth. I am going to school next semester as well, and I understand there is a possibility I could have Peanut before school is out and I will have to finish school on my own time (it would be towards the end of the semester anyway so I would most likely just get an incomplete). Well, my MIL said she will be keeping the baby next summer so I can focus on school. Hmm I am thinking I will be keeping the baby next summer. I am not working or taking any classes in order to spend all my time with our newborn. I probably took it wrong but I imagined her coming and taking the baby and saying something like" You can come visit anytime. Just be sure to focus on getting that schoolwork done" I am just trying to figure out how she is going to breastfeed the baby!!! :LOL It's not really that bad I just feel like she may try to take over everything when Peanut is born.
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#2 of 4 Old 12-02-2004, 01:10 PM
 
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May '04 Mommy here, but I thought I'd share my mil pregnancy stories. Fortunately most of mil's complaints get filtered by dh, but some of them get through.

1) She was not happy that I was seeing a midwife. I still had dd in a hospital - I can only imagine what her reaction would be if I were to tell her that I wanted to have the next at home, or at least in a birthing center. Too bad for me that the midwife group I saw worked in a hospital and really weren't much "better" than many of the ob's.

2) She was very upset that I was "only" getting 1 ultrasound. To think that I considered not getting any! Apparently she was concerned because her friend's daughter got 4 ultrasounds during her pregnancy. I asked multiple times what she expected me to find out from an ultrasound and gave up when she couldn't answer. (I actually ended up with 4 ultrasounds because of different circumstances, but we never brought it up with mil again.)

At this point (dd is 6 months old) I've just come to realize that she and I don't see eye-to-eye on things and I've gotten so much better at ignoring her ignorant/stupid comments.
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#3 of 4 Old 12-02-2004, 06:26 PM
 
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Oh my-lanta - I could almost hog this thread all bymyself.

MIL babysits Elijah..because I have to work. No getting around it. (Stupid college kids using credit cards and buying new cars...sheesh!) She's great because I know she isn't going to hurt my son, and she loves him to pieces. AND although we do have to pay her (she quit her job to take care of Elijah) its much cheaper than any other child care provider we would have......BUT

She thinks she's mom. No just to Elijah, DH and me..to EVERYONE. Dispite DH and I telling her Bathtime was special to me and DH (when he was 4 months..) she just says "okay" and still persists to give him a bath, almost daily. I got Elijah's haircut by one of my aunts..a hair stylist at Regis. She was mad that she didn't get ot do it, so now she "upkeeps" Elijah's hair, so we won't have to get it cut. DH won't tell her not to. We tell her things like..."a good snack that he likes and is healthy is....." "We don't eat pork, and don't want him to either." All stuff she just throws out the window. She acts like she hears us..but doesn't do ANY of it. We are together at Thanksgiving time, and Elijah is getting his fair share of food. (We have two families to go to) I feed him at my grandma's a pretty good amount...twice! We get to MIL's who insists he's hungry. BIG SURPRISE when he doesn't eat much..this is after I tell her he's just eaten. Then she gives him a piece of sugar candy. Well, my mom's version is "potato candy" made with Potato's and confectioner (sp?) sugar. MIL's is made with CRISCO and confectioner sugar. I tell her one is plenty..he'll be up end up not sleeping. She goes in the kitchen and gives him another one "because he wanted it" WELL DUH he wants it. What kid is going to turn down SUGAR???? Then at another dinner, they were giving him cake, and DH said he's had enough sweets. Do you think they stop??? ARG. I probably should stop because I'm actually getting aggervated again. This has been an issue with me since I went back to work. One more thing...Birthday party. DH and I decide to throw a party at OUR house. You know..normal stuff, family - party. Cake, Ice cream, maybe some snacks. Well, not only does MIL say we don't have a big enough house, but refuses to hand out invitations because she insists that she's going to have one of her own at her place. After we told he we weren't having two parties (we're not a divorced family..we're not going to behave like one!) we sent invitations out to DH's side of the family anyway...MIL got upset and gave every one of the invitations we gave her to hand out to give back to us..and says "I'm not giving these out to any one else since you did that!" Um, they were all accounted for..she wasn't handing them out anyway, so whats the difference?

Its out of control. And I have learned that I canNOT be the one who talks to her. DH has to do it. But she's always been a control freak, and DH can't get her to listen to one word he says. I LOVE that we do have a place we can take DS, that isn't a daycare, and that she does love him. And maybe some of this stuff is really petty. But its frusterating. I really do NOt want to go back to work when this next baby comes. I don't know if or how its going to work...but its my goal.
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#4 of 4 Old 12-03-2004, 01:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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That's the thing about my MIL too. She is the boss of the family. Everyone listens to her and calls her for advice. She's like the rock for the family. SO she pretty much controls everything. She's really great and nice but sometimes too overbearing and difficult. I used to say I was moving out of the state to have children because she would try to take control of everything.
Part of my problem is that dh is a mama's boy and she loves it. When he started teaching, she took him "school" shopping for clothes and supplies for his classroom. Then she would have him bring his clothes to her house to be washed, ironed and have his outfits for the week ready :Puke . I had to make that stop. I told dh he was not a child anymore. It is time for him to take care of these things himself ... not to mention he's married. I think when you are 27 years old you are able to pick out your own clothes and get them ready for work. She wouldn't even give me the opportunity to go shopping with him or iron his clothes for him. It really irked me. They both did. She was still doing laundry for her 23 yr old who doesn't live at home anymore. I have a hard time with this because I was raised to be independent. I began doing my own laundry by the time I was 10. By the time I was in high school (even middle school I think) I was responsible for my own clothes. I washed folded and ironed them. So, it is really difficult for me to grasp adult men depending on their mothers to take care of their clothes. My dh is getting much better now. He stopped taking his clothes to her. Now we take care of those things ourselves.
I am scared when Peanut is born she will try to raise him/her herself or tell us how we should be doing it.
She is really nice to me and treats me as if I were her own daughter. I cannot sit here and act like she is the worst person in the world, she's not.
She does a lot for us, which in a way makes me feel like she is our boss and we have to do what she wants. Oh this can go on forever. I'll talk about Christmas later. But don't let me forget. That is another one in itself. Dh is more the problem there than anyone.
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