I am so sick of.... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 16 Old 01-10-2005, 11:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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my weight being an issue for EVERYONE else but me. I know I am small for being 6 months along but please show me where it says it is a MUST for every pregnant woman to blow up like a huge whale once she pees on the stick! My FIL lectured my husband today about making sure I was eating enough cause I "don't look pregnant". My dad and all the friends I have in Utah constantly ask if I have "gotten fat yet" and my mom asks if I have a "buddha belly" yet. I'm pregnant not obese!!! I am naturally small....always have been and always will be. I have been sick (like throwing up and losing weight sick) for over a month and am now getting better (it was a bacterial infection so it wasn't morning sick type sick). I am gaining weight and I am sorry that I have not gained as much as their wives. It pisses me off that they are comparing me to my mom (naturally big and considered obese most of her life), my stepmom (who topped 200 BEFORE her 4 month mark and wouldn't get on a scale after that), my MIL (again naturally bigger, weight issues most of her life), and my sister in law (who is about a foot taller than me!). All these women gain weight different than me and I am so sick and tired of being told I don't weigh enough. The baby is fine, I am fine and there is nothing they can do about it. I would love to tell them all to shut the hell up right now. I am eating and I am gaining weight and frankly it is none of the damn business.

Thanks for reading.

Oh one more thing. Why is it suddenly everyone elses baby and why the hell are they claiming it like it is? I am so sick of hearing MY, MY, MY baby this and that! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!

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#2 of 16 Old 01-11-2005, 12:37 AM
 
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First of all,

I understand how you feel. Although my lack of belly has not been an issue. My dh thinks I am smaller than most people at this point in pregnancy. In fact he even said "I hope he's not a midget" Hmmm.... surely they would have said something at the u/s. Everyone grows at their own rate. As long as you and your baby are healthy then what difference does it make? I know a woman who said her mother didn't even show with her until she was going into L&D, literally. I know it can be frustrating hearing all the comments. My mil has had me so frustrated that all I could do was cry. She thinks this is her and my dh's child. I got left out somewhere. Not to mention she already has her mother lined up for babysitting in the fall (I'll be back in college, but I will not be in class all day). Hello ? Isn't that my dh's and my responsibilty. Don't we decide who takes care of our child? Errr. Then there is my mom who was there for a little while but now is MIA. She suffers from depression and often will not answer the phone. Today was it. I decided I will not call her again. I am her only child, if she choses not to be apart of my life then so be it. There is no point in me begging her. I have done all I can. Sorry to go on my own rant.

I hope things get better for you.
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#3 of 16 Old 01-11-2005, 01:41 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Glad to hear I am not the only one. I keep telling people that this is my first and I am small....I am not some 5'8 women with her third child! I will not pop out hugely right away. It irritates me to no end that it has become everyone elses issue. If there was a problem, something would have been said at our last ultrasound. My husband asked me the other night, "shouldn't you have more of a stomach by now?" I just want to cry!!!! I can only do so much and my body will only let me gain so much!!!! They should be happy I've got a stomach and I'm not all boobs (at five weeks I had almost gone up a complete cup size and a half!!!!). Growing started in the wrong place but it's definitely there!!!! I wish they would all just drop it. My sister in law is pregnant as well, BUG HER!!!!!! My mom only gained four pounds with TWINS so I know we are not going to get huge!

The guy at the movie place asked if I was pregnant so it's not like I am rail thin and not showing! So there you stupid jerks!!!! !I am showing!!!!!!!

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#4 of 16 Old 01-11-2005, 02:50 PM
 
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I wouldn't worry to much about what other people are saying. This is your first baby. You probably won't POP until the very end and then you will get the other end of the spectrum of comments, "Whoooaaa! How many are you having?" or "Got twins or a baby elephant in there" or "You know you have to take the weight off after the baby is born? Be careful how much you put on!"

I think most people mean well, they are just insensitive to how their words sound to a soon to be mamma. I didn't really show with my 1st until I was in my 7th month. And even then people would ask *IF* I was pregnant... No I just like sporting this basketball size growth for fun! :LOL

As long as you are gaining weight, you are healthy and your belly/baby are doing well you have nothing to worry about! You should either ignore them all or tell them to go scratch! This is only the beginning of unwanted/unneeded advice/comments that you will be getting until you are able to get it across to your family and friends that you have it handled, so please butt out!!! And even them when they respect those boundaries, the public at large will often do a fine job of irritating the HELL out of you!

Just wait until you ARE onto baby #3 and you start showing before you even get a positive pregnancy test.
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#5 of 16 Old 01-11-2005, 03:20 PM
 
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Hey, I'm one of those people who shows only in the belly. I struggle to gain weight in the early months (or at least I did with my first pregnancy, this time I don't care so much). Heck, I struggle to gain weight ever. But no one ever said anything to me about it luckily. If you're naturally small, you probably will not gain weight like other people do. You probably never have. As long as you know that you are eating what you need to for you and your baby and you start to gain weight steadily, it's not an issue.

And Desa is right, the public at large, as well as your own family, will indeed do a fine job of irritating the hell out of you.

anna kiss partner to jon radical mama to aleks (8/02) and bastian (5/05)
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#6 of 16 Old 01-11-2005, 03:51 PM
 
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I'm there too. I show up front..and ONLY up front (apparently no matter what I'm having) And honestly...I have friends (and I'm sure there are those on here too keeping quiet) who gain a LOT while PG, and then have a hard time loosing it at the end. We "little" people do have it easier...I'm thankful, but honestly...I also don't need to be reminded every single day how "lucky" I am I don't gain that much weight...or how its not fair. How you can't even tell I'm PG from the back..etc, etc. Obviously the "harassment" towards me isn't near as extreme as what you seem to be going through...but it still makes me want to tell everyone to please mind their own business..

And everyone is correct about the end of your pregnancy getting big and everyone asking how many you're having, etc.... My biggest thing was when I was in my last couple weeks, I'd have the same people coming in every single day asking "are you still here?" I wanted to tell themat them "NO, I'm a FIGMENT of your IMAGINATION." (I also worked in the front lobby..saying things like that was out of the question! lol) Being PG allows people to get on your nerves much more easily. MOST of the time everyone means well...but it still just gets on our nerves.
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#7 of 16 Old 01-11-2005, 04:31 PM
 
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On the flip side... kind of... I was obese to begin with (both pregnancies). I don't, however, gain weight during pregnancy. I gained less than 10 with DS and am about where I started this time around. No one bothers me about it because, like I said, I was big to begin with but it also doesn't seem to bother my midwives (both this time and last time).

I don't know what it is that suddenly makes women become public property once they 'pee on the stick'. I often feel so overwhelmed by the lack of privacy in our lives. I've gotten pretty surly with a couple of family members recently and I think they are getting the message. But we shouldn't have to get nasty before people back off.
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#8 of 16 Old 01-11-2005, 04:58 PM
 
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I don't know what it is that suddenly makes women become public property once they 'pee on the stick'. I often feel so overwhelmed by the lack of privacy in our lives. I've gotten pretty surly with a couple of family members recently and I think they are getting the message. But we shouldn't have to get nasty before people back off.
What does make women "public property" once they get the double line? I had no idea until the day I burted it out - then it was over. I could no longer have personal space or my very own ideas. Suddenly, I have become a petting toy for SOME family members. Don't bother to ask just reach out there and start feeling my body as you please. No, it's not my personal space. It's for you to look and feel on as you please. Go ahead, raise my shirt it's your body do what you want with it. Oh and how about, you should eat this and that but not such and such. Oh, you did what? Don't pick that up you can't handle it, you're pregnant. I think "wow, I'm pregnant. gee I didn't know that. I was wondering why my belly seemed to be protruding"

Really, my issue is mostly the in-laws. My family is on the other end of not really being there. Friends have been wonderful and very supportive. I am greatful for them. The ones who have yet to have children have a hard time understanding sometimes, but they definately try. I'd go nuts if I didn't have my friends to talk to about my wants and fears for this baby.
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#9 of 16 Old 01-11-2005, 05:06 PM
 
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Tish,

I haven't had anybody lift my shirt, but one of my co-workers just wouldn't get off my back in the restoom one day until show her my belly. Like I'm a freak show or something. This is insane.

Valeria
dd 05.17.2005
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#10 of 16 Old 01-11-2005, 05:13 PM
 
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Well, it's dh's family who seems to feel the need to do this. I really don't understand it. It makes me feel gross when they do that and look at it. The only person I think should see my belly is dh and that's it!!!
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#11 of 16 Old 01-11-2005, 05:20 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Velvet005
Well, it's dh's family who seems to feel the need to do this. I really don't understand it. It makes me feel gross when they do that and look at it. The only person I think should see my belly is dh and that's it!!!
I share some of my pg belly pictures with my friends, but I do it because I feel like it, not because I am being pushed into a corner and forced to. And that is different.

Valeria
dd 05.17.2005
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#12 of 16 Old 01-11-2005, 06:45 PM
 
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That's the thing. It's YOUR body and it should be your choice. I have actually showed my closest friends my belly but only because I wanted to. They never asked me, I offered. My dh is the only one who doesn't have to or need to ask. Not that I do not want him to respect my body the same as everyone else but he is my dh and I enjoy it when he has that contact with me. I didn't mean to sound like I didn't want to share my belly with anyone. I worded the previous post wrong. I just meant the others shouldn't be freely touching me as they please.
Sorry to change this thread from being sick of people complaining about not gaining enough weight to being sick of people freely touching you :

Hope you all aren't upset.
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#13 of 16 Old 01-11-2005, 07:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Glad to see it's not just me!!!! My sister was telling me that people where she works (not co-workers but customers mind you) will reach OVER the counter and feel her stomach. What the hell? The funny thing about all this is when I was in 10th grade I did a piece in speech on this exact thing!!!! I thought it was all over eggagerated but low and behold it's not! My mom is SO weird about seeing my stomach. We were at the hospital the other night visiting my stepdad and she made me show everyone in the room (five people other than me) my stomach. She would not stop harassing me til I did it and she stared at it forever!!!! It felt slightly weird and I wanted to tell her she could shove it up her...... but I kept my mouth shut. She's gone on this kick lately to. For some reason, I should not ever clean anything anymore. Just ask her. I can't tell you how many phone calls have ended cause she lectures me on the cleaning I shouldn't be doing. Oh well. I just wish they'd harass my sister in law who's due in Feburary or my sister in law who's due in June....in fact they should be harassing her! I'm going to see to it that there is a shift in protocol here. Who is with me??

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#14 of 16 Old 01-12-2005, 05:34 PM
 
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oh I can sympathise, I have only gained 3 pounds and I am 20 ish weeks. The midwife asked me if I have an eating disorder (which I don't) I just have zero appetite for the first 15 weeks, I feel better now and am eating like a pig, people at work are blown away and always comment about how much food I eat and why don't I look pregnant? I told some people that we were having a baby girl this time, and they said well now that we know what it is when are we going to be able to see that you are pg. All of these stupid comments drive me almost as nuts and the ones you get in the third trimester "you look like you are about to pop" or when I am out with my kids and visibly pregnant "you will have your hands full" (as if I don't already ) So you are definately not the only one, have a wonderful pregnancy and enjoy your belly.l
crystal
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#15 of 16 Old 01-13-2005, 02:42 AM
 
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I know what you mean. I am a large woman normally. I am now 22 weeks and i have gained 0 pounds....i have lost 23lbs. The same thing happened with DD also. I ended up gaining 17lbs the last 2 months with her. With DS i gained the whole time and ended up all in all gaining over 50lbs. So i guess for me it is a girl thing....although we don't KNOW what this one is we are betting the house it is a girl.
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#16 of 16 Old 01-13-2005, 12:09 PM
 
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I totally understand what you're feeling. I'm small to begin with (5'1", 103lbs pre-pg) and I don't get bigger than 130 full term. I actually had a woman argue with me when I was 35wks w/my second dd- she didn't believe that I was that far along. She kept asking, "Are you sure? I don't think you're that far along." As long as you're healthy and the baby's healthy, who cares? And I don't know why it's suddenly everyone's business, either. : People I knew kept telling me, wait till your 2nd baby- that's when everyone gets really big! Now that I'm pg w/my 3rd, they're basically shutting up :LOL

And tell people to shut the hell up if that's what you feel like. It's your body, and your baby

Half-marathon running Mommy to 3 spunky girls and 1 sweet boy. Spending my days and nights where my kids need me most- at home with them!!

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