I am sick of my co-workers touching my belly - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 17 Old 01-11-2005, 04:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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No, not everybody is doing it, but even several is enough to drive me nuts. I have started really showing just recently and I don't think everybody even knows yet. I can only imagine how much worse it will get once my belly is really "out there".
What makes them think they can touch me without my concent??? They just start rubbing my belly out of the blue. WTH is up with that?
I don't want to not be nice, but how do I tell them I am not enjoying it?

This is in a way a follow up to the weight thread - we become "public property" once those 2 lines appear. Geez!

Valeria
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#2 of 17 Old 01-11-2005, 05:01 PM
 
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I just posted about this in the other thread "I'm so sick of..."
I wonder how you tell them not to without seeming like a you know what.
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#3 of 17 Old 01-11-2005, 05:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Velvet005
I just posted about this in the other thread "I'm so sick of..."
I wonder how you tell them not to without seeming like a you know what.
Ah, looks like we were posting practically at the same time.
Aside from touching, one of my co-workers just wouldn't get off my back in the restoom one day until show her my belly. Like I'm a freak show or something. This is insane.

I need to know how to tell them off, but still not sound like I'm a b*tch.

Valeria
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#4 of 17 Old 01-11-2005, 05:26 PM
 
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How 'bout.... "Only if I can touch yours first!!"
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#5 of 17 Old 01-11-2005, 05:31 PM
 
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well, the touching hasn't really been a problem yet, but i'm getting sort of tired of having to raise up my shirt and show everyone my belly. family members, friends, people i barely know...and they won't take no for an answer.

the touching and grabbing is going to drive me nuts. i'm not really a touchy feely person.
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#6 of 17 Old 01-11-2005, 05:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Mama Bee
How 'bout.... "Only if I can touch yours first!!"
but I only had 1 incident where she was getting on me like that. Other times peopel just touch without asking at all!

Valeria
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#7 of 17 Old 01-11-2005, 06:48 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Mama Bee
How 'bout.... "Only if I can touch yours first!!"
:LOL
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#8 of 17 Old 01-11-2005, 06:56 PM
 
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Just wait until you are 9 mos pg and people start asking how dilated you are... A neighbor's husband thought he was making perfectly innocent small talk with me. I was days from my due date. His wife had given birth a couple of months prior. He felt the need to ask how dilated I was. I felt the need to ask him if I could check his prostate. The converstaion lives on whenever someone is newly pregnant in the neighborhood.

It's funny that so many of us are feeling the same way, I had just written a journal entry bitching about my expanding waistline being an open invitation to one and all to talk (HARASS) me. It's like they know something concrete about you (THAT YOU HAVE HAD SEX!!) and feel the need to talk to you about it.

My boys are growing weary of everyone asking if they want a little sister since they already have 2 brothers (I have 3 boys). I butted into a "sweet little old lady's" conversation and told her we were actually trying for a puppy but wound up with a baby in my tummy so boy or girl, we'd have to make due. Grrrrr!

Here comes the fun part of our pregnancies... Trying to keep the very intimate journey to birth PRIVATE!!
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#9 of 17 Old 01-11-2005, 07:41 PM
 
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I just remembered... My midwife told me a story at our visit Saturday about one of her friends. A complete stranger on the subway reached over and touched her belly. She reached over and pinched them on the butt... she said something to the effect of, well, since you touched me, I thought it would be okay to touch you! : Can you imagine! Wish I had the guts!

It's the other questions that are getting to me... if my MIL asks ONE MORE TIME... so, how are you feeling? What type of question is that??? I'm pregnant! How does she think I feel? Or "are you showing yet" (we live very far away from our family)? I'm 21 weeks pregnant and looked like I was pregnant before I got pregnant! With DS, she started calling EVERYDAY and asking "so, have you had the baby yet"? I mean, really, I wanted to say, "oh, yeah! Last week... sorry we forgot to call you.".

Anyway, guess I'm feeling bitchy. Glad to see I'm not alone.
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#10 of 17 Old 01-13-2005, 02:45 AM
 
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I don't generally have this problem since i don't work and rarely venture out anywhere. I do have a dear friend who insists on grabbing my belly on both sides and talking to the baby and kissing my belly everytime she sees me. Sometimes it is annoying....a lot of times she throws me off balance (a precarious thing at best right now) and i end up bobbling around until i can grab something stable to hold onto.
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#11 of 17 Old 01-13-2005, 03:08 AM
 
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I've actually learned a lot from parenting my 2 year old DD. Just as I would say to her, I say calmly and nicely "Please, don't touch my stomach." If they want to know why, I just say it's sensitive. I don't feel like I have to get them to agree with me, but it's my body and I have a right to make the rules about it. It's exactly what I'm trying to teach my DD. Asking someone to respect your body in a calm, nice way is not being a bitch.

I can only speak as a woman who is the mother of a daughter, but I think that the idea of women's bodies being public property starts young. Many people, mostly well-meaning friends and relatives , want to pick her up or hug or kiss her. She's allowed to say no if she doesn't want them too, and she's even allowed to yell if they don't listen. I think if she doesn't feel empowered to make rules about her own body now, what's going to happen to her as a teenager? Or as a woman w/ a pregnant belly?
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#12 of 17 Old 01-13-2005, 03:44 AM
 
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Well, I am showing quite a bit & when I went out dancing with my firneds this weekend (at a local bar~ no smoking allowed) Living on a Prayer was playing (it was 80's night) & when it got to "We've got to hold on to what we've got" some drunk guy grabbed my belly!! I slapped his hand away & said "Don't touch me!" And then in line for the restroom more than one random girl touched my belly. With them I just laughed it off, cuz they were drunk & they were attempting to be friendly. But it did bug me when my friends kept trying to feel the baby kick while we were dancing. I felt awkward enough being pregnant in a bar without them drawing attention to it in the middle of the dance floor! :LOL

AmiBeth

.

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#13 of 17 Old 01-13-2005, 07:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Please congratulate me! I have just told one of my co-workers to mind his own business (in a nice way, of course!).

We we both walking down the hallway, he keeps looking at my stomach and suddenly just reaches for it. There was enough distance between him and I that I was the first one to put my hand on my stomach I said "No toching my stomach!". Him "why?". Me "no touching my stomach please!". So he looks more and asks "really?" (as in "are you really pregnant?") and I said "yes!". "How far along?" - "About 5 months" - "wow!". Then we parted ways but I feel so great now for not letting him do it!!! yei!!!

Valeria
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#14 of 17 Old 01-13-2005, 07:53 PM
 
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Good for you!!!
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#15 of 17 Old 01-14-2005, 01:58 AM
 
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Congratulations!
That can be hard and it sounds like you did it in a great way.

OT
Mama Bee: Your DS was born 5 days after my DD (& the same day as my niece). I think it will be fun to have 1 dc born 02/02 and one born 05/05.
DD was supposed to be 04/02 but came early. Hoping this one stays till 05.
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#16 of 17 Old 01-14-2005, 11:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks mamas! I felt great after telling him off like that!

But it still bugs me to think that first he wanted to touch my belly and then ask if I'm pregnant. Moron! May be I am just getting fat and he would have insulted me like hell, you know?

Valeria
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#17 of 17 Old 01-14-2005, 10:49 PM
 
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It's weird...I sometimes get the feeeling that people honestly don't know they're doing it...like there's some sort of unconscious, cave-person compulsion to touch pregnant bellies--coworkers who wouldn't even compliment me on a dress or the way I wore my hair for fear of being hauled off to "sensitivity training" (I was a problem child in our ST workshops because at 8.5 mos pregnant, people kept asking when I was due, my birth plans, etc, and I would tell them--it fell under the TMI label) would just come towards me like zombies--hands stretched out, oddball vacant stares on their faces, glazed looks in their eyes.

I started telling people as soon as I saw them coming towards me, "yeah, pregnancy does weird things, like give you communicable skin rashes that just don't go away, so go ahead and touch at your own risk..."

Seriously, I found with DS that most people aren't intending to be offensive, so a politely-worded but firm request--or a little gentle humor--isn't out of place. "I'm very sensitive right now and prefer not to be touched" can go a long way, as can a grin and a, "there's an admission charge to feel the chorus line kickshow and a two-drink minimum."
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