Dump Your Fears Here (ridiculous or otherwise) - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 59 Old 01-18-2005, 02:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I thought it'd be nice to talk and vent and get out all our fears, be they reasonable or ridiculous. Sometimes I have very reasonable fears that I can consider outcomes for, then let go of simply by acknowledging them. Voicing our fears is, I think, a good way of seeing when we're being silly, or considering how we might deal with something "bad" happening. I think it's a good way for getting it out of us. Besides, as Pam England says, "worry is the work of pregnancy".

So I'll begin. The only one I can think of right now is what made me think of starting this thread this evening as I was driving and it is totally ridiculous. Sometimes, I think that my clutch muscle (meaning what I use to depress the clutch on my car, which I basically only use while driving) is somehow detrimental to the musculature surrounding my uterus and that I might hurt myself if I somehow overdo it. :LOL

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#2 of 59 Old 01-18-2005, 10:20 AM
 
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I have one that is really really silly. Sometimes, when I am out shopping I see these mean women (they seem to be mean during the day for some reason) and I have this stupid unheard of fear that one of them will run me over with her shopping cart and hurt peanut. So because of this I tend to stay away from them as much as possible. Around here it seems like they are rather aggresive shoppers!!! :LOL

Now, I know this is really silly and outlandish. It did not start until around Christmas time though. I guess it's not as much a fear now as it was but I still find myself avoiding them.

Go ahead laugh at me.... it's ok. I am laughing as I type this - thinking of how ridiculous this is.
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#3 of 59 Old 01-18-2005, 10:46 AM
 
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I am afraid of having a c section. I really want a drug free delivery (my 1st 2 were vaginal w/ epidural)... but i am scared that something may "look wrong" at my delivery to make the OB's think that I need a C.

I am making plans to shield myself form this by hopefully using the MW's and by hiring a doula. BUt b/c I am "high risk"...AMA, GD, and LGA... I know that they will be "watching" for things that look wrong

Gigi. Mommy to 3 girls.
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#4 of 59 Old 01-18-2005, 11:53 AM
 
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First, I want to say what an interesting thread this is. It's a great idea. I totally agree that voicing your fears can help make you feel better about them and find ways to "resolve" them.

Second, I'm not pregnant right now and not even trying to conceive yet, but I have a pregnancy related fear. With dd we had a hospital birth because it's the norm. It wasn't very hard for dh to talk me out of a birthcenter and into the hospital. I never would have dreamed of a homebirth. Well, now that I've done the hospital, my fear of the hospital is even greater than before. DH has "agreed" to a birthcenter for next time. I fear I won't be strong and will let him talk me out of the homebirth that I think I want. I also fear that something will happen that will require me to be in the hospital again and that really scares me.

Good luck to everyone in resolving their fears and having a safe, healthy, birth experience that you want.

ETA: Sorry, I forgot that I was looking at the May '05 board. I hope you don't mind my intruding too much. I think this is a really awesome thread! I have a May '04 baby and I enjoyed pregnancy and like to remember it by checking out the May '05 threads. Good luck to all of you and sorry for intruding.
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#5 of 59 Old 01-18-2005, 12:18 PM
 
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Quote:
ETA: Sorry, I forgot that I was looking at the May '05 board. I hope you don't mind my intruding too much. I think this is a really awesome thread! I have a May '04 baby and I enjoyed pregnancy and like to remember it by checking out the May '05 threads. Good luck to all of you and sorry for intruding.
Your not intruding!! Come join us anytime !!!

I am also scared my ob will see something and insist I need a c/s. I talked about this on the monthly thread a little. I try not to worry about it too much but it is always in the back of my mind. I am worried that the baby will be breech or my pelvis will be too small. My mother and my dad's side of the family has not had any problems with giving birth. So, I figure (hope) I will be ok. I told my mil about this (why did I do this? Hmm... not real sure) and she said "oh it doesn't matter about your genetic makeup. That has nothing to do with how your body will respond. Your pelvis may be too small and you don't want the baby to be stuck." Then she proceeded to tell me how she barely was able to give birth to her first child and how he barely fit and he almost didn't make it. Thus, making my fears even worse. I didn't understand the meaning of Labor horror strories until the other day. Now, I get it and I can do just fine without them. I have enough to worry about without others trying to intensify it.
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#6 of 59 Old 01-18-2005, 01:58 PM
 
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Even though there are ways to determine whether you are placenta previa or not... I still have fears I'll have a birth experience like my mom's. When my mom was pg with my older sister (almost 40 years ago), she thought she felt her water break. She looked down and saw that she was covered in blood. To make a long story short, she had placenta previa that the doctors didn't know about and was hemorraging. She made it to the hospital just in time. They said if it had been two minutes later, she and my sister would have both died. I first heard that story when I was about 8 years old. It has stuck in my head ever since. And now that I'm having my first child, I keep thinking about it. It really freaks me out. I'm scared something will go wrong and I won't make it to the hospital in time. I'm scared I won't be able to have a home birth. I'm scared there will be something wrong...

Last night I had a dream that I had my baby, it was a boy and we were taking a bus trip to california to see my family. At one point I realized I left my baby somewhere and couldn't remember where. I kept running around screaming "I lost my baby, where is my baby!?!?" I woke up and I was completely drenched in sweat.

Weird.

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#7 of 59 Old 01-18-2005, 02:37 PM
 
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I am terrified of having to have a c/s. I have big babies & delivered both of them problems, but I am still afraid that I will have to have one this time. Part of that is I am afraid this baby is going to be huge (over 10 lbs). Especially if I go way past due~ and I really don't want an induction again.

AmiBeth

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#8 of 59 Old 01-18-2005, 05:00 PM
 
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I think this a great idea for a thread. Some of you have some definetely silly but no less valid fears.
Working through fear is important and so is imagining what life could be like if your worst fears come true.

I am filled with fear:
*that my baby will die before labor
*that my baby will die during labor
*that my baby will die after labor
*that my baby will have some severe defect
*that i will not have another beautiful hb but will be forced to go to the hospital
*that i will have to be cut open
*that i will not be able to handle another labor since my last was so traumatic

Right now i am trying to think about what i will do if my fears come true. I am envisioning a c-sec or hospital birth so that if it happens, it won't be as bad. I don't think i would survive the loss of this little one so i'm not really thinking about that.
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#9 of 59 Old 01-18-2005, 06:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by berkeleyp
I think this a great idea for a thread. Some of you have some definetely silly but no less valid fears.
Working through fear is important and so is imagining what life could be like if your worst fears come true.

I am filled with fear:
*that my baby will die before labor
*that my baby will die during labor
*that my baby will die after labor
*that my baby will have some severe defect
*that i will not have another beautiful hb but will be forced to go to the hospital
*that i will have to be cut open
*that i will not be able to handle another labor since my last was so traumatic
I am so sorry for your loss, BerkeleyP. I hope and pray that you have a happy and healthy birth experience this time for you and baby.

This is a wonderful thread, isn't it? We all have worries for so many different reasons.

I worry that:

I will have another 4th degree tear
That I will get PPD again (my worst symptom PP was not being able to sleep though I was exhausted!)
That I will fail again at BF
Leaving DS even though I know my sister will take care of him and my DH will be going home at night to care for him
That something will go wrong and put my life or my daughter's life at risk
That I won't make it to the hospital in time
That the attending OB will be the one guy I don't like!
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#10 of 59 Old 01-18-2005, 06:22 PM
 
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Having to birth my baby in a hospital is really frightening to me but I'm not planning on it and I think everything will go well with our labor and delivery so that can be avoided. It is not something that sticks in my mind but I know if the MW said "we may have to go to the hospital" I would be really scared.

I thought that I would be scared of labor again because with DD is was so very intense but really I feel like I am getting the knowldge I need to handle labor again and I am looking for a Doula so I know I will have the support I need. Really I am looking forward to another labor.

My biggest fear with this baby is breastfeeding. With DD we had a rough start starting with a 3 day seperation when she was 2 days old (I had to go to the hospital for a re-repair and decided not to take dd to the hospital because of some bad advise) and then thrush. Followed by my having to return to work shortly after she was born.
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#11 of 59 Old 01-18-2005, 06:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I started another thread about preventing cesarean and there are some other topics that are coming up that we could discuss prevention of as well. Would you all like to discuss them here or move them to individual threads?

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#12 of 59 Old 01-18-2005, 06:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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More fears of my own:

-that I will have trouble/fail at breastfeeding again
-that anything at all will go wrong during labor
-that I will have to transfer to the hospital during labor
-that my baby might die
-that my baby will have a defect or other health problems
-that I will hate my birthing environment

Really, I'm looking for a wonderful experience full of healing and I am just afraid that somehow I don't deserve that and that something bad will happen to ruin it. But mostly I'm confident that women have done this since the beginning of time and I've done it before and there's no reason to expect that things will end badly.

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#13 of 59 Old 01-18-2005, 06:58 PM
 
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I am afraid there will be a false positive "something wrong" on the fetal monitor.

I am afraid I will again feel failed by DH in the amount of support he can really give me in my birth time.

That I will have trouble bf this time due to my thyroid going wacko after the birth (I have hypothyroid).

I am afraid of failing the GD test, even though my only risk factor is prior big baby.

I am not afraid of having a big baby again, though I am doing what I can to eat healthfully. I kind of assume I will have another big one and plan on being able to birth him/her. Surprisingly, I am not afraid of having another c/s. It has taken a lot of work to get here, though. I really believe I will VBAC. I have spent a lot of time earlier in pregnancy thinking about, what if I am not successful, etc. but am now focusing only on the positive outcomes.
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#14 of 59 Old 01-18-2005, 08:26 PM
 
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This is good. I am glad to get this out.

Fears: A stillborn at any gestational age.
A hospital birth either starting there or transport.
Not having enough mommy milk from me or friends.
The guilt if the homebirth goes bad.

Other than getting these out, how else can we deal with them without focusing to much on them??

Cristina - "If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded." Maya Angelou
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#15 of 59 Old 01-18-2005, 09:29 PM
 
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Some "against the odds" fears that our midwife will have her other client in labor at the exact same time...

....or that she will get a flat tire on the way....

and husband will have to deliver baby...oh my!
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#16 of 59 Old 01-18-2005, 09:52 PM
 
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I am afraid of there being something "wrong" with the baby,.
this fear is I think due to the fact I wished so hard to have a girl, and once pg I regretted wishing for the girl and feel I should have wished for a healthy baby. Because that is what everyone wants at the end of the pregnancy, a healthy baby to take (orhave) at home.
crystal
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#17 of 59 Old 01-18-2005, 10:21 PM
 
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Originally Posted by slightly crunchy
I am afraid I will again feel failed by DH in the amount of support he can really give me in my birth time.
Me too. That lasted awhile with us the first time.

I fear PPD again.

I fear the 40 minute drive to the birthing center. It seems sooo long compared to my 10 minute drive to our local hospital. And that I'll end up in the hospital due to their 12 hour-limit rule of birthing before being transferred. The pressure!!!

My dd will be there but I fear that she will get in the way or I will yell at her in annoyance for some crazy reason while trying to deal with labor ruining the whole moment for her.

I'm afraid dd will be upset if this baby is a boy. She's already hoping for a sister, but I have a feeling she won't get her wish.


For all of those worried about failing bf-ing, invest in a good pump. It may or may not help, but with my first, I pumped almost solidly for the first 2 months due to pain from yeast, hormone, etc. I finally decided to bite the pain bullet on her 2 month birthday and we didnt' stop until late last year when she was almost 4. There's always a way!!! And get a good LC ahead of time! I couldn't have loved without mine. Anyone in CT, let me know if you need someone.

ETA: OK, I realized I shouldn't have said "there is always a way" because sometimes there isn't. I should have said that generally speaking with good help and support, there is usually a way.
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#18 of 59 Old 01-18-2005, 11:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Debstmomy
Other than getting these out, how else can we deal with them without focusing to much on them??
We can address how we might prevent or how we are working to prevent these things from happening. We can reassure one another. We can consider how we might deal if these things were to happen and then let go and not worry about that which we cannot control. I find that understanding what I would do in the worst case scenario is helpful for releasing the fear.

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#19 of 59 Old 01-18-2005, 11:33 PM
 
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I do breastfeeding help/support in my community. If anyone would like to throw out their bfing problems from the past, I can give me .02 as to ways to help......

Gigi. Mommy to 3 girls.
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#20 of 59 Old 01-19-2005, 02:27 AM
 
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I have been worried that something could be wrong with the baby. We choose not to have an US but now I kind of wish I had that little bit of reassurance :

I hope I am able to have a homebirth/natural birth this time, with my DS as soon as I got to the hospital I feel like I handed over my birth to strangers.

What would you suggest to prepare for breastfeeding?, last time my nipples cracked and bled and it was very uncomfortable for a long time. how can i be better prepared this time?

Thanks for this thread, I feel better just putting it out there.

There's nothing you can know that isn't known. ~ John Lennon
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#21 of 59 Old 01-19-2005, 02:35 AM
 
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I am afraid of stairs. Especially long flights of narrow stairs. I was at the Cathedral of St Paul once as a child and my dad had to carry me down the stairs because I thought I was going to pass out! I was like 10!

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

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#22 of 59 Old 01-19-2005, 02:57 AM
 
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Another with the bf fear. At 6 weeks I started to hand express/ pump and by 10-12 dd was fully on the bottle (and still is : ). I felt like an utter failure. While I'm making attempts to not repeat the past (researching, learning more, finding out about nearby consultants and groups, etc.), I still worry that my seemingly tremendous 34 f/g's will be too much for the new little babe.

My greatest fear right now is how well will I cope with 2? I know a lot of my tension/ stress with dd right now is exascerbated by my hormones. But I truly worry about the logistics of simply getting around. Like how am I going to go grocery shopping? Will I get a shower? Will anyone really come over to help out just alittle?

I've been feeling pretty stranded in the last few weeks by my mom and friends. Dh tries really hard, but he works a physical labor job for 40+ hours/ wk. I can only ask for so much from him. My mom is stressed over her own worries and I think my "spirited" toddler is just too much for her some days (she currently watches dd when I work). Most of my friends are at work or school all day, so there's really no one around just for me.

Oh yeah, and my immediate fear? That my homebirth MW will fall through. She had to reschedule my first appt. last week due to 6 births (completely understandable!) But I'm alittle stressed that I haven't heard from nor been able to get in touch with her. I'm sure everything will be fine, but still it's nagging in the back of my head... I really do NOT want another hospital birth -- so much so I may just go UC whether dh prefers it or not.
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#23 of 59 Old 01-19-2005, 10:50 AM
 
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Well, I'm a worrier by nature, and pregnancy is the worst time for me, neurosis-wise.

I worry that the ultrasound missed something terribly wrong (even though it was done by a perinatologist, not a tech, with the latest equipment)

I worry that I'll have a sudden abruption

I worry that I'll have a dangerously early preemie

I worry that the baby will die from a cord accident

I worry that there will be cord involvement like with my last birth and we'll have to be scared for the baby's life/safety during labor/delivery again

I worry how I'm going to give enough to my very clingy toddler. My 4.5yo is really independant, but the little one is mama's girl. Having 3 kids under the age of 5 is really really daunting to me right now.

**Lots of the fears are helped by my having regular NST in the last 5 wks or so. I feel better and have a better outlook when everything looks good w/the baby, so my OB has me do a BPP and U/S every week after 35. It helps a lot with my anxiety. Although anything can happen during the birth, I'm so glad that she'll be there and that we'll be in the hospital in case something does go terribly wrong.

Whew. Thanks for starting this thread. It helps to get it all down, somehow.

Half-marathon running Mommy to 3 spunky girls and 1 sweet boy. Spending my days and nights where my kids need me most- at home with them!!

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#24 of 59 Old 01-19-2005, 11:23 AM
 
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I fear a premature delivery (but deep down I know I can handle it as I did last time but I don't want to have to deal with it - just hoping for full-term here).

I fear I'll have less milk than I did last time -- not likely but I still fear it.

I fear this baby will stay breech and they'll have to do a section -- this is probably my biggest fear because it feels out of my control. Bfing problems I can overcome; premie in the NICU can be dealt with; but the OB saying we need to section for breech - how do I say no? I wish that u/s tech had never told me this baby was breech at 22 weeks (yes, yes, I know there's plenty of time for the little bugger to flip but the seed of fear has been planted).

I had my first birth dream last night. I sort of jumped into the middle of it and there I was at home with just dh delivering TWINS naturally. No midwife, no hospital, just me and dh at home with twins! Aaack. It was wild but perfect. And then I looked down to see if they were girls or boys. I saw two little boys fully intact, I smiled, and then all of a sudden there were a bunch of worms on the bed and I woke up. How weird is that? Perhaps subconciously I secretly want a homebirth and hope to have twins some day but am scared of it? I also know i need to talk to dh about the whole no circ thing so that's probably why I noticed the boys were intact. Well, that's my dream analysis for today. :LOL
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#25 of 59 Old 01-19-2005, 12:31 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by peacenlove
IWhat would you suggest to prepare for breastfeeding?, last time my nipples cracked and bled and it was very uncomfortable for a long time. how can i be better prepared this time?
There really isn't anything that you should do physically to your body to prepare. 99% of sore, especially cracked and bleeding, nipples is caused by improper latch. So, you may want to do some research about proper latch... having yoru baby open wide enough so that your nipple ends up in the back of his mouth and his gums/tongue are on your aerola. ALso when you go to latch your baby on, aim your nipple for the roof of his mouth, rather that his throat... this will help his tongue and lower jaw to get a good amount of your lower breast tissue into his mouth.

An exception to this is some moms with flat or inverted nipples will get sore and cracked more easily... due to the tendons and ligaments that keep their nipple in are forced to stretch too much when baby latches correctly. IN this case, breast shells, which can help ease the tendons/ligaments to stretch, should be worn in the last months of pregnancy.

It also may help to attend a LLL meeting or another breastfeeding support group while you are pg. that way, you would have contact people and support already in place.

HTH and good luck!!!

Gigi. Mommy to 3 girls.
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#26 of 59 Old 01-19-2005, 02:06 PM
 
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I fear being alone as a brand new mom. Our families both live in California. We have a bunch of friends here in Oregon, but I don't have any really close girlfriends up here. I'm freaked out to not have my mom or my sisters here with me to help out. I'm also scared that I'll have to go back to work after 12 weeks. I want nothing more than to be able to stay home with my baby, but we won't be able to afford it...

Jenn, future midwife, mama to 2 sweet girls (6/05) and (5/07). 
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#27 of 59 Old 01-19-2005, 02:25 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Eaglevoice
I'm also scared that I'll have to go back to work after 12 weeks. I want nothing more than to be able to stay home with my baby, but we won't be able to afford it...
Ask here or in the working mamas forum for advice on this one. More of us work outside the home than you might think. Please come to us if you have questions about pumping, daycare, whatever. I don't have daycare issues because dh is a WAHD and cares for dd while I am at work but I know about pumping and just juggling life in general. I pumped for 18 months.

See how it goes, maybe there's a way you can afford to stay home after you investigate your options. If not, the WOHM's at MDC can lend their support.
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#28 of 59 Old 01-19-2005, 02:59 PM
 
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CathToria- Thanks for the support offer. After reading "The womanly Art of Breastfeeding" I think I am ready. Also our Ped is Dr. Fleiss and he has a wonderful LC in his office that I plan to visit as much as needed. And I plan to join LLL shortly so I feel I will have everything in place to overcome any problems.

Another fear that I had is PPD again. But this time I plan on taking my placenta home with me and eating it if I start to feel PPD.
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#29 of 59 Old 01-19-2005, 03:03 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Aaudreysmom
Another fear that I had is PPD again. But this time I plan on taking my placenta home with me and eating it if I start to feel PPD.
What?! I've never heard of this. Could you please give me info on how this works and how exactly you do this?
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#30 of 59 Old 01-19-2005, 04:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by schatz
I fear this baby will stay breech and they'll have to do a section -- this is probably my biggest fear because it feels out of my control. Bfing problems I can overcome; premie in the NICU can be dealt with; but the OB saying we need to section for breech - how do I say no? I wish that u/s tech had never told me this baby was breech at 22 weeks (yes, yes, I know there's plenty of time for the little bugger to flip but the seed of fear has been planted).
Breech does not necessitate cesarean, but finding a practioner who will "let" you deliver vaginally is next to impossible. I'd try chiropractic, yoga, the different exercises to turn a baby and as a last resort external version before submitting to a cesarean for a breech baby. Keep an eye on it if you want to avoid a c/s.

anna kiss partner to jon radical mama to aleks (8/02) and bastian (5/05)
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