stupid comments are making me even more depressed - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 16 Old 03-17-2005, 02:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I needed to vent, I have spent the past hour on the verge of tears,

Yesterday I was at the elementary school and every mom came up to me and told me I was way too small to be 30 weeks, some moms mentioned that at least they can tell that I am pregnant now and they are surprised it took this long for me to look pg.

tuesday, I went to a creative memories party and the consultant asked when I was due, I told her May and she said oh my god I thought you were just barely pg.

These people have no clue that their comments are super stressing me out. I have known I had low amniotic fluid volume since 17 weeks, the levels were on the 2.5 percentile scale (?) and remained the same when I had the 26 weeks follow up, at that ultrasound they said the baby was growing well and the percentage of fluid had not decreased, so I should have been reasured and moved on, but my fundal height hasn't increased in three weeks and I think I look smaller than I did a month ago. I also haven't gained any weight in the past month, and I had only gained (pre preg weight 127) 14 pounds before this.

I keep trying to focus on the fact that the baby moves all of the time big moves and rolls I feel better when I go to the midwife, but for the next two weeks I worry more and more each day.
Everything I described can be written off as "normal" and I probably wouldn't worry if it was only 1 thing that was a little odd. but three borderline problems and I am in a panick.

thanks for reading this far, my husband doesn't want to talk about it because he thinks that then it might happen : I have another mw appointment next wed and I am going to request another ultrasound and maybe another consult with the ob that I saw at the beginning of my pregnancy.
I really needed to get this out.
crystal
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#2 of 16 Old 03-17-2005, 02:14 PM
 
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I'm sorry that people are being so thoughtless with their comments.

Wishing you a happy healthy rest of the pregnancy, and easy labor, and a healthy baby!

He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe is as good as dead; his eyes are closed.  ~Albert Einstein
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#3 of 16 Old 03-17-2005, 02:24 PM
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I know how you feel. I am small too, and my fundal height hasnt increased in like 5 weeks. I just try to think about the fact that the baby is moving around and doing good, I think!
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#4 of 16 Old 03-17-2005, 02:29 PM
 
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Ugh, I'm sorry that you are going through all that.

FWIW, though, I think that people tend to say that to smaller people in general. I weighed aroung 112lbs (and I'm 5'7") pre-pregnancy. I've, in 32.5 weeks, gained about 25-28lbs. I feel like I've got a house sticking out of the front of me, lol, but those around me keep saying the exact same thing "wow, I figured you just found out that you were pregnant!" and "you're too small to be due at the begining of May!!"

I guess they think that saying these things are compliments, but really, they drive me crazy. I can't imagine how, with your history this pregnancy, those comments must make you feel. Are you bold enough to say "yes, thank you and we're concerned enough without comments from you"?

I hope that you are able to get your u/s and that you find out that things are going smoothly.
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#5 of 16 Old 03-17-2005, 02:34 PM
 
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You should reply with "Oh my gosh, really??!?!?!!?!? And I'm having TWINS!!!" or some such other thing to freak them out. People are so thoughtless. I had one lady tell me "you look small, are you eating right?" Idiots.
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#6 of 16 Old 03-17-2005, 02:45 PM
 
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I am sorry mama. That can be very frustrating. I like the idea of a one liner comeback, so that you can flip the switch on them. Something really silly & stupid to put them in their place would be good.
Take Care, and rest assured in that babys movements!!!!

Cristina - "If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded." Maya Angelou
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#7 of 16 Old 03-17-2005, 05:52 PM
 
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I underdtand completely!!!! I went to a barbecue at my moms this past weekend and my weight was the topic of everyones conversation.....I have only gained about 17 pounds but for me that's great! I was sick for two months and lost ten pounds so the fact that I am 17 above my prepreg weight means I have actually gained more than that....do they care? Not at all.....I'm still "too small and need to bulk up...how do I expefct to get a healthy baby?". It's gotten to the point that I don't even bother telling people I was sick for so long...they don't listen. I just tell them my mom's stats....the most she ever gained was 11 pounds. Just tell them to leave you alone. As long as you are ok with where you are at and you feel you're fine based on baby's movements (which are the same with me...really stroong frequent ones) then it shouldn't matter. Just because you are pregnant doesn't mean you have to become the size of an elephant to prove it.

Give more**Expect Less
There is no such thing as bad weather. Only bad clothing.
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#8 of 16 Old 03-18-2005, 04:10 PM
 
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People are just so lame when it comes to pregnant women. They just don't think before they say anything to us. I'm sorry people are being so insensitive. Hang in there mama, we're in the home stretch!

Jenn, future midwife, mama to 2 sweet girls (6/05) and (5/07). 
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#9 of 16 Old 03-18-2005, 04:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks a lot for all of the encouraging words and support. I have decided to get a referral to an ob just to make sure everything is okay, I think the mw is planning on sending me there for a consult anyway.
I talked to one of the moms at the school and asked if she could (if it comes up) tell the other moms in the class that I would rather not hear everyday how tiny I am and those kind of comments so hopefully they will stop. I know they are just trying to be friendly and make conversation but because of my situation it just stresses me out.
crystal
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#10 of 16 Old 03-18-2005, 09:15 PM
 
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I'm due in Sept., but saw this thread and had to share what my friend said to me the other day. After a long night in the ER and a follow up visit with my Dr the next day I'm told I'm a complete placenta previa. Now, I'm only 14 weeks, so it could move but for now I'm on "house arrest" and I'm not allowed to do anything. No Easter at dh's family's, no birthday parties, no cooking, cleaning, nothing.

So I joked to my friend that the only good thing to happen was that I lost four pounds (I lost 20 total with my ds before I gained a pound, no big deal). She told me it was "child abuse". Um, no, my baby is growing fine, I'm not sick, I'm eating great...this is just what my body does when I'm pregnant. Child abuse, whatever

People are stupid.
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#11 of 16 Old 03-18-2005, 10:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I finally took some belly shots, I was waiting to get big : but now I wish I had been doing it all along.
heres the link,
belly shot 30 weeks
crystal
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#12 of 16 Old 03-19-2005, 12:50 AM
 
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I am sorry you are hearing such insensitive comments.

I don't know why so many people think it's okay for even perfect strangers to make comments about a pregnant woman's body, to her face. It's so inappropriate. I have gotten several comments the past few weeks out in public, but from the other direction. One lady kept arguing with me and insisting that I couldn't possibly have two more months left. Meanwhile if one of us made an unsolicited comment about how large (or small) they are, we would probably be yelled at.

I hope you are reassured by some follow up visits and/or tests. Sending positive thoughts your way for a healthy baby!
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#13 of 16 Old 03-19-2005, 01:02 AM
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I walked onto the bus with Ds the other day and a woman said loudly "So you are having another baby?!" And I replied "No, I'm just fat" And looked right at her. The whole bus gasped/giggled/stared. But whatever. I hate people that comment on me.
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#14 of 16 Old 03-23-2005, 02:52 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nym
I walked onto the bus with Ds the other day and a woman said loudly "So you are having another baby?!" And I replied "No, I'm just fat" And looked right at her. The whole bus gasped/giggled/stared. But whatever. I hate people that comment on me.




Way to go mama!

I wish I had the guts to be so bold. I can think of tons of one liners after the fact but never in the moment.

Crystal,

I know it is hard not to worry, but I have known many mamas have perfectly find pregnancies and perfect babies who had low amnio. It will work out ok. Just follow your instincts and double check for your own peace of mind. Enjoy the movements of your little bean, and know that each kick is telling you "hi mom!" Oh and you have a beautiful belly!

Blessins,
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#15 of 16 Old 03-29-2005, 11:30 AM
 
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Sorry- I am just barging in I am also due in May (May 3rd) which also hapens to be my birthday- no not planned that way LOL though I did want a May baby!

Crystal- I just wanted to say, sorry that the comments are hard for you, and that you are having amniotic fluid problems and other stuff! I saw your 30 week belly picture, and you look fine to me Very cute belly actually! It can't be easy going through a pregnancy being worried about certain things. It is hard to be pregnant- and hear comments- but I don't think most people intend to hurt feelings. I'm not dismissing how you might feel- but how can people know there are problems- right? They are probably trying to make conversation or something. Someone told me I looked great and didn't look 32 weeks (now I am 35). I took it as a compliment because I feel so huge!!! LOL Again-darn those pregnancy hormones!!!

Can you drink extra water to help increase the amniotic fluid? (sorry I am clueless)

I forget who said they were complete placenta previa...I was partial placenta previa at 18 weeks (u/s) and it moved. I talked to the mw about it a few weeks back and she said when your uterus is only so big, yes it will probably have part of the placenta over the vaginal opening....I hope yours moves out of the way. (or grows) Mine grew out of the way...I had a 2nd u/s at 32 weeks, and he found the baby was feet first breech!!! The placenta almost always moves. I will send move placenta vibes- I know it can be stressful going through a pregnancy with that worry!!! You said you are 14 weeks- still early!! I hope hope hope it does move for you!

My baby I think is now head down, but I was then freaked out about that too!!! Being that this is #3- I don't want a csection!! Especially after the awesome water birth I had with my second!!! At my last appointment 34 weeks, the midwife felt and said she was 95% sure the baby is head first now...I feel most of the "kicks" up in the ribs...

Ok- now I am rambling- sorry!!!

Good luck to all in the remaining weeks of pregnancy!
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#16 of 16 Old 03-30-2005, 01:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have come to peace with my small belly. I went for a consult with the ob that I saw earlier in my pg and he said that even if there is something wrong that is causing low fluid levels there is nothing that can be done about it until the baby is born.
So I have decided no more ultrasound to monitor the situation they don't make me feel any better and it is a pita to get a sitter to go.
My dh and I talked and he told me he knows the baby is fine and for some reason the way he said it I just feel like yes she is and she will come when she is ready.
I am just focusing on making the last few weeks really peaceful and pleasant for the baby with minimal stress.
thanks a lot for all of the support I really appreciate it .
crystal
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