I am ok... 37 weeks today! Had an apointment today, GBS test
, the midwife estimates that the baby is around 6 lbs at this point. I look and feel like a house and I hate all of my maternity clothes from my other two kids. They are so 5 years ago plus it just got really hot around here (87 today!) and most of my clothes are fall/winter.
Been an emotional rollercoaster: depressed, excited, scared, bored, impatient, irritated, neutral. I have also been kind of like hanging on to my last days with the kids, kind of cherishing each moment as if it were our last together. It sounds so cheezy and it's very uncharachteristic of me to act like this. It's not like they or I am going anywhere, things are just going to change. Things are about to get a lot harder and Misha (DH) and I are a bit freaked out by this (him more so than I). Last week he fell 12' out of a tree while pruning it (I think he got too close to a bird's nest and the bird was feeling mother bear ish about the whole thing) and broke a rib so he's been having a hard time doing his job. But he's a good sport and still keeping us all afloat. He's just freaked out about another mouth to feed and me not working at the moment.
As far as the list goes- ha, what a laugh. I have given up on the list. I knit the baby's hat, which is good, laid out a boy and girl outfit, onesie and socks and bought some natural baby shampoo/bodywash (don't like the stuff they use at our Birth Center). Got out my summer clothes and One leftover nursing bra (all of the others were destroyed/worn out from nursing two kids) to add to the bag. We still haven't fixed our car window (how lame is that?), gotten the kids summer clothes/shoes together or done ANY of the other projects or bought any of the items on my list. All this stuff takes energy and money, two things that we seem to be pretty short on these days. I will do what I can with what I have in the next three weeks which is all anyone can do. It's such a pain with seasonal work because if we were having the baby in the summer or fall all of this stuff would be done because I would have had the money to do/buy them/it. Luckily nothing is going to fall apart if these things don't get done, with the exception of the car. It just would have been nice to have everything all set up so that there was less to do after the baby comes.
Physically, I feel uncomfortable. I haven't been sleeping well about half of the time, esp. when the baby moves around a lot. So during the day I feel like a zombie. I also notice that I have been saying just whatever the heck I want to to just anyone. It's like I am Way too uncomfortable to be sweet or exceedingly polite or to keep it to myself, which is what I usually do. Yesterday I ran into one of our neighbors (guy about my age with a son 1 year younger than my son) and he said, "so when are you going to pop?" and I said, "I really hate that expression" where as normally I would have kept it to myself. I have also gotten into a couple of confrontations with the people in the neighborhood behind our apartment complex (either about my kids on their property or them making odd/rude remarks about my fertility- it seems to involve older or middle aged women...) Then one of my best friends thinks that I am blowing her off because I am not calling her as much/ hardly at all these days or visiting (hello, it's spring, I have no car now! Misha needs it for work) or inviting them to dinner (like I said I feel like a zombie most of the time now). It's just strange because I remember when She was pregnant with her son it was like people just couldn't do enough for her. And I did help her a lot getting ready for her baby and inviting them over all the time. But now that I'm tired and can't give her as much attention she thinks I'm blowing her off. Sigh. The same a little bit with my mother. Can I please have a break here? Yes, there are actual limits to how many people I can nuture and support at one time and my kids, my husband and myself come first.
So that's what's going on with me at the moment. This is all going to be over soon and it will be a distant memory. Anyway, I can't wait to meet the new baby.