In tears.. I may have to give in... UPDATE IN REPLY WE HAVE A BABY! - Mothering Forums

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Old 05-15-2005, 05:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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to the induction tomorrow to save my marriage.

DH has told me that I am being selfish and unreasonable. That he understands wanting to have the best birth experience possible, but there comes a point when I have to consider other things.
He said that now that I am 42 weeks it isn't about the baby anymore...I have made it about me.
He tells me that I need to go call the Dr and be induced at least 10 times a day.
Yesterday I pulled out the breastpump to try some nipple stimulation.
He told me to stop bothering with old wives tales and call the OB.
Of course nothing happened... I am too stressed out!
Then in the middle of the night last night I had PAINFUL contractions every ten minutes for about 2 hours... then they went away.
Today he told me that something must be wrong for them to start and then stop like that.
I told him that it happens to women all the time... he insisted that it shoudln't happen at 42 weeks.
He is obsessed with this 42 weeks is the cut off... being an asshole and making me feel like crap all day long.

I am considering telling him that if he doesn't stop mentioning an induction than I am going to go into hiding and not call him until after the baby is born.... but that really isn't an option to follow through.

With all this stress it is no wonder the baby isn't coming! I want to wait until friday... but he isn't having that as a compromise.

Thanks for listening to me rant.

Nina


I had to be induced... see reply for info Finnerty Edward Nelson joined us at 11:50 pm on Monday 5/16/05
He is 6 lbs 10 oz and 18 inches long.
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Old 05-15-2005, 05:41 PM
 
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Your DH needs to be smacked. And I believe in non-violence. If you had painful contractions for hours, that's a good sign! Things are happening, things are moving. You'll be fine! How sure are you of your conception date? I can definitely see the stress affecting you. If he wants you to give birth soon, then he needs to relax and help you relax so that you can feel prepared and comfortable so that you can give birth. Foot massage can help. Take a nap. Take a walk. And smack him for me. :


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Old 05-15-2005, 05:43 PM
 
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Are you POSITIVE about your conception date? Can you fudge that a little and make him think that perhaps you're not as far along as you think you are?

What a hard situation, mama.

How many weeks are you?
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Old 05-15-2005, 05:59 PM
 
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Lady, I'm so sorry your hubby is acting this way. I almost think that you SHOULD hide from him so that you can relax and let the baby come. Has he got any idea how his stressing you out is affecting your ability to go into labor? If he does, then it sounds to me like HE'S being selfish with all his impatience. You're the one who has grown this baby inside you since conception, there is no reason for him to suddenly believe that you can't handle what's going on.

You say that you might have to give in to induction to save your marriage... he isn't using your marriage as a weapon or a threat, is he? If he isn't, then he'll be unhappy, but he will wait with you until Friday before inducing if you continue to refuse induction... what choice does he have, short of bodily forcing you into the car and driving you to the hospital? You might just try to avoid his anger until then.
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Old 05-15-2005, 06:10 PM
 
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Oh my. I am not in your group, but saw your post and couldn't pass by without replying. Your DH is WAY out of line. WAY WAY WAY out of line. Babies come when they're ready. Go spend a relaxing day with someone supportive (mom, sister, friend) or even by yourself. Or kick him out on a bunch of errands and take a long hot bubble bath.

Did I mention that he's way out of line?



-Angela
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Old 05-15-2005, 06:16 PM
 
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Stand your Ground!!! Check out The Downside of Due Dates. There is also The Ten Month Mama Page .With him stressing you out he is also stressing the baby out, which increases you chance for a c-section!

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I almost think that you SHOULD hide from him so that you can relax and let the baby come.
I agree. The health of you and the baby is more important than making him happy. If he won't listen to you, do what is needed.
for you!
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Old 05-15-2005, 07:02 PM
 
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I'm no psychologist: but I find it hard to believe inducing a baby will "save" a marriage.

Do what is right for YOU. He is clearly uneducated on this subject. Ask him to give you conclusive evidence that you are harming your baby by not being induced. Then show him the conclusive evidence that being induced causes more complications to mother and baby.

DD1 7/13/05 DD2 9/20/10
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Old 05-15-2005, 07:19 PM
 
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While I agree with PP's that you absolutely have to take care of yourself in this situation (including hiding, if necessary), I also have a soft spot (albeit a small one) for your dh. I think he's been brainwashed and is absolutely terrified that something is going to happen to you or the baby b/c the doctor gods have told him that you have to be induced if you go past 42 weeks. He needs to be educated about this and he really needs to come alongside you and support you right now, not be your adversary. I'm not saying that ignorance excuses his behavior, just that I can understand where he's coming from.

That being said, please take care of yourself. Eat right, talk to your baby and tell him/her that you are ready to meet him/her and try to do some things to relax. During my last pregnancy my midwife recommended that I get a pregnancy massage. The therapists that specialize in pregnancy massage have a very high success rate of inducing labor by massaging certain pressure points. You may want to look into this option for yourself.

I wish you well.
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Old 05-15-2005, 08:19 PM
 
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Uggh.. that sounds like a horrid situation. I also agree with teh pervious poster.. you dh just isn't "there" yet with the idea of letting nature take its course..... he somehow is too infulenced by the mainstream.

If his true "fear" is for the baby's well being, are there and compromises to induction for him??? Like maybe doing careful kick counts, having him come to your next MW/Ob appt to let him see/hear that the baby is okay???

Good luck to you, and I hope labor kicks in soon!

Gigi. Mommy to 3 girls.
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Old 05-15-2005, 08:40 PM
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I am so sorry you are dealing with this at the moment...the other posters are right---stress isn't helping ANYTHING and while 42 weeks is a *guideline* it is CERTAINLY NOT the end all be all...especially if your dates are even a few days off ya know???

Try anything you can...I know this isn't a great time for feeling sexy, however, I just read that a women's orgasm can open up the cervix by at least 2 centimeters....and honey, ya don't need your husband for that!!!!

Anything is worth a try...

I can understand he is worried, but cmon, giving you crap about it is NOT HELPING ANYTHING...

Good luck to you, I really hope you have that baby soon....
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Old 05-15-2005, 08:45 PM
 
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Sending you support and strong labor vibes, mama.

Jenn, future midwife, mama to 2 sweet girls (6/05) and (5/07). 
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Old 05-15-2005, 08:50 PM
 
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(((HUGS))) Sorry you are going through this. My DH also has the same problem with the 42 week mark. Ask the gas station attendant. Anyways, I agree that you need to relax. Stress will not make that baby come faster. Don't stop with things you think might help (like nipple stimulation.....my DH also thinks that's an old wives tale). Check into natural helpers to see what they might do for you but only do what you're comfortable with. You could always try jump roping!

Give more**Expect Less
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Old 05-15-2005, 09:42 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by captain crunchy
Try anything you can...I just read that a women's orgasm can open up the cervix by at least 2 centimeters....and honey, ya don't need your husband for that!!!!
:LOL :

GOod Luck mama sending you some labor vibes

darkstar
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Old 05-15-2005, 11:03 PM
 
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Nipple stimulation is not an old wives tale - here is at least one study that shows it ripens the cervix: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/q...&dopt=Abstract

The only thing *I've* ever seen said about it is that doctors are worried it might cause contractions that are TOO insense, etc. (I think this is bs though)

Mightymoo - Mom to DD (6) and DS (4)
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Old 05-16-2005, 12:37 AM
 
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With that kind of stress in the house I'd stay in the womb too! I know it's all very frustrating but dad's need to realize just how much MORE frustrating it is to not have support! It's not like you're all energized and so into going on and on for weeks. You're ready to hold the babe, you're probably very tired from holding it inside, but babies don't stay inside forever and if you could just relax ...things will really kick in. I know, I as well as millions of others have lived it! If the body reacts to stressors it triggers the body to hold on to the baby. It's basic human instinct. Nature's way of keeping baby out of harms way.

*shrugs* I dunno, he needs to get a grip? So sorry you have to dea lwith this but hopefully you or someone can talk sense into him Kitty
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Old 05-16-2005, 02:27 AM
 
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Hugs to you! I'm sorry this is all so stressful at a time you need to be relaxed.

Just my 2 cents:
When I was in labour with dd I ahd two whole days of very painful contractions about 10 minutes apart that seemed to be going nowehere. My doula recomended a Chinese Medicine Practitioner (who was also a doula). She came to my house and worked on me with herbs and accupuncture. By the time she left, after about 1.5 hours I was in full on labour. Dd was born early the next morning. I was definitely converted to the power of accupuncture that night. You may want to give it a try - the whole treatment was really relaxing too, which probably helped a lot. Best $50 we've ever spent!
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Old 05-17-2005, 04:59 PM
 
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aslmere I was just wondering what, if anything, has happened? Update us so we know what's going on with you and your baby!

Give more**Expect Less
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Old 05-18-2005, 08:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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On Monday I had my appointment with the OB. I agreed to a NST.
The NST was non-reactive so I had a U/S Biophysical Profile. The BPP was 4 out of 8 and it showed his amniotic fluid was thick. And I agreed to be induced. (I promised Dh that if anything looked the little bit wrong that I would be induced)
I was sent straight to L&D. I stayed in my clothes for a while and the new monitoring strip showed that he was now being reactive, but with the results of the BPP 4 out of 8 we felt he still needed to come out.
My doula showed up about 5:30 and my mom shortly after that. I am soooo glad that I had the doula!
They hooked up the IV and pit about 6 pm. The pit was increased gradually.. and I was able to handle it easily.
Then about 9 the nurse came in and said my dr said we had to break my water because we really needed to know what that was that was making my water thick.
I wanted another 45 minutes... I knew breaking my water would be fast and furious (IT WAS!) but the intern came in and said we had to do it now.
So at 9:30 my they broke my water.
For the first 30 minutes things got gradually harder. At first I was only haveing to deal with the peaks... and then all of a sudden it was really hard! The contractions were on top of each other. It took 90 minutes to get to a 5. And after that I thought I was going to lose it. I kept saying I couldn't do it anymore and I wasn't strong enough.
I moved all over the place. The best place was standing next to the bed and kinda squatting with the doula and the nurse holding me up during contractions.
After I got back in bed to be checked and was at a 5, I was laboring sitting up cris cross legs and head back.
Very quickly I couldn't take that anymore and wanted to be on my side lying down. Shortly after I got on my side my body started pushing a little bit during each contraction.
The nurse checked me and I was an 8. I said I needed something and the nurse gave me half a dose of Nubain.
That made me relax a tiny bit more between contractions. one minute later My body was pushing. They tried to get me to stop... but my body wouldn't listen!
The nurse said they had to get the intern in there NOW!
She barely made it. I pushed lying on my side for a few pushes and then when the intern finally made it in the room I rolled on my back and pushed three times and out FLEW my baby boy.
He came so fast that I tore my on my old scar... a three degree tear.
The time from 5 cm to pushing him out was 20 minutes.
He was born 2 hours and 10 minutes after my water was broken.
My Ob finally made it in time to help sew me up. They did a really bad job numbing me and I could feel the sewing up.. but it was soon over.
Baby boy had stuff in his lungs and tummy that usually get pushed out in the birth canal, but he didn't spend enough time there so after a minute on my tummy they had to take him to suction his lungs.
I got him back soon after and we tried to nurse. He was too sleepy until 11 am the next day and practically hasn't unlatched since!
It was a littel bit of meconium that was making my fliud look thick, but he didn't have any issues with it. I was told that he did look a little post dates with his peeling skin.. but the placenta still looked fine. I am just glad that he is okay. And for the most part I got the birth I wanted... it was so different than the other two and yes in a way was empowering that I COULD have a birth without an epidural.

About 4 am DH and I finally decided on his name. Finnerty Edward Nelson. We will be calling him Finn... and it fits

He was okayed to go home very soon, but my OB felt that with the big tear and other little ones at home I needed to stay a second night to heal.

Lianne LOVES her new brother and Conor so far said baby and clapped his hands... he was jsut excited to see mommy again! I missed them both so much!

I am sure I left a lot out. But I need to go nurse again.

I am so in love!
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Old 05-18-2005, 09:19 PM
 
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Congratulations! Welcome to Finn! I'm so glad your birth went well and your baby is safely here in your arms!
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Old 05-18-2005, 11:44 PM
 
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congrats

Gigi. Mommy to 3 girls.
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Old 05-19-2005, 12:46 AM
 
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Yay!!! Congratulations! Sounds fast n furious! (read: owch) hahaha, enjoy, Kitty
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Old 05-19-2005, 03:38 AM
 
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Congrats!!!!

Cristina - "If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded." Maya Angelou
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Old 05-19-2005, 03:53 AM
 
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Congratulations!!!

anna kiss partner to jon radical mama to aleks (8/02) and bastian (5/05)
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Old 05-19-2005, 10:48 AM
 
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Im glad your birth experience worked out for you mama! Enjoy that babe
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Old 05-19-2005, 01:30 PM
 
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Congratulations! I love the name Finn (and its variations). Enjoy your new baby!

Mightymoo - Mom to DD (6) and DS (4)
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Old 05-19-2005, 11:13 PM
 
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congratulations, I am glad everything worked out for you
crystal
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