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I feel terrible!!

784 views 5 replies 5 participants last post by  Love2mykids 
#1 ·
I didn't think I had Postpartum depression because I don't really feel sad like I usually do when i'm depressed. I have struggled with depression since I was 17 and it runs in my family deeply. I actually figured i'd end up with PPD, but still didn't recognize the signs until now, at 11 weeks PP. I had some prenatal depression in the beginning of my pregnancy, but it went away after a while. It was totally different from the way I feel now.

I don't feel like myself. I'm having thoughts i've never had before. I keep having these crazy fantasies that run through my head all day of hurting my baby. It makes me feel like a bad mother. How could I feel this way? I love my baby. She's very sweet and smiles all the time. She's not overly fussy. She only fusses when hungry or if she has gas. I don't want to hurt her. The thoughts that run through my mind scare me to no end. I'm terrified that i'll snap and hurt my baby. I scheduled a doctor's appointment for the soonest they can get me in (next week). I want to get on meds. I can't handle these thoughts. I just need some relief... at least until I can get all the counseling I need. My doctor will refer me to someone i'm sure so I can get counseling. What can I do right now, to cope? I just want to be myself again.

My mother is living with me right now and helping me and DH out. DH is out to sea though, so i'm alone some of the time when my mom is at work.
 
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#3 ·
hi there,

everything you're describing sounds textbook PPD to me... the intrusive thoughts can be really scary. i think a good coping strategy is to recognize that they are just thoughts and they have no power. you are not your thoughts. some women visualize a stop sign when these thoughts enter their consciousness and that helps them to acknowledge the thought and move on. your therapist will really be able to help you deal with these episodes.

Can you find a therapist now instead of waiting for a referral from your OB? THere are many wonderful organizations that can help you locate a local specialist in PPD. Postpartum Support International is a great starting point: http://postpartum.net/

I know it probably feels like you've been suffering for a really long time, but 11 weeks is super early on... and the earlier you begin treating, the faster you will recover. Its wonderful that you are reaching out and asking for help. you will get through this and you are most certainly not alone. I hope you find someone who can help you soon because you deserve to feel better.

best to you mama!
 
#6 ·
I feel like you have taken the words right out of my mouth. I just gave birth (my daughter is only 6 days old) and I feel like I am losing my mind! I have been seeing a therapist because I suffered from PPD with my first daughter (3 yrs old) and had a feeling that I would go through something similar this time around.
I just returned from my therapist appointment today and cried my eyeballs out! These hormones are aweful! The best advice that I can give you is only what my therapist has given to me:
1. PPD is temporary and IT WILL GO AWAY!
2. Lots of moms have gone through this and are now the mothers of happy, well adjusted babies.
3. Medication is available. I am taking Lexapro (and am going to up my dosage to 20 mg)
4. See a therapist ASAP
5. Take time for your self (take walk, take a bath, whatever calms you downs.)
6. Get the thoughts out. My therapist suggests journaling the thoughts and then burning them or ripping them up.
7. Develop a mantra: My mantras are "I will not allow my anxious thoughts to steal my joy" and "These are just thoughts, they are chemicals, they have no control over me."

YOU ARE GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS!!

Please keep me posted and use me as a resource if you need me. I would love to be able to discuss things with you!!
 
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