crappy day and a period - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 12-04-2003, 02:53 PM - Thread Starter
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Hey Guys
I haven't checked in in a while. I have been on zoloft and in therapy now for about 3 months and for the most part have been doing great. Unfortunately I had a bad session with the therapist this week and then started my period today (for the first time in 2 1/2 years).
I am very disoriented because my therapist has been so helpful to me in dealing with the PPD, but this week made several comments that were decidedly anti-AP. She really wants me to consider letting the 21 month old cry-it-out and is totally convinced that it is my emotional "issues" and not the wellfare of the child that are motivating me to keep "parenting" him to sleep. I am reading the discipline book by Dr. Sears and she scoffed at that, and really put him down, and I happen to really like and agree with his method. So I am pretty bummed out. Which has me doubting all the things she has said that made me feel better about my PPD with my 4 month old.
On top of that I just started my period which I am really bummed about as well. I know it's a strange thing to be depressed about, but I was really proud in a strange way about having breast feed my babies on demand and all through the night and one of the pay-offs for that was the supression of fertility. And I gave my 4 month old a pacifier for the first 3 months (it helped with his colic) but have since weaned him off it.
I called my DH at told him about my period and told him I was kind of upset about it and that it sort of makes me feel like a failure as an AP mom. He said, well are you surprised? you gave the kid a pacifier. Which made me feel even worse. And I guess I did know that the pacifier would lessen the effect that breastfeeding has on fertility, but the comment was kind of accusitory and I already feel badly.
so it's just been a crappy day and I needed to vent.
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#2 of 6 Old 12-04-2003, 11:50 PM
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Softmama, I'm sorry you have had such a rotten day/week. If you have had a good relationship with and liked your therapist up till now, please contact her and tell her exactly how her comments made you feel. A therapist's job is NOT to tell you what to do, and especially not to encourage you to go against your central beliefs.

Having said that, my therapist (who is awesome and an AP mom herself) will sometimes suggest things just to see how I feel about them. When I've said in the past that I needed to exercise more, she's asked, "Would you be willing to leave your daughter in the daycare at the gym?" I told her "no" and why. Then a few months later when I was talking about exercise again, she brought it back up and asked if still felt the same way. I might have construed it to mean she was pushing me to do that, but I knew she was just putting the option out there as something to consider and not something she thought I should definitely do. Could it be that our therapist is just asking you to consider something, but not really thinking you SHOULD do it? It's hard to know without having been in your session how adamant she was being. But the bottom line is that if you felt uncomfortable, you should communicate that to her, and if you don't feel like you get the resolution you want or it continues, you should find a new therapist.

Regarding Dr. Sears, it sounds from your post like your therapist's comments were inappropriate. Had she actually read the book or was she just denouncing Dr. Sears overall? Now I adore Dr. Sears and believe he is a wonderful man to whom the AP movement owes a lot of thanks...BUT not everything he has written has worked for us. I have a spirited DD and for whatever reasons, discipline is a very hard thing with her. I read the "Discipline Book" hoping it would solve our problems, but I just had to laugh at some of the absurd suggestions in there that would NEVER work with my spirited DD. There is a lot of good info in there, espeically if you have a mild-mannered child, but I wasn't too thrilled with the book overall, for our situation.

About the pacifiers, your husband's comment was not only rude, but uninformed. I have tons of mom friends, some who've used pacifiers, some who have not. I know a woman who didn't use a pacifier and got her period back at 3 months post-partum! I know moms who did use pacifiers sometimes and got their periods back over a year post-partum. There is just a HUGE variety of how long it takes before you get your period back post-partum. Breastfeeding, especially night feeding, CAN suppress menstruation in many women, but it certainly doesn't in all women! Don't forget to take extra precautions with birth control if you aren't TTC again yet.

I actually got my first post-partum period on my BIRTHDAY, of all cruel jokes! :LOL

I hope you can call your therapist soon and talk about the last session. Hugs to you, hope your weekend is better.

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#3 of 6 Old 12-05-2003, 02:32 AM
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Sorry your feeling Badly!!!

I agree that you should let your therapist know how her comments made you feel!!
If nothing more being upfront with your feelings could be empowering and in itself help you to feel better.
I consider myself a totally committed Attachment parent and have used a pacifier.
My midwife was just telling me that although after my last pregnancy it took 18 months for my period to return it may still return much sooner this time. She says she often sees that happen with women regardless of how often they nurse.
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#4 of 6 Old 12-05-2003, 10:54 AM - Thread Starter
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Thanks for your support.
I don't know why my period caught me so by suprise. I did talk to my dh when he got home and he apologized and was very supportive. We discussed the situation with the therapist and he does not want to go that route, he fully supports the AP approach. It helps that he sees the same therapist (we go individually). I will have to screw up the courage to talk to her about this and let her know that I am committed to my beliefs on this one. I just can't stick my kid in a room and walk away and let him cry all night. Too scary for him!
I do hear what you're saying about the discipline book. Sears does seem somewhat idealistic which is funny considering how many kids he had. Luckily, our 21 month old is mild mannered. Though we are in for a rougher road with the babe. he is quite spirited!
Anyway, I am feeling better about it all and am going to take your suggestion and talk to the therapist about how her comments made me feel.
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#5 of 6 Old 12-06-2003, 01:14 AM
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I hope your weekend looks up. Getting the period back sucks. It was nice not to have PMS in addition to all the other things for a while.:

I hope you can get back on track with your therapist. Maybe she was having an off day since it seems that she wasn't her usual self. Not that that excuses the behavior.
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#6 of 6 Old 12-07-2003, 04:18 PM
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...I got my period back despite BF after 2 mos... and now that he's 6 mos...they are a real drag...
I am sorry you had a crappy time of it this week...I am still feeling out my new therapist, and I realize there are certain things I may just have to avoid talking about because I don't want to have to justify anything to her especially (I get enough of that with my overbearing mother!!!)

Speking of periods... know that some of the depression can get worse with hormones and the cycles too... I know it will take about 2 years for my body to regulate out again, and in the meantime, pms and ppd look ALOT alike!

hugs and support to you!
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