Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: in a constant state of chaos
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I was also a bit disturbed by the idealism in his thoughts. I strongly believe in God, attend church regularly and my ds goes to Catholic school. However, when I was sinking into the well of my depression a year and a half ago, I was begging God for help, I didn't know what was wrong with me and I just wanted to be better. I didn't magically get better like I hoped.
Instead, God worked a bit more behind the scenes. I truly believe that in the end, when I was told I was a hypochondriac by my internist, and basically blown off, he led me to the ER one night with what I thought was a heart attack. It turns out that the wonderful doctor there told me I was having a panic attack, and showed me all the symptoms and explained to me exactly what it all meant. He told me to call my doctor the next morning and that he would have talked to her and they would help me. Well, she put me on Paxil and Xanex, neither of which worked for me. I begged her for a week and a half to help me because I could no longer help myself or care for my children. She would tell me to take another xanex and blow me off.
I finally got so bad that I believe that God touched my dh and he took me to the ER once again. I was sure that I was dying of something horrid that they just weren't diagnosing. The ER doctor (a different one) asked me some questions and told me that I was suffering from clinical depression. He spoke to the Psychiatrist on call and they both agreed that at that point I needed to be admitted to get my weight back up, get me correctly medicated and get my poor body back on track again.
The next morning I was told by the psychiatrist that the insurance company didn't want me to stay and they wanted me discharged. I couldn't believe it. He told me that he wasn't going to discharge me and he would work it out. He did. I stayed six days until I felt ready to leave. I was also told by the nurses that work there that my insurance doesn't allow patients to be admitted into that particular hospital. Evidenally they make them transfer patients to a hospital half an hour away in a different town because they have a contract with that hospital. That would have been a mess. They told me that I was the only patient that they have ever allowed to stay in town, and they couldn't figure out why the didn't require the transfer.
I know that all of that was due to the hand of God in my life. I firmly believe that my prayers were being answered, just not in the way I would have liked. No big miracles, just lots of small ones, almost too small to see unless you are looking for them. He gives us what we need and shows us the way, we just have to be willing and able to see where he is guiding us. It isn't always going to be as clear as "if you just believed hard enough you would be better." God gives us the tools, we have to know how to use them. Personally, I would have felt even worse being told that my faith wasn't strong enough or I wouldn't be depressed. That's another guilt trip to add to the depression.
The Pope has parkinson's disease and I'm guessing that his faith is pretty strong. He uses his faith to get through and accept what has been placed in his path and to see God's plan in it. Suffering isn't always bad, lessons are learned and strength is gained. I have learned so much from may battle with depression and thus have helped many others. Sometimes there are reasons for our suffering that we can't understand at the time. I personally am greatful for my experience with depression. I feel that I am a better person from the lessons I have learned. I wouldn't trade the experience for a quick cure.
I don't intend this to be a tyrade about religion, but most people who practice an organized faith will likely find your ds's idealism simple, albiet sweet. I felt enough guilt about my frustration with God at first for not making me better, and having my mother say nearly the same thing to me as your ds said to you, only made me worse, not better. Thankfully, my faith was strong enough to help me overlook her "helpful" statement, and to help me find the way to healing. I would hate for anyone to think that their depression is their fault because their faith isn't strong enough.