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#1 of 6 Old 12-06-2003, 04:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey! Yesterday I was hanging out with my 18yr old son.
I am spiritual, but not religious. I never took my children to church, but tried to instill in them the sense of a god in everyone& everything (not neccesarily a conventional god). Well anyway my son is telling me how he got to go to a Stained concert for free. Next thing I know he's talking about my anxiety. He says,

" I don't worry about anything. God takes care of me! Anything I need I get. I don't have to worry ever! My life is so great!! Aren't you thankful for what you have? Why are you always so easily upset? Why do you need to take Meds? If you just believed in God you wouldn't have to worry!"
I told my son I did believe, but he didn't think I believed enough! He felt if I truly did I would no longer get anxiety or depression! He felt I needed to be more grateful for what I have!! and trust in Life!
I just wanted to share this with you all.
I just thought these words of wisdom were pretty amazing coming from an 18 year old who has never practiced religion, whose father committed suicide when he was 2yrs old, and who has seen his mom cope with depression.

Hopefully his great attitude will prevail and even if depression is in his genes he will defeat it with his faith!!
I guess our children truly are our teachers!!
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#2 of 6 Old 12-06-2003, 09:05 PM
 
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Quote:
I don't worry about anything. God takes care of me! Anything I need I get. I don't have to worry ever! My life is so great!!
I think this is a beautiful idea...but very idealistic.
This part disturbs me...

Quote:
Why are you always so easily upset? Why do you need to take Meds? If you just believed in God you wouldn't have to worry!"
I told my son I did believe, but he didn't think I believed enough! He felt if I truly did I would no longer get anxiety or depression! He felt I needed to be more grateful for what I have!! and trust in Life!
I have actually been told a similar statement by another mom. She meant well, but really had no idea what she was speaking of. It is similar to "If only I was a stronger person..."
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#3 of 6 Old 12-07-2003, 02:58 AM
 
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I was also a bit disturbed by the idealism in his thoughts. I strongly believe in God, attend church regularly and my ds goes to Catholic school. However, when I was sinking into the well of my depression a year and a half ago, I was begging God for help, I didn't know what was wrong with me and I just wanted to be better. I didn't magically get better like I hoped.

Instead, God worked a bit more behind the scenes. I truly believe that in the end, when I was told I was a hypochondriac by my internist, and basically blown off, he led me to the ER one night with what I thought was a heart attack. It turns out that the wonderful doctor there told me I was having a panic attack, and showed me all the symptoms and explained to me exactly what it all meant. He told me to call my doctor the next morning and that he would have talked to her and they would help me. Well, she put me on Paxil and Xanex, neither of which worked for me. I begged her for a week and a half to help me because I could no longer help myself or care for my children. She would tell me to take another xanex and blow me off.

I finally got so bad that I believe that God touched my dh and he took me to the ER once again. I was sure that I was dying of something horrid that they just weren't diagnosing. The ER doctor (a different one) asked me some questions and told me that I was suffering from clinical depression. He spoke to the Psychiatrist on call and they both agreed that at that point I needed to be admitted to get my weight back up, get me correctly medicated and get my poor body back on track again.

The next morning I was told by the psychiatrist that the insurance company didn't want me to stay and they wanted me discharged. I couldn't believe it. He told me that he wasn't going to discharge me and he would work it out. He did. I stayed six days until I felt ready to leave. I was also told by the nurses that work there that my insurance doesn't allow patients to be admitted into that particular hospital. Evidenally they make them transfer patients to a hospital half an hour away in a different town because they have a contract with that hospital. That would have been a mess. They told me that I was the only patient that they have ever allowed to stay in town, and they couldn't figure out why the didn't require the transfer.

I know that all of that was due to the hand of God in my life. I firmly believe that my prayers were being answered, just not in the way I would have liked. No big miracles, just lots of small ones, almost too small to see unless you are looking for them. He gives us what we need and shows us the way, we just have to be willing and able to see where he is guiding us. It isn't always going to be as clear as "if you just believed hard enough you would be better." God gives us the tools, we have to know how to use them. Personally, I would have felt even worse being told that my faith wasn't strong enough or I wouldn't be depressed. That's another guilt trip to add to the depression.

The Pope has parkinson's disease and I'm guessing that his faith is pretty strong. He uses his faith to get through and accept what has been placed in his path and to see God's plan in it. Suffering isn't always bad, lessons are learned and strength is gained. I have learned so much from may battle with depression and thus have helped many others. Sometimes there are reasons for our suffering that we can't understand at the time. I personally am greatful for my experience with depression. I feel that I am a better person from the lessons I have learned. I wouldn't trade the experience for a quick cure.

I don't intend this to be a tyrade about religion, but most people who practice an organized faith will likely find your ds's idealism simple, albiet sweet. I felt enough guilt about my frustration with God at first for not making me better, and having my mother say nearly the same thing to me as your ds said to you, only made me worse, not better. Thankfully, my faith was strong enough to help me overlook her "helpful" statement, and to help me find the way to healing. I would hate for anyone to think that their depression is their fault because their faith isn't strong enough.
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#4 of 6 Old 12-07-2003, 09:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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You are both right!

At the time I thought my son was so sweet, but you have made me realize it is a very idealistic view he holds.

I am a true believer that my problems are 90% chemical. I can remember a time when I tried so hard to wish it away with faith, therapy, and attitude. Meds have been the only thing that has worked for me.

I realize now that if someone else had said the same thing to me I would have been angry. I would have thought they were ignorant about depression.

It was just good to hear my son so happy and positive that I kind of overlooked what he was really saying!
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#5 of 6 Old 12-08-2003, 01:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have been thinking about my son's words and my reaction to them and I have kind of realized some things-

I didn't at the time, and still don't believe that my son was being idealistic. He wasn't saying my faith would heal me. He was trying to show me that it would be easier to live with ppd if I accepted it, and had faith that it was there for a reason.

I tend to walk around angry because I have to deal with ppd. I am always hating it and trying to escape it. I think he was just trying to say that God is watching over me and not to worry. It is okay to have ppd. If I accepted it as part of a plan I could maybe live more peacefully with it.

Yes, the Pope has Parkinson's, but is he angry about it? Does he shut himself up in a bed because of it? How does his faith affect his attitude about his disease? He has disease, but his faith prevents him from having dis-ease!
The reason I perceived my son's words in this way is because he said his life is perfect. It is not. He has learning disabilities and has had to work VERY HARD for everything he has. He wasn't handed anything easily by a God, and yet he has a good positive attitude and never gives up- Which is what I often do! He knows I let this defeat me sometimes (lay in bed all day, don't do things I want to do for fear I'll have anxiety) and he was just trying to show me a way to live harmoniously with this disease.

Anyway, I guess what I originally wanted wasn't so much to debate about religion, but discuss finding ways (ex. faith) to live comfortably with ppd. Though ppd isn't ever fun we can sometimes learn from it and our attitude about life in general will affect how we deal with it.
Like alot of you women here I hope I can come out of this feeling that I learned something and have become stronger because of it. I don't want to walk away seeing only the "horror" of this experience. I think my son was trying to show me one of the ways to do just that.
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#6 of 6 Old 12-09-2003, 01:53 AM
 
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Petitemama, it sounds like you have a wonderful son with a beautiful spirit. When you start to feel down, remember that your son wouldn't be that way if he hadn't had an awesome mama - YOU!

Carol
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