Wow, you have so much going on! Please don't beat yourself up for feeling cranky and tired - you have many children and a brand new baby. I agree with EwokMomma that your reaction is completely normal. I remember wanting to bash my husband's brains in with a cast iron pan on and off throughout the first month of our daughter's life - I only felt this way when it seemed he was not helping or being supportive in the ways I needed at the time.
Of course I don't know your husband, so please don't take offense when I say that I think he is being ridiculous at this point in time
. I think from what you posted that this is not a SAHM issue right now, it is an exhaustion/lack of support issue. Of course your husband deserves time to do his own thing, but I hope you'll forgive me for saying I don't think he is entitled to any break right now with such a tiny baby at home. You
won't be getting any break for a little while, and it is completely fair for you to demand any non-working time of his be spent at home just now. Maybe you could let him know that you really need his help and support for at least the first 6 weeks? (I only have the one child, but I found things became much easier in many ways at the 6 week mark, and friends of mine have had the same experience so it seems like a pretty common thing.)
The PP's suggestion to get some household help if possible is a great one, because you shouldn't have to worry about ALL the laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc. right now - you have enough to do!
And then I think you should have a talk with your husband about your need for help. Btw, this IS a need, not a want. SAHM or not, you are not going to be able to sustain this much activity without being miserable. To be fair to him (since most men seem to lack intuition about things like this), he may be thinking that if you aren't asking for help then you don't really need it. It blows my mind sometimes the things my (otherwise sensitive) husband isn't able to figure out on his own. Spelling it out for him and giving him a proposed timeframe for when he can resume his outside activities might be the ticket.
I hope this gets better for you soon!