Relapse into PPD - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 8 Old 09-15-2009, 12:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I was wondering how your healing process went after being diagnosed? Was it mostly an improvement or did you hit some more holes in the months that followed?

Some background: Shortly after a traumatic birth in May, I was diagnosed with severe PPD. I had completely lost it: crying all day, constant thoughts of self-harm, guilt about being a bad mother, etc. So, I was prescribed Zoloft and started therapy. After about 6 weeks, I was feeling a lot better, but not quite right, and there were still some thoughts of self-harm, so my dose was upped to 100mg. After that, for the rest of the summer, I was feeling quite well, and my life seemed awesome and I enjoyed spending time with my baby.

However, for the last week or so, I've been feeling worse once again. I've started going back to work at the beginning of September, and since then I've felt overwhelmed and less able to cope. I've also been having more negative thoughts concerning myself, worry a lot, and I'm often not quite willing to engage with the baby. He's sleeping worse than before, and because I'm nursing him several times during the night and we're cosleeping for part of the night, I am often very tired and exhausted. Also, because of the demands of my job (I teach college, and despite a load reduction this semester, still work around 40 hours a week), I have stopped exercising, which is probably not helping either. Not sure what is going on? Am I relapsing into PPD? Should I try to get my medication adjusted? Should I try to plan/organize my day even more thoroughly?

Working Mom to DS1 (05/09) and DS2 (08/11). 

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#2 of 8 Old 09-22-2009, 12:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Still not much better here. Should have probably spend more time perusing the other thread (15 months and lingering), but it seemed not quite applicable to what's going on here. Anyone?

Working Mom to DS1 (05/09) and DS2 (08/11). 

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#3 of 8 Old 09-22-2009, 02:34 AM
 
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I think that adding an extra stressor (work in your case) can definitely make your PPD "come back" or get worse. Just as you were getting accustomed to your routine and life with your lo you went back to work. I think it's totally normal to have episodes, I know that I certainly do! I will feel fine for weeks at a time then all of a sudden it all seems like it's crumbling. I think that's just how PPD works.

PPD is a long healing process. It doesn't just get better, it takes time and it's a long hard road. You go two steps forward then take one step back. All you can really do is keep on taking your meds and talking to a therapist if you have one, and maintaining a good support system. If you feel like you are slipping and the meds aren't helping you might need to increase them, and that's ok!

I know that for me talking really helps me get through the rough patches, I go to a PPD support group. It's just really nice to be able to say all the things I am thinking or going through and hearing a bunch of other women agree and say they feel the same way

Elijah Mercury (7/2009), TTC #2 with my new soon to be DH! Tattooed, 29 year old cancer survivor! treehugger.gif

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#4 of 8 Old 09-24-2009, 09:35 PM
 
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I just want to say it got better once I realized what the problem was (with some help) and started taking care of it. Then... it got worse again when I went back to work. I am just starting to come out the other side again (2 months later) and am having more better days lately now that we have settled into our new routine but it is still hard sometimes. I think being away from her makes me more detached from her which makes it harder to handle her when I am home. It is getting better though, slowly.

SAHM to one sweet little
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#5 of 8 Old 09-29-2009, 11:49 PM
 
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first I have not had it severe and not diagnosed by doc with PPD but I still have my down days, like yesterday or last week when I went on a rant on our DDC. I'm well most days but I struggle here and there. I havn't been doin therapy, probably a bad idea...what about you?

I do fine with the baby except I get frustrated at night so introducing the paci has helped some. The 4 yo I don't do as well with. I'm not mothering her very well these days. To others it wouldn't look like it but i know how i used to be with her. I tried homeschoolin a few weeks ago and stressed myself out, I think that's part of why I've crashed...the world puts so many pressures on moms that I think I have to be doin more than just takin care of my the kids needs.

I'm in my head alot these days...so much questioning of why am I here, what am I supposed to be doing in addition to mothering? There has to be more to life than just the daily to dos...I always believe in God and never want to hurt myself but somedays I just cry and cry and mope and think all day long

So yeah, I think it comes and goes with life changes...if you feel you need to adjust meds, do it. definatly schedule therapy if you can. I'm callin tomorrow.
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#6 of 8 Old 10-27-2009, 12:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Brief update: Things are much better than they were 8 weeks ago. I feel like I can sort of cope with the double stress of being a mom and working (almost) full time. I still sometimes struggle with more severe depressive symptoms, but they are manageable.

What has helped me most is probably therapy (there's no PPD-support group within 60 miles of where I live even though it would probably be necessary to start one). There were so many things to work through, and I was totally unwilling to face them until I was pushed to do so. Now I understand that one of the things causing PPD has to do with the way that motherhood challenges my understanding of who I am. How is it possible to be myself (highly motivated career person) and DS' mom? I'm still not too sure, but I wish I had begun to think about the difficulty inherent in bridging the divide earlier or known that this would be a problem.

I'm still trying to get back into exercise, but I have accepted the fact that it is difficult to fit it into my schedule as long as my son needs me as much as he does these days. On the other hand, it has become easier to assert my needs, and to put more child care responsibility on DH's shoulders.

Working Mom to DS1 (05/09) and DS2 (08/11). 

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#7 of 8 Old 10-27-2009, 11:12 PM
 
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glad to hear you are doing better. I just wanted to add that it may not only be ppd, it could be regular depression/anxiety brought on by pregnancy/birth. I started Lexapro after my last son was born and probably could have used it for at least a year before that. I was able to get off of it in July with no problems. I just had to start again. I'm thinking it could be because my son just turned a terrible two or it's the change of seasons. It's been gray and rainy and I started to just feel myself sinking to the point I knew lexapro would be the only solution. I started exercising and yoga but even that I couldn't do. I need to balance the chemistry first.

Good Luck! :-)
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#8 of 8 Old 10-30-2009, 01:08 AM
 
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