Is this PPD or just Baby Blues? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 10-05-2009, 02:14 AM - Thread Starter
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We just had our baby September 25th and at nine days out I am feeling all weepy when I think about all I have to do, get done, or when I spend time with DD1 who is 7, you can tell she is upset about DD2 but keeps telling me "I'm fine". Clearly she is not as we both had a meltdown tonight which ended up with her telling me she does not like her sister. I feel like I am betraying DD1 by spending any time with DD2 who is BF so naturally I am with her a lot. Also, I don't really feel the connection I did with DD1 and that came almost instantly with the first daughter. Why not the second? I am afraid to gush or coo at the baby or even to give her kisses too much in front of DD1 because everyone is already making such a deal over the new baby that I feel like that is contributing to my first feeling left out, abandoned and forgotten. Even though she has not used these words, I am very tuned in with her and feel as though this is how the situation is affecting her. I ended up in the bathroom just sobbing as I don't know what to do. I love them both but can't really speak to anyone because I will just cry. I don't have feelings of wanting to hurt either of them but I do have feelings of wanting to just "get away" from the whole new atmosphere at our house right now. I can't really reassure DD1 when I feel so unsure right now and I feel as though hubbie just doesn't get it. I do see a therapist and will be seeing her Tuesday. I don't know much about PPD and did have what I called the baby blues with my first right about this time. The two pregnancy's were completely different with my first being a classic textbook pregnancy and my second being a very harsh reality check with many physical and emotional battles. Also, I feel guilt-major guilt. Like I keep asking myself "What have I done? Why did I have another child when we were doing fine before?" This leads to guilt because I want my second baby, I love her and I could enjoy her if I didn't feel so depressed and guilty. Help me to understand this...

Wife to DH who worshipsbow.gif me (code for tolerates me) (2001), mom of one DDsleepytime.gif (April 2002) and one DDfly-by-nursing1.gif who arrived forcefully (Sept 2009) Caretaker of Boogie the cat and fish/reef hobbyist. Just tryin' to maintain...banghead.gifteapot2.GIF In major need of...grouphug.gif

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#2 of 3 Old 10-05-2009, 11:57 PM
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oh mama (((((HUGS)))))

get in to your doc and talk to him/her too, not just your therapist. This does sound like it could be the start of PPD and that does need help.

It is so easy to be overwhelmed so soon out from giving birth, but to throw guilt of another child having a hard time is really hard. Our eldest DD was 7 when DS was born and it was a HUGE transition for her. Know that she will get through it, and grow to love her sister, and that there is only so much you can do to help her. Can others take her out for special treats? like DH and her make a movie date night? Or grandparents take her out for a special one on one time? It sounds like that is what she is craving, and you just simply cannot provide that right now, and that is OKAY.

Make sure you are getting enough rest. Exhaustion from trying to do too much will aggravate PPD. Lay in bed, snuggle your new little girl and try to bond. Eat well, stay hydrated and try to take care of yourself first. If you aren't doing well, then no one will do well ya know?

Proud mama to DD#1 (11) DS (4) and DD#2 ( 2 )
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#3 of 3 Old 10-06-2009, 11:20 AM
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I totally agree with what Carrie said (yogachick ).....

having a second baby is hard-- it is a transition for everyone-- but you will all get through this okay, but please try to involved your husband so he knows you need him more, DD1 needs one on one time with him-- and make sure you keep him posted if your symptoms change and/or get worse.

can you ask a close friend to bring a special gift for DD1 and come over and not fuss over the baby, then take DD1 out for something really nice? The zoo, some ice cream, shopping at a toy store to pick out a new toy for her and also one for her sister?

lastly, i noticed my DS1 was having some issues (can't remember how many days/weeks postpartum) and I sat him down (he is 3.5 years) and looked him straight in the face and held him and told him "you know how much i love you, right? you know mama will ALWAYS be here for you, right?" then I explained what the baby needs and how I did those SAME things for DS1 when he was a baby. Then I asked him if he wanted to do something special just him and mama (we do this more frequently now that DS2 is 7 mos) tomorrow. We talked about what we could do together, and eventhough he is only 3.5 he nodded the whole time with tears streaming down his face and I could tell he understood what I was talking about.

since your DD1 is 7 years old, she will be able to be much more involved and understanding, I would think, if you just sat her down and explained it.

I know it's hard-- this too shall pass.

bottom line: don't rule out PPD.....but do give it a few more days, a visit with your therapist, some more self care (naps, baths, foot massage) and forgiveness etc...update us will you?


Miles (December 2005) Pascual (March 2009). P's was my beautiful home waterbirth that healed me from my M's birth. natural birth, midwifery, postpartum depression, babywearing, breastfeeding.
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