Please. I need help. I just can't do this anymore. - Mothering Forums
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Postpartum Depression > Please. I need help. I just can't do this anymore.
neveryoumindthere's Avatar neveryoumindthere 06:11 PM 02-13-2004
I've finally come to the PPD's just gotten so bad I cant deal anymore...

I feel utter RAGE and despair whenever she starts her crying/screaming outbursts which is several times a day. I'm crying right a long with her and saying out loud "i cant take this anymore!" asking her in a yelling tone of voice "what do you WANT!!!" She doesnt sleep during the day, she's constantly cranky, i often hate nursing her because she fights it even though i know she's hungry

I dont want to yell. I dont want to feel like this...I dont feel like getting out of bed in the morning just dreading the day ahead.

Yesterday dh came home from work and took her and asked for a hug and the second i hugged him i couldnt stop the tears from falling. I cried and cried and cried for an hour, telling him i dont want to be a mom anymore and why cant she be normal and i'm not cut out for this job...even to the point that again later when he wanted to comfort me i refused to hug him because "I dont even want to see her" (he was holding her)

It's honestly gotten that bad. Many times I dont even want to see her. I dont want to hear her. I dont want to play with her. I just want to hide and be alone and let her fend for herself

Being cooped up in the house all day long with a screaming baby, with freezing cold temps outside, I feel like i'm going to go crazy. I dont want anyone over because my house is a mess and I cant clean it up. I dont want to go out because she causes such a fuss when I have to get her jacket on and get her in the carseat it's not even worth the effort.

I've taken a few ppd quizzes over the past couple of months and every one i've taken points to depression...After yesterday and today I'm ready to finally do something about it. I've waited way too long and I dont want this to go on. She deserves to have a mom that genuinely wants to comfort her not just because i want her to shutup I constantly have thoughts running thru my mind and i cant even pinpoint what they are. just a jumbled mess in my head. cant concentrate. constantly staring off into space.

I am THISCLOSE to using CIO

I want to enjoy being a mom. Is that too much to ask? I've been dreaming about how i would treat my kids differently than I had been treated and here i am miserable and cant cope a mere 8 months after she's born. what a failure.

I want to know more about ppd. What causes it? What can I do to help myself cope? Are there tests they run to find out about the chemical imbalance in the brain? Are there natural ways I can treat this? what choice of meds do i have that are ok with breastfeeding? (not zoloft, was on that shortly in highschool and had lots of side effects)

sorry if this doesnt make sense...she's crying next to me.. i even yelled at a telemarketer today that called while dd was screaming...

: :

kama'aina mama's Avatar kama'aina mama 06:24 PM 02-13-2004
I don't have answers. But I do care and will be praying for you. There are a lot of really smart ladies here who can help you out. I am glad you have decided to get help for this terrible problem. I really feel for you momma.
mamacrab's Avatar mamacrab 06:24 PM 02-13-2004
NAK, so this will be short...

but I just had to offer you a big hug

can your dh take a weekday off? you need a block of time during business hours to start making phone calls: your OB or midwife, a PPD support group, a psychologist, LLL.

Help is out there!!! Take steps to find it.

Good luck honey. We are here supporting you.

Softmama's Avatar Softmama 10:10 PM 02-13-2004
Check out the Post Partum Support International web site:

You need to call your OB or your family doctor and go in, perferably with your dh by your side if he is willing. It is fabulous that you are know ready to ask for help. Don't put it off any longer. It can be intimidating to call and make that appointment. IF you don't want to do it, make your dh call and schedule the appointment for you.
Ask your OB for a reference for a therapist. The combination of both your doctor and your therapist makes a great team.
Remember, PPD is treatable. With treatment it is temporary. You can feel joy again.
Please check back and let me know how you are doing.
PM me if you need to.
jbw's Avatar jbw 10:26 PM 02-13-2004
Oh, I just cried when I read your email.


Now here's the hard part - you must ask for help. dh has no idea what to do, so you have to ask him specific things.
**Start with the easy stuff - either ask him to clean the house, or hire a housekeeper - STAT. It's so stressful looking at all the stuff you can't get to.
**Next, get a baby sitter. Find a friend, neighbor, family, SOMEONE to give you a couple hours a day of time to yourself. You understand what I mean when I say that being away from her is sometimes the best thing for your beautiful baby. When you are strong and peaceful you can be the mom you've always wanted to be.
**You may need medicine, and that's ok. I know from being there that just getting some time to yourself, some time to get your life together, and some help around the house is HUGE, and sometimes all it takes. But if you need more - it's OK!

Girlfriend - we all need each other. Talk to your girlfriends. Tell them how much you need some help right now. I guarentee you will be amazed at how many of them will tell you they have experienced the same thing you are feeling right now. You would help your girlfriends - let them be part of your life and help you. That's what we're here for.

You are strong and beautiful - and I don't even know you. But I know if you made the effort to ask for help here, you are on the right path. Go! Go! Go! I know you are strong and can be the mom you've always wanted to be!
neveryoumindthere's Avatar neveryoumindthere 10:35 PM 02-13-2004
thanks for the support...
I've taken that quiz a few times now and the lowest score i've gotten is still over i got 67

I called this dr. who i saw in highschool when i was suffering from depression. I havent seen her in years, but my family doctor is HORRIBLE so hopefully they'll still have me on record and I can go see her instead. she specializes in depression/eating disorders etc. She's really great.

As if it wasnt hard enough to pick up the phone and call, the office was closed today and i'll have to wait till monday:

i'm so low on energy and now have a headache..i was able to cook today so that's a good thing..i just keep feeling that if i had some time to myself each day that I could at least get enough energy to last the rest of the day with her. but i do realize it's more than that..

I was in tears quite a few times today..I pray things will get better soon...

thanks again..
gilnikche's Avatar gilnikche 11:05 PM 02-13-2004
Can you page this doctor? If this is her specialty, then it is probably standard that someone in her practice is on call. Please try. I know how hard it is to ask for help.

Also; will your hubby be home all weekend? You need someone there for you. This is not meant as criticism. I had to have someone with me all the time for 2 weeks after starting meds. I see you are still on the board. Please seek help ASAP.
Jish's Avatar Jish 01:36 AM 02-14-2004
I would love to write a big, long supportive post, but I'm 36 wks pregnant and in constant pain, and I've hit my breaking point tonight and I'm just too tired.

However, I want you to know that asking for help is not admitting some sort of failure. You deserve to be a good mom. The fact that you've had depression issues in the past is a good indicator of what is going on now. There are all sorts of more recent meds that have fewer side effects. Everyone reacts differently to different meds. You can find one that will work for you. It is a brain chemistry issue, it just may have different triggers for different people. There is so much we don't know yet.

One big thing is not to let the good days fool you. I know so many people who have a good day and think "see, I must be okay, I was just having a bad day (week, month.) Having good days with depression is normal, but somehow we always want to talk ourselves into thinking that the good days mean we are okay and overreacting to the bad days. Don't let the good days fool you.

I hope you are able to find some help and relief soon. Keep us posted on how you are doing.

I'm off to have my mini-breakdown now.:LOL I should be back to normal tomorrow.
vipassanagal's Avatar vipassanagal 02:00 AM 02-14-2004
You are not a bad mom and you don't need to CIO...what it sounds like is that you need help and a break.

Just a little break would help. This weekend see if your dh can keep your dc and you take a long soak, go for a walk, whaterver it takes to have a break.

And, get help, get help, get help! It sounds like you really need it.

Please don't doubt your abilities as a mom. If you need a break - take it (it took me 2 years to learn this) If you can't stand the crying, step outside. Do what it takes to keep it together.

And, if you need to stay in bed - do that. I know, some folks will say get up. But, if you are exhaused sleep. It helps!

Please be well and take care!
sandrajoon's Avatar sandrajoon 03:01 AM 02-14-2004
Hey Neveryoumind,
Does it help to know that you have lots of company with these feelings? About 20% of women experience postpartum depression. Its hell, and its great that you are looking it in the face and getting some help. You will get through it much faster and with less depair if you get good help.

We have lots of support for women suffering with PPD in our community; maybe your community has some of these same services? Try community health nurses; post partum support groups; women's hospitals often have PPD services; women's phone lines for crisis info.

Also, in the meanwhile, try to do something for yourself everyday. This could be a tea break with your feet up; a bubble bath; a walk; some time to read; anything that allows a bit of nurturing for your Self. Your husband can help with this, and he'll probably appreciate having a positive role to play. for a bit more resource info.

There is a light at the end of this tunnel - hang in there.
lilmiss'mama's Avatar lilmiss'mama 03:59 AM 02-14-2004
My sister had bad PPD after her son was born. It got to the point where she just did not want to take care of him. Luckily mom lived close and one day she called my mom and said "I don't want to take care of him, I can't take care of him, I don't even want to feed him." My mom came to get her and Samual and they stayed with her for awhile. My sis had a dp, but he had no clue what to do and she couldn't or wouldn't tell him. Eventually my sister did get on meds and after about a week she was better. She started taking care of Samual again. Do you have family close to help you? I know my sis did not want to do meds, but in the end realized it was necessary for her. She still has a lot of anxiety to this day (always had even as a child). She takes meds and has discovered yoga. She says the yoga really calms her down and she loves the way it makes her feel. So, basically what I am saying is you are not alone. And I think the thing you need to do immediatly is stop beating yourself up!! The power of the mind is amazing and positive thoughts go a long way. You are a good mama for trying to get help for yourself. You obviously love your dd very much. If your dd is crying and you feel like you can't take it, it is okay to step away for a minute. Make sure she is in a safe place and then go outside for a minute, even if it is cold. Take a few deep breaths, scream into a pillow if you need to. Something to release the tension. Your child will not be harmed for life if left to cry for a minute. She will feel better just feeling your calm energy.
Sending and good thoughts your way...
vipassanagal's Avatar vipassanagal 01:43 PM 02-14-2004
neveryoumindthere, how are you feeling and coping?
neveryoumindthere's Avatar neveryoumindthere 02:26 PM 02-14-2004
Well, Jish was right...the good days have been fooling me for months, but when i look back overall i feel like 'man, why cant things go normal?'...

a month after she was born we had to move, then 2 months later we had to move again, we had trouble with nursing and dairy allergies and her incessant screaming and i feel like i'm missing out on all the fun stuff cuz i'm just too darn tired to care

Last night was ok though..I put her in the sling around 9 and went into the bedroom with all the lights off and rocked and sang to her for like 1/2 hour while she fell asleep (she NEVER sleeps before midnight or 1am) i kept her in the sling the whole time thinking maybe it's a nap but she got up to nurse again and went down for the night and i stayed up till past 2:30 am sewing and made a really cute diaper (first time) and tie-dyed a onesie and i felt soooo good having time to myself..

dh was really good too, he went to her while i was sewing..tried comforting her back to sleep but i knew it was time to nurse anyway so i went up nursed her and went back to my sewing..and this morning too, he woke up with her while i got a little bit more sleep and now is giving her a bath while i relax on the computer...

then i start thinking about monday and start feeling overwhelmed again...:

I *know* having extra help with her or around the house would help me IMMENSELY and i guess dh didnt really 'hear' me till my breakdown a couple days ago...I decluttered most of the house a couple months ago but it just seems to creep back and be worse than ever and the mess just increases my stress level...

thanks for all ur really does make a difference when you know others have experienced the same..
GoodWillHunter's Avatar GoodWillHunter 06:06 PM 02-14-2004

I've BTDT with my first child. It was tough. I finally gave in and actually hospitalized myself. It made all the difference. I realize that may not be the course of action for you. For me, it was a matter of getting some people's attention drawn to what was REALLY going on. I've been on meds now for 8.5 years and it has worked like a charm. That doesn't mean you will be on meds for that long, for me, it had to do with other things. However,


Remember, you have gone through a major life changing experience. Going from no children to one is a huge huge change. Don't let anyone tell you different. Going from one child to two is also a huge change. After that, the rest is gravy. It does get easier. I promise. Really. I understand about the clutter issue. It bugs me, too. Right now, it's our garage, but that's another story and another thread!!!!

Hang in there, get the help you deserve and need, and don't forget that you are capable of handling this... Not necessarily alone, but who deemed it so that we all do things alone? No one.

If anything, I'm right there with you. One step at a time. One minute at a time. One hour, one day, one week, one month.

You're doing the toughest job in the world, cut yourself a bit o' slack and take a bubble bath every day.... DH is capable. He seems like a supportive guy. Utilize all your resources. That's what they are there for.
Jish's Avatar Jish 11:36 PM 02-14-2004
Well, Jish was right...the good days have been fooling me for months
They fooled me too. What happened to me also was that I would be at my absolute worst in the morning. I would be a wreck. Then by the time the afternoon rolled around (and my dh got home) I could function a little bit better and would think, "well, maybe I am okay" and I would feel silly for how I had felt earlier. When I was admitted to the hospital, it was in the evening so I felt pretty silly at that point that my dh had taken me there. I kept thinking, "but I'll seem so normal now, they won't know how bad I was this morning." I told the ER doctor that and he told me that it is very common with depression for it to be at it's worst in the morning and to ease up a bit in the evening. Talk about an "ah ha" moment.

The thing that I realized after the fact when I was on meds and felt better, is that I had no idea just how bad I had gotten. What I thought were "good days" weren't even close to the good days that I had when I was healthy. They were just good in comparison to the bad days at the time.

I hope you are able to talk to your doctor on Monday. Let us know how things go.
Bladestar5's Avatar Bladestar5 11:47 PM 02-14-2004
I just wanted to give you support in this. You aren't alone. I found out Abigail had an ear infection, and had 1or 2 more when she was a few months old. If she is struggling to nurse, see if she is having a stuffy nose problem. I had the same problem with Abigail fussing.
As far as the housework goes, I just let mine go. It is the ONLY way I could cope. As long as you have clean clothes and dishes, you are fine. Let your dh help with the housework.
I could have written your post when the baby was new. Both mine were like that.
Where abouts are you? I wish I could help you. Take care
Softmama's Avatar Softmama 08:59 PM 02-16-2004
neveryoumindthere, how did today go?
neveryoumindthere's Avatar neveryoumindthere 09:27 PM 02-16-2004
today was not bad...

I sooo did not want to wake up that early (around 8:30 am)and was trying to get her to nurse back to sleep but she wouldnt..
she napped for one hour around 10am, and for another 15 min later on in the day..

my head hurts

i called the dr. but she's not accepting patients even though i've seen her b4..but when i saw her it was at this center she works at..anyway iwas able to get an appt with her first week of march..i'm gonna keep trying to see if she'll take dd and i as "patients" at her practice

thanks for checking up on me

gtg pray....

thanks again
gilnikche's Avatar gilnikche 04:34 PM 02-17-2004
Did you emphasize just how badly you need to be seen?

Please see if they can refer you to someone that can see you right away.

Can you tell me what state you are in? I can help you find help nearby (or someone you can speak to by phone).
EllasMama's Avatar EllasMama 11:15 PM 02-17-2004
neveryoumindthere, I relate to what you are saying. So many times I have thought, "Why couldn't I get the easy baby?!" Of course, that's followed by horrible guilt since I shouldn't be wishing my child were anything but herself, right?

As everyone else has said, you are not a failure.

You are not alone.

You are not missing a mothering gene that everyone else got (I used to think this).

You are just WAY over the limit of what you can handle right now.

I have been there and done that, for example the staying up till 2:30 a.m. just to have time to yourself (and of course feeling like crap and being short-tempered the next day b/c you're so exhausted). That tells you right there how STARVED you are for the time to yourself, which is something that we all need, but especially introverted people. (Introvert not as in being antisocial, it just means those people who derive their strength and composure for a little time alone to regroup.)

It's great that you're seeking help. Keep at it. Find someone who will see you, ask around your area or look on the internet for therapists who know a lot about PPD issues and are family-friendly (my therapist supports AP and will let you bring your child if you have no one to watch them or don't want to be apart).

Don't be afraid to ask for help from friends and family. You'll be surprised by how willing some people will be to help if you explain what a hard time you're having! If you have a very close friend nearby, explain what's going on and ask if she can help you arrange for help from other friends. Try to be concrete if you can, for example, "I just really can't take it anymore. Could you do me a huge favor and watch the baby for an hour on Wednesday afternoon so I can go to the bookstore by myself?" Or "I'm so depressed I can't keep up with the housework, can you please bring me some leftovers one day this week so I'll have something to eat without having to make dinner?" If you are close to your mom and she can come help, definitely beg her to do so, even if she has to fly in!

Attachment Parenting can create a real problem for some moms, like me. I thought I was failing if I needed time alone. After all, GOOD moms never spend a moment away. GOOD moms nurse on demand and wake at any hour until the child is 18. GOOD moms don't need to pee, or sleep, or eat, or breathe if the child has other desires. Well guess what? GOOD MOMS TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES SO THEY CAN FUNCTION AND BE ABLE TO MOTHER THEIR CHILDREN!!

Maybe you'll need tons of vitamins and therapy. Maybe you'll need antidepressants. Maybe you'll need a housekeeper and a babysitter to come on occasion. Maybe your child will go to daycare or preschool though you imagined you'd be the ultimate homeschooler. I've needed to make all these changes in order to feel better, and it has been well worth it because I'm not miserable anymore.

I'm not the mother I thought I'd be. But now I realize that NO ONE could possibly have lived up to that standard anyway, and my daughter deserves a sane and healthy mom.

I am so sorry some days are so rough. Hang in there. When things are hell, remind yourself that not every day is so bad. You are worth treating yourself better, so keep doing that. Oh, and I also highly recommend a book called "Mother Nurture" that you can order from Amazon. It'll really help you find concrete ways to deal with the physical and emotional depletion that occurs in new moms.

Warm wishes,

~ally~'s Avatar ~ally~ 04:20 AM 02-19-2004
I thought I was reading my own sotry when I read yours! You are not alone. I am in the midst of getting help, and it is worth it. But it is still hard - every day is a struggle.

Take care, my dear.
DanAbimy2miracles's Avatar DanAbimy2miracles 01:55 AM 02-21-2004
I don't get to post much here, my DH works nights and neither of my babies are sleeping through regularly yet. But I want to tell you, as many others have already said, that you are not alone and pleeeeeease do not delay getting help. Really - I did not get any help, I did not realize until after the fact how bad it was or what was really wrong with me. I just thought I was a bad mom, and my daughter especially suffered for it. I swore never to cIO, yet there were maybe 10 or 12 nights when I had to put her down and walk away b/c I couldn't take it any more and had had thoughts if hurting her. It shames me to say it, but that's how bad it was. I just thank God that something kept me from doing it. My son (I have twins) was not as bad at night, although he would cry/scream, too, but my DD was inconsolable. That was the hardest part - nothing I did, which usually ended up being yelling on bad nights, helped. All the singing, rocking, etc. in the world didn't help, and since I couldn't bf past 6 months (zero supply despit everything I tried) that was out. It turns out she had acid reflux, which was not diagnosed until she was 8 months old. My PPD did not peak until she was 6-7 months old, so her diagnosis and putting her on Zanac came at a crucial time. Once she was sleeping better, I did better.

Anyway, get help as soon as you can. The anger and frustration can build up and burst at a moment's notice.
Leonor's Avatar Leonor 06:49 PM 02-22-2004

I had the same problem. My baby cried and cried and I couldn't stand it.

I've found out he didn't like to be at home! One time when my baby cried like that, I put him on the sling and walked very fast down the street. He fell asleep almost instantly! So from that time on I would spend afternoons out of the house, because if I stayed in, he would just cry and cry, and if I went out, he would sleep and sleep!

Try this, get out of the house with your baby on the sling and get a big coat that protects you both. Take a book with you so you have something to do when he falls asleep.
sacredplay's Avatar sacredplay 08:09 PM 02-22-2004
like the other mamas here, my heart and prayers go out to you.

Please do get yourself and dd checked. (ie. for her to make sure she doesn't have an ear or throat infection, or that she is not allergic to something in her diet.)

They are so extremely sensitive and FEEL us and all that's going on for us, some often it's like we are one, and they are just mirroring back to us what is UP, iykwim?

Is she teething? I know my ds has just gone through a period of at least 8 weeks (he's just cut 4 top teeth) and it has been extremely challenging. Not crying like your little one, but needing to be held and comforted almost constantly, at least it has seemed.

Like you i feel i've suffered ppd with both my ds. With my first I did go and talk with a counselor for a couple months (at about the 4th -5th month_ and that did help considerably, just to have an ear to listen. For me not having the kind of emotional support from dp that i so need, really exacerbates the down feeling.)

I have also been able to recognize that for me a big issue is being able to acknoweldge my own needs and to be able to ASK. I am still in the place of learning how to do this. On some level I just expect that people should know how much I am struggling and that I need help. I do not know if this is true for you or not, but it seems that many of us moms feel like we are just supposed to be able to DO IT ALL, and then when we can't we just self-implode. It really SUCKS, and is a vicious downward spiral. Reach out to those that you are closest to to talk to about what you are going through. Journaling, even if you just find 5 minutes or so could also be a good outlet, or even coming here like you have been. KEEP REACHING OUT> STAY CONNECTED> and LET OTHERS KNOW WHERE YOU ARE AT, ok dear sweet ONE.

You ARE a PRECIOUS mama.
Focus on one breath, one moment at a time.
Find a health/healing professional who can talk to and

Something that has been helping me lately is that I will break things down into tiny babysteps. For example, if everything is feeling totally chaotic, simply focus either on the thing that seems like it is weighing on you the most and work at it for 1, 3, 5 or 7 minutes. (setting a timer is one way that I do it, or sometimes, like if the kitchen is a mess or the house feels out of control, I will say that my number for the moment is going to be 7 and i will simply pick up and put away 7 things. Then this usually inspires to do maybe another 7 or another 7, but even if not, just do one little thing that helps to move you in the direction of feeling just a tad bit less chaotic. (using the flylady reminders to whatever degree I can at any point in time has also made a good difference for me...check her out at <>

Breathing (consiously and counting in out can and will help) or focusing on a powerful or positive word, phrase, prayer, or picture can also be very helpful. Or even just sitting and letting yourself allow yourself to feel your feet when you are sitting it a chair. Finding those things that can help you to reconnect with your own body and life force.

Have you considered getting massage?

I wonder how your diet is? I know for me that in the midst of my process of trying to come to some level of balance, that I am learning that I have probably been protein deprived for sometime. I've been vegetarian and think that since getting pregnant and nuring now for going on 5 years straight, that the body does have real needs to do it's work and to keep on producing the milk, so, it's important for us to find the foods that can help to build us up and keep us strong (whether we are nursing or not, the job of mothering requires incredible energy, both physically and emotionally.)

Are you or do you tend to be a junk fooder, coffee drinker, sugar/chocolate-aholic or carb addict? These things seem to "keep us going" in the moment for quick energy, or relief, but in the long run wreak havoc with our bio-chemical system. Another online group that has been beneficial for me over these last few months has been They deal with food, mainly sugar addiction, she has written a few books; ("Potatoes Not Prozac", "The Sugar Addicts Total Recovery Program" and "Your Last Diet", all by Kathleen DesMaisons.) Her work has been a real eye opener for me and is slowly making a difference in my life. You can read more about the work she has done on her radian recovery website i listed above.

I know this has been long. I hope that you are feeling like you are heading in the right direction. I look forward to hearing how your journey unfolds.

Much love to you.
Tani's Avatar Tani 07:48 PM 03-02-2004
Everyone here has said what I was going to say, eloquently and with tons of good resources and links and info for you. All I can do is echo them. The fact that you had the guts to post what your original post was speaks volumes to me about your innate strength and your real love for your dd. I have been there/done that TWICE, with both my daughters.

I agree with whoever said, let whatever health care practitioner you speak to know just how urgent your need is. I know that when I would reach out to a professional for help, I'd have this neurotic need to sound calm and pulled together while talking to them and end up minimizing stuff when I tried to explain it to them. I had to step back and realize, this is their job, I am not here to impress them, and they will only help me as much as I let them.

(((((HUGS)))))) to you; wish I could come by and clean your house or drop off a meal. Please keep posting.
Foobar's Avatar Foobar 02:08 PM 03-04-2004
I am sorry I didn't see this until today.

You are NOT a failure!!!!

I get this way sometimes. I got help at 3 months post partum and did better. Then I got off the meds. Felt great! Then I got pregnant again and had a reoccurance... I started crying every night asking, "I used to enjoy being a mom! Why do I hate it now??" I am now back on the meds and doing great.

PPD is often caused by a chemical imbalence that is created by pregnancy. Nursing can help maintain the imbalence although you should not have to stop nursing because of PPD.
You may want to work with some natural remedies or pharmaculical (spelling?) to help regain this balence.

Sending you hugs. I could hear myself in your post
neveryoumindthere's Avatar neveryoumindthere 05:07 PM 03-04-2004
sorry havent written in a while..typing is not fun one-handed (nak now too by the way)

well..things have gotten a little better..the past week or so she slept better since i put up a dark blanket over the window to block out light (she was getting up literally with the sun and VERY cranky)

i 'hired' one of my sisters to come evry mondy to play/watch dd while i get time alone (an hour) and my other sister is tues/thurs for an hour i'm at my parents all day so thats a 'break' and fri/sat/sun dh is i got the whole week covered...

still...i get frustrated easily the times shes so cranky but with her actually napping 1-2 times a day even if its short she really has changed for the better...which means not so many frustrating times...

i had dh read this thread a couple weeks ago and he's been more hlpful since..taking her at night to get her relaxed enough to nurse to sleep, taking her for short periods of time so i can do my sewing (which i'm teaching myself and is pleasantly and surprisingly very relaxing)...

i still have my dr's appt on the 10th..feeling like i dont need it but still will go to talk since shes a great dr...

i want to thank you all soo much for all ur support..i havent told anyone except a couple ppl irl whats going on with me and even then they dont really understand so you ladies have really been my sole support besdies dh...

sothank you..its cathartic to read of your struggles and experiences and really lifts the feeling of the isolation of ppd ...
lilmiss'mama's Avatar lilmiss'mama 06:46 PM 03-04-2004
I am glad you are feeling better! What a great idea to have your sisters come over. I bet they love hanging out with their niece! A supportive dh makes a big difference too. I hope things continue to improve for you.
tatterhood's Avatar tatterhood 11:54 PM 03-04-2004
PPD is a serious problem. I am a mom of a now 16 year old. I went through the struggle you are having and didn't really get any help. I only survived through my husband & some self help things. I finally went to a homeopath years later and really got some support for working through this issue.

I wanted to tell you that while you are having a frantic episode..feeling like you just can't do this, make it, want to give up, don't know where to turn....take the Bach Flower Remedy Rescue Remedy. It will help you get through the initial crisis until you can call someone.

You need support. I would recommend calling your health care provider. Hopefully they would be willing to look at holistic modalities with you as well as evaluate how you are doing. I would heartily recommend talking with someone that can relate to your issue as well. Going to a practitioner that writes this problem off as "all in your head" is no help! Can you go to a La leche League meeting, talk to a nurse practitioner in your area that has contacts, talk to midwives, connect with a doula.

I am now teaching my daughter to drive...I survived... and I can tell you that you will get through this! I can also tell you that the seriousness of going through such a PPD/Experience influenced my desire to have any more children. It was okay with me and wound up being the best choice for me.

Again, I really recommend the Bach Flower Remedies for getting through emotional struggle throughout the day. If you cannot find a practitioner in the area to help you sort through the remedies it is fairly straight forward to look at each remedy and figure out what might help you in a give moment.

Get thee to an understanding, knowledgeable and compassionate practitioner. I wouldn't necessarily just go to any person...I would want that person to have some training and understanding of this very complex state of being.

You have the power to get through this! At your worst moments stop and set the baby/child down somewhere that she is safe. Walk another room if possible. Sit or lay down. Close your eyes...breathe in (I fill myself with light & grace)...breathe out (I am whole). Do this until you gain control and presence of mind.

I hope this helps. You can do this. It will get better. You are a good person and a good mother. Moments pass quickly. Be safe.
mymarliegirl's Avatar mymarliegirl 11:55 PM 03-09-2004
Wow, Never you mind there, I felt like someone had written in about me--our situations are quite similar. We lived in the 3 different states before my daughter was 5 months. We had such trouble nursing, and she still isn't sleeping through the night. Luckily she is a very happy baby, or I might not be well enough to write this. On my recent 6 month post-pardum check the midwife suggested I contact the University where I live because they are doing a PPD study which involves free therapy sessions for the mothers. If you live in a college town you may want to check on this also. Another thing that has been great for us is water! My daughter loves the water, so on a bad day we soak in a warm tub together until we are prunes Another simple little life-saver for me has been a Baby Einstien video. Yes, I know, TV is not recommended for those under two, but I have to tell you that I don't feel guilty about letting her watch it once a day. She loves it and it gives me 20 minutes to wash my face or flip through a magazine or make a sandwich. Just remember you're not alone and you can do this! As spring nears and as you find the support you need through your doctor or midwife or whoever, it will get better!
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