Just a small vent. I wish people around me understood. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 11-12-2009, 02:07 PM - Thread Starter
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So my BF's mom stays with us during the week to babysit Lincoln (we're both in school, and she's cheaper than daycare). She tries to be helpful, really, but she's annoying. She doesn't understand why I'm so unhappy, she just doesn't get it. And she should - my BF went through severe depression as a teenager and was actually in an institution for a period of several months (this happened twice).

The other day she was telling me about her sisters grandaughter (so her great grand niece? although it might be a boy - I really don't know). Apparently this child is special needs, is 3yo, and can't walk, can't talk, isn't potty trained, etc. I've never met this child, or even her mother. I don't know their family at all. Hearing about this child makes me sad, especially the way no one ever has anything positive to say about her (or him - again, I know next to nothing about this child.).

But the other day my MIL was telling that this child is getting a stem cell transplant as their last hope since I guess they've exhausted all other options. I don't mind her telling me about it, but the way she says it is so frustrating! It's like - you have a healthy and happy baby and so you should be happy. My BF responds by saying things like, "yeah, if Lincoln wasn't happy and healthy then we'd really have problems."

Why don't people understand that I AM thankful that Lincoln is perfect? Thankful that he's happy and healthy. I AM - really, truly, I love my son more than anything and I'm so HAPPY that he's perfect.

He IS NOT the reason that I'm depressed!! He is NOT the problem! WHY DON'T PEOPLE UNDERSTAND???? Why do they have to throw in my face that I SHOULD be happy? I KNOW THAT!!

Ok, I'm done venting. Thank you for understanding.
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#2 of 5 Old 11-12-2009, 02:19 PM
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Im sorry, and I commiserate your feelings. It sucks so bad when NO ONE will atleast give you some kind of sympathy for what you are going through.

No one is going to know what it feels like until they have gone through it (PPD) OR they are living inside your head. OR, your inlaws are just unsympathetic people. From what you have posted in the past, I am going to go with the latter.

Hang in there mama, you have a sympathetic ear in me.
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#3 of 5 Old 11-14-2009, 11:10 PM
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Keep talking here. We get it. We'll listen.

As far as the inlaws go, well... She may have had to deal with a hcild with depression issues, but did she ever truly understand that the child couldn't help it? that depression is a disease/condition not a choice? did she ever not blame the child? If not, then she's certainly never going to understand what you're going through.

I think it might help to not hear about the other child so much. Talk to BF and get his take on how to approach this. It might be that he has to say something, or that he'll say you need to. maybe something along the lines of "I feel like you're telling me this b/c... (what you posted above) and I want you to understand that I am happy and very grateful that my child doesn't have problems. I can't help that I'm not happy otherwise right now b/c my brain chemistry isn't cooperating with what I want. It's going to take time to get 100% well again and I need to not hear about this other child for a while b/c it's upsetting to me and making it harder for me to focus on getting better." Hopefully, she can be enough of an adult to not take it personally. Even if she still doesn't get it, she just might quit talking about the other kid.

Good luck, and like I said, keep posting here. we get it.

Stinkerton 12/10/01 9lbs8oz, induced to c/s; Little Man 5/20/03 7lbs11oz, r c/s, fear of another labor; Jillybean 11/18/07 10lbs8oz 37cm head, induced VBA2C; and the Wee Beastie, 9lbs8oz, 35cm head, rpt VBA2C
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#4 of 5 Old 11-16-2009, 09:42 AM
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my DH will say things like this too. He just doesn't understand PPD. It's so hard. He thinks if I were more appreciative of the life around me that it would make things better I guess. No support in this house whatsoever.

Proud *single* mom to 3 amazing kiddos
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#5 of 5 Old 12-02-2009, 11:24 PM
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I can empathize. I had such a horrible time with DS. He was perfectly healthy in every way but he was SO much work. More than just the average newborn. I was exhausted, miserable and hated motherhood, and all that anyone ever had to say to me was "Well, at least he's cute".
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