Frustrated with DH small vent - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 12-02-2009, 11:37 PM - Thread Starter
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We always knew that we didn't want only one child, but after DS was born and I was so miserable, I swore up and down that I never wanted another baby. All through that time, DH would alway say that we'd probably have another at some point in the future.

Now I'm finally in a place where I'm open to expanding our family in the future, so I'm actively looking into preventing or reducing the severity of recurrent PPD. And now DH says the best cure is to not have any more babies. WTH!?

A part of me realizes that he's probably saying that because he's as scared as I am, but it feels like he's playing with my emotions and I really don't appreciate it. AHHH!!!
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#2 of 4 Old 12-03-2009, 12:14 AM
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I understand your frustration as I am in a similar boat, except well, I'm 5 weeks pregnant! Now, DH thinks every time I am just a little over emotional that I am crazy and that obviously I will have PPD again! It's so frustrating. I just keep telling him a simple hug would fix everything in the moment. Men are so frustrating and confusing sometimes..... and he even said "you should never be pregnant again" to which I blurted back with "well, it's a little too late for that!"

I have really began to realize how little men understand when it comes to our emotions ... I understand it can be frustrating and hopefully you two come to an agreement soon!

Kourtney, happily married to my soldier and raising ds 7/08 .... dd 7/10..... and ds 11/11

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#3 of 4 Old 12-03-2009, 04:33 PM
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I can totally understand your frustration. My DH was at that point for different reasons after we'd had two, I had major complications with the 2nd birth, which I'll likely never fully recover from.

I never really stopped wanting a 3rd but eventually I did get to the point where I could see his logic and as my kids moved beyond the baby and toddler stage I did start to feel it would be a huge upheaval to go back to having a baby, I even made an appointment to see my doctor to talk about longer term contraception, possibly even a tubal. However when I went in I lost my nerve and just dealt with some other issues I'd gone in for. It turned out that I was already pregnant at that stage.

We'd been using a diaphragm or condoms, so the most likely failure was the diaphragm. I had good reasons for choosing a diaphragm, I don't do well with hormonal stuff, neither of us like condoms, already had very painful periods, so didn't want an IUD etc. but deep down, when we chose that I was glad that it was less reliable than other methods, though I still tried to observe my fertile signs and avoid that time of the month.

Our DD is 6 months now, we love her to bits, DH understood and accepted the risks of our chosen contraception, but the combination of our emotions through the pregnancy was very hard, he was initally thrilled, whilst I was frightened. I had PPD after our first, but not our 2nd, so I was definitely aware of the possibility as it turned out, I actually became depressed in the pregnancy and have been having a very hard time and not responding well to treatment. Even in the depths of despair, I still think I look back a year from now, or 5 years from now and be thrilled about our oopsy.

You don't say how old your DS is, but you've only just got to the point of wanting another baby, you can't expect your DH to get there at the same time, in 6 months time he may feel very differently. One thing that really influenced us in having a 2nd after PPD with our 1st was me talking about how PPD was something that I didn't expect and that I wanted to move beyond it, that I didn't want it to be something that shaped our lives forever and that we could choose to be fearful and not extend our family or we could step back and see the bigger picture and that 5 or 10 years down the line even a 2nd bout of PPD would be a thing of the past.

Anne, Christian mummy to Nathanael 05/28/03, Ada 06/10/05, Grace 05/24/09
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#4 of 4 Old 12-04-2009, 03:23 PM - Thread Starter
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DS is 19 months old. We wouldn't be TTC until at least another year. I'm in no rush, and DH knows this. I'm not asking him to have another baby right now. What I just don't understand is why after all this time of making hints at #2 he's all of a sudden changed his tune and making hints of no more. It has bee a very emotional and mental process for me to get to the place when I am know, and I feel that by being so contrary he's negating everything I've gone through.

Anyway, the last bit you said is good food for thought. In 5 or 10 years from now, any PPD will be long in the past.
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