You are not alone! After posting this, there are tons of mom praying and supporting you, even if it is long distance!
It was 6 mo PP that I actually started really thinking about PPD/PP anxiety. I would cry and cry to the point of almost throwing up. I didn't want to hold, attend to my baby, I wanted him to STOP CRYING, I hated everything and everyone. It's so scary, and sadly, it's a condition that is not spoke of enough for a mom to feel comfortable bringing it up. I actually understood how some woman could "shake" their babies. I never did, but I felt like I could and that was more scary than anything. What if I did just snap one day? What if I lost it? What would happen? Who would I turn to?
Hubby didn't understand at all. He was too consumed with work to notice as he had a major position change that demanded 70+hrs a week.
We ended up in "marriage counseling" for about 6 months and after talking with our therapist she said that the most common times for a woman to go through what I was going through was at the beginning of puberty, after childbirth, and pre menopausal. Hormones are crazy and they can do INSANE things to your whole body, emotions, and brain. I was on prozac for about 6 mo and that helped. I got a lot out of talking with our therapist, and I made it a point to have me time everyday. Even if it was only a hot bubble bath after baby went to bed. Or a 20 min Yoga during nap time.
It feels like you are alone and no one understands, but people do and they are there. I'd ask your OB or MW about any PPD groups or help they can recommend. Or google your area and PPD. It's out there.
Much Love your way!