How/when were you able to admit to PPD? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 12-18-2009, 07:25 PM - Thread Starter
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For the past five months I've felt like I've been battling some form of PPD. We moved to a new state when DD was one month old and I had to give up my job and unexpectedly become a fulltime SAHM. (I had plans to go back to work 3days a week which I was really excited about-DD would have been with me and it would truly have been a perfect set up)

I know the move and giving up my job haven't helped my feeling so alone and helpless.

I am wondering how you get the courage to admit you need help? I feel like I drop hints, but I am SO afraid of admitting this. I feel so shameful, for so many reasons. I can't convince myself that they won't take DD away from me. I can't see how my friends or family would ever understand or even be able to look at me without thinking what a horrible mother I am. I am afraid I would never be able to get a job again (I worked with children) Even writing this here scares me.

My DH is wonderful, but when I tried to bring it up I just wind up feeling guilty. My best friend had a baby just weeks before I did and he actually said he didn't understand how I could be overwhelmed when she seemed to "have it all under control" Well, she didn't move her babies first month of life, she's formula feeding and her baby is in daycare 50 hours a week. I have no help, husband works 50+hours a week and BFing is a whole other issue I feel is fueling to my depression.

My baby is so good. SO GOOD. I feel like she deserves so, so much more than me.
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#2 of 8 Old 12-18-2009, 10:49 PM
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yebos9, I have been battling ppd for the last 10 months. I didn't seek help until I had a panic attack that lasted an entire day and I was pretty much nonfunctioning - having to depend entirely on my dh to take care of the children except when our babe had to be breastfed. I remember having a very strong fear that when I went to get help, someone would take my children away from me. I have a wonderful therapist and actually called her before the appointment with a nurse pracitioner to tell her I was scared that my children would be taken away. Seeking help does not mean that your children will be taken away. Seeking help does not mean that your children will be taken away. Seeking help does not mean that your children will be taken away. Say that to yourself how many ever times you need to to make it stick. Fears like this are very common for women with ppd. I also remember feeling like my children deserved so much more than what I could give them. I remember that feeling - notice I said that I remember it? You will get through this period in your life. But if you think you need help, then you need help. DH needs to realize that women's bodies are different. Your chemistry is different than you friend's chemistry. You are raising a young child in a lonely situation, a situation that you didn't think you would be in.
PPD is an illness, and it's one you can heal from. I would reconsider not breastfeeding though. It will take you on yet another hormonal roller coaster that could possibly make the ppd worse. Research it though and make sure you make the best decision for you. By seeking help for yourself, you are taking care of your children

Leslie, open-hearted mama to 3.5 yr old dd and almost 1 yr ds
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#3 of 8 Old 12-19-2009, 07:51 PM
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You've been through a lot of major changes in a short amount of time. And having no help would be so difficult.

It took me 8 months to get help. I also was so afraid that they would take my baby away. DS was such an easy baby...I didn't understand why I couldn't handle being a Mom. I felt so guilty. I even questioned my marriage and felt like I was going crazy.

My Mom said I should "snap out of it" and just make myself do stuff.

My doctor told me flat out that I didn't have PPD. So I went to the Naturopath, but that didn't help. I was finally so desperate that I got DH to drive me to the Mental Health Unit so I could talk to a postpartum consellor. It was the scariest thing I've ever done, but the best thing I could do. The counsellor listened to me and helped me through a really tough time.

Now at 14 months ppd, I feel much better. I also had postpartum thyroiditis which goes hand in hand with ppd. Once that cleared up, I felt a veil lifted on my depression.

You're courageous to come here and share your feelings with us. Please know that you're not alone, and there is no shame in telling someone you need help.

belly.gifMama to a Little Scientist (09/08) and our Ray of Sunshine (05/11).
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#4 of 8 Old 12-19-2009, 09:00 PM
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The sooner you get help the sooner you will feel better and the easier it will be for you to start feeling better. My advice is don't wait. I too was in denial that anything was wrong until I actually had a couple of panic attacks that were terrifying when my first son was 6 months old. But it would have been so much better to start some sort of treatment sooner and not have gotten to that point. At that time it didn't seem possible that I would ever really feel like myself again, but my son is two and nine months now and I have a daughter who is ten months old and I feel so peaceful (besides the chaos of the two little ones) and content, the time that I felt bad seems almost blurry and a distant memory now, so I just came on here hoping to give some support to someone in that place and assure them that you can and will feel good again. But please, don't wait, talk to your dr. or a counselor. Its a tough thing to admit to, but you will feel better. Hang in there.

Blissful mama to DS 3/07 and DD 2/09, and loving partner to their wonderful dad
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#5 of 8 Old 12-26-2009, 11:50 PM
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Please don't wait. I didn't get help until DS was 6 months old, and that was only because it was so bad that I was taking it out on everyone around me. So my friends finally suggested strongly that I needed to talk to my doctor.

PPD doesn't define you. It doesn't make you a bad person, or a bad mother. It doesn't mean that you are unfit to care for your child or any other children. The fact that you are concerned shows that you are a VERY good mother.

Please, do what you need to do to get help. I found it very difficult to talk about ppd with anyone. I would always wimp out. It was much easier for me to put those kinds of things down in writing. So if you have a difficult time talking to your DH about it, perhaps you could write him a letter or an email, explaining your feelings.
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#6 of 8 Old 01-16-2010, 07:08 PM
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I have to say that after my daughter was born I was in bad shape, but never admitted it. Then I unexpectedly got pregnant with DS... I think I went into a black hole for a good portion of the pregnancy. Finally, when ds was NINE months old I admitted my depression to myself! I went to a family practice doctor because I was too ashamed to even admit it to my midwife colleagues! She started me on Zoloft, and I have been on it now for about 6 months. I am a new person... well not really a new person, but my old self again. Looking back I have no regrets, but if I had known that the meds would bring me back from a dark place I would have done it sooner.
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#7 of 8 Old 01-16-2010, 07:29 PM
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You are not alone! After posting this, there are tons of mom praying and supporting you, even if it is long distance!

It was 6 mo PP that I actually started really thinking about PPD/PP anxiety. I would cry and cry to the point of almost throwing up. I didn't want to hold, attend to my baby, I wanted him to STOP CRYING, I hated everything and everyone. It's so scary, and sadly, it's a condition that is not spoke of enough for a mom to feel comfortable bringing it up. I actually understood how some woman could "shake" their babies. I never did, but I felt like I could and that was more scary than anything. What if I did just snap one day? What if I lost it? What would happen? Who would I turn to?

Hubby didn't understand at all. He was too consumed with work to notice as he had a major position change that demanded 70+hrs a week.

We ended up in "marriage counseling" for about 6 months and after talking with our therapist she said that the most common times for a woman to go through what I was going through was at the beginning of puberty, after childbirth, and pre menopausal. Hormones are crazy and they can do INSANE things to your whole body, emotions, and brain. I was on prozac for about 6 mo and that helped. I got a lot out of talking with our therapist, and I made it a point to have me time everyday. Even if it was only a hot bubble bath after baby went to bed. Or a 20 min Yoga during nap time.

It feels like you are alone and no one understands, but people do and they are there. I'd ask your OB or MW about any PPD groups or help they can recommend. Or google your area and PPD. It's out there.

Much Love your way!
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#8 of 8 Old 01-16-2010, 08:14 PM
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It was 8 months the first time, 4 months the second time, less than three months the third.
With the upcoming baby I'm getting help as soon as start feeling I need it. No toughing it out. It just isn't worth it.

Karen, homeschooling Catholic mom to 8. #9 due 6/10
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