if i look for help could they take my baby away? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 15 Old 01-09-2010, 09:57 PM - Thread Starter
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im very up and down. i have been for at least 10 years but its only recently that im starting to feel like i might need "help". i dont know whats wrong with me, if its something i need therapy or drugs or just advice....

i feel like i would like to try and seek help, but i dont know where to start, or what to say. im VERY worried if i say anything at all they could take my baby away (toddler really...)

so if i go to the DR and say i want to see someone for feeling depressed, can she involve CPS? What should i say to get help and not CPS? I would NEVER do anything to my child, its not like that, its more about me, my life, my path...my family

i feel up and then way down. i cant make decisions. i worry no end. i cant keep friends because i cancel seeing them when they want to see me (i dont even know why most of the time). ive never been able to hold down a job (although im now a SAHM). i get very stressed about everything, overwhelms me. i couldnt finish college due to being lonely, stressed, unhappy. I just feel not normal.

can i say that to the DR ? should i lie and say i dont have kids? help.
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#2 of 15 Old 01-09-2010, 11:09 PM
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#3 of 15 Old 01-10-2010, 10:28 AM
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Definitely get help. Call a hotline, talk to someone, go to the Dr and get some help. It's a tough situation to be in, but there is help out there for you.

Don't lie. Don't lie about anything. That could make big problems.

Woman. Mother. Activist.
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#4 of 15 Old 01-10-2010, 11:06 AM
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See a therapist. Depression is NOT a reason to take kids away. You need help to be a functioning person. It's nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. Please go and take care of yourself.

Mom to two beautiful boys, now in school to be a therapist and help other women with PPD.  

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#5 of 15 Old 01-10-2010, 11:15 AM
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Originally Posted by GoestoShow View Post
You need help.

You should tell your doctor you need help.

That you recognize you need help, that you tell your doctor you need help, will be avenue for you to begin healing. Unless you are an immediate or imminent threat to your children, they will not be taken away from you.

Depression is, sadly, very common, but not a reason in of itself for children to be taken away. Ever.

Not doing anything is likely more of a cause for CPS involvement than describing symptoms to a doctor. If your symptoms are severe (hallucinations, voices, desire to harm yourself or child(ren)) then you need to get help immediately. None of those, by the way, are grounds for having your kids taken, either. The most important thing is that you take care of yourself so that you CAN take care of your kids.
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#6 of 15 Old 01-10-2010, 01:08 PM
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Nothing in your post should make a doctor or therapist think CPS. I'm a mental health professional, and I know.

Alexandra 4.11.05 and Colin 2.9.09. Click on my name to visit my homeschooling blog.
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#7 of 15 Old 01-10-2010, 05:54 PM
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I think you should get a therapist, and if you can, a nutritional therapist. SO MUCH "not right" can be dissolved w/ vitamins. Really. Vitamin D, inositol (a B vitamin) calcium/magnesium citrate, 5Htp, Gaba. If you've felt this way a long time, you could easily have adrenal gland exhaustion. The book The Mood Cure by Julia Ross is huge in helping to assess yourself and figure out if vitamin deficiencies (extremely common) are *part* of your problem. And a therapist could help with whatever is left. I don't think a mainstream, regular doc knows beans about nutrition. These therapies have proven more effective than anti-depressants, and unlike anti-depressants, they can fix the problem. I have posted so many times about this book b/c it was tremendously helpful to me...even more so than counseling.

I wish you the best. And don't beat yourself up for worrying about CPS. That is definitely a valid fear, and no one can gaurantee what a doctor will do, b/c it's up to her/him! Any complaint to CPS MUST be investigated, and it's not as though children are never wrongly taken. I am not trying to exaggerate your fears, but I think you should not dismiss your instinct when it comes to protecting your child.
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#8 of 15 Old 01-10-2010, 05:58 PM
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Originally Posted by GoestoShow View Post
You need help.

That you recognize you need help, that you tell your doctor you need help, will be avenue for you to begin healing. Unless you are an immediate or imminent threat to your children, they will not be taken away from you.

Depression is, sadly, very common, but not a reason in of itself for children to be taken away. Ever.
GTS: I don't think you can make this kind of claim: that going to a doctor will be an avenue to begin healing. It could be an avenue of exacerbation; how would you or I know? The fact that most doctors will handle this problem in a mainstream-medical way when it deserves so much better than that to me makes it a road I wouldn't blindly recommend.

And even if depression is NOT a reason for children to be taken away, it doesn't mean it has never happened.
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#9 of 15 Old 01-10-2010, 06:10 PM
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my first question is do you have to see your primary to get a referral to see someone? IMO, primary doctors are not the ones who should be dx you or treating you if depression is trully what you have. A qualified mental health professional should do that. Honestly they are more likely (primary) to just hand you a script for meds and be on your "happy" way. In reality mental health issues do require some level of "therapy" for them to be effective and to find out what the cause is, underlying chemical imbalance,stress....whatever it may be.

If you normally require a referral from your HCP (say for insurance) you might want to look into the requirements specifically for mental health. Many providers have self referral or a sort of "crisis coverage" in which they allow you to seek help for x amt of appointments before needing a referral.

Are there hcp that have called CPS on those seeking help. Im betting yes, but I think some of it has to be how you approach the situation. For instance if you say your looking for someone to help you deal with stress than yeah your probably not sending out red flags sort of speak. However if you say im desperate and lost and there may be a question of if your capable of caring for your child or doing harm to yourself than yeah you might get CPS on your doorstep. Thats just my opionion as a nurse and foster parent.
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#10 of 15 Old 01-10-2010, 06:15 PM
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I have been to 2 different doctors since having children. My symptoms sound a lot like yours. I second the recommendation for looking at a nutritional angle. I went that route because I wanted to avoid medication, and am much more stable. But don't let fear of CPS keep you from a doctor. As long as you are not suicidal or homicidal, the doc would rather just focus on treating you. And in my limited experience, if you are dangerous, they are more likely to admit you. FWIW, I have a good friends whose "issues" are a lot worse than mine (and probably yours). She's been to a dozen different therapists, and her 2 little boys are at home and just fine.

Mom of 4 aspiring midwife "Friend"ly seeker
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#11 of 15 Old 01-11-2010, 12:29 PM
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Originally Posted by mlec View Post
And even if depression is NOT a reason for children to be taken away, it doesn't mean it has never happened.
I'm in a situation relating to this involving CPS/DYFS whatever you want to call them. My daughter has not been removed from my custody, but I was placed on 24 hour supervision until my "mental health" is stable. I was investigated two times, because I asked for a new case worker. The process started all over again, and both times, my case was unfounded and accusations were false. It was stable BEFORE they got involved, 2 hours after my c section dyfs was called because of a hospital psychiatrist (who I never saw before and who I do not remember talking to after labor).

My suggestion, especially after everything I have been through is, to talk to a Dr who you can trust. Who will listen to your concerns, and not jump to stupid conclusions. My understanding my state (nj) is one of the worst for calling cps on people. Too many babies dying and lawsuits for dyfs not doing their jobs, has made, Drs, teachers, everyone paranoid and they call dyfs over everything and anything.

Good luck

Jenn, single, wahm, to Kayla Rayne born 8-18-09 and Gunnar James who was born sleeping @ 39 weeks 1/12/2011
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#12 of 15 Old 01-12-2010, 12:59 AM
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I've had severe post partum depression, been assessed in the ER multiple times, took part in an outpatient hospital program, didn't respond to several meds etc. (I'm trying to indicate that it really was BAD, not just my perception of it)

To my knowledge CPS has been called twice, and those two times have been mandatory reporting situations, if you are taken to the ER and refuse admission but the social worker thinks you need forced admission, they have to call MHPs and regardless of what they say, the fact they need to be involved is a mandatory reporting situation.

First time CPS didn't even investigate, 2nd time, we had a temporary safety plan where I couldn't be left alone with the children (I was so unwell, that was actually a good thing), which was lifted when they spoke to my doctor and counsellor. I got a letter afterwards that says what they do with records, I think they keep a record, but it can't be accessed by anyone doing a check on you, only by them, if another case is opened.

If you have a crisis and there isn't anyone treating you, then there is more chance of a bad outcome because you aren't demonstrating that you are actually getting help.

Anne, Christian mummy to Nathanael 05/28/03, Ada 06/10/05, Grace 05/24/09
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#13 of 15 Old 06-04-2012, 06:14 PM
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I've been through this and I'm going to be brutally honest. YES - they will take your baby away if you report you are having hurtful feelings toward the child. They are there for the child NOT THE MOTHER NOR THE FAMILY. They will also go to court and testify against you should you have a custody case come up and the child's father divorces you or try to gain custody. I'm sure people here mean well,. If you go to a mental hospital - everything you say to doctors and intake counselors will be used to contact CPS to start the cycle where investigators will seperate you from your child.


Anyone who hears you want to harm your child must report it. It's the law.And they WILL separate you from your baby and may even try to take custody. They will scare you and it will be the single most awful experience of your life no matter how compliant you are or that you were just trying to get help. They don't care about you.  


Call your mom and have her come stay with you - a best friend and get your thyroid checked - your T3 and T4


Turns out most postpartum issues are related to thyroid problems or regulation. Also, you can always go see a counselor about 'obssesive thoughts.'  


You will be okay.


It gets better. I promise. I know.


Good luck.

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#14 of 15 Old 06-05-2012, 06:39 PM
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Absolutely talk to someone!  Go see a therapist or get a referral for one.  Find someone you feel comfortable with and can get the help that you are seeking.  I am a psychologist and I'd never call CPS if a person came in telling me exactly what you said.  Not even close. In fact, I've called CPS in cases where kids are telling me that their parents verbally abuse them, drive drunk with them, don't provide meals for them during visits with them and CPS tells me "we deal with kids being thrown out their windows.  This isn't going to go anywhere."  It probably varies state by state but here (in PA) CPS doesn't take kids away enough, not the other way around.  I see moms with pretty serious depression, bipolar, etc. and none of them have had CPS called on there because there is no  abuse. Even if someone told me they had thoughts of hurting their kids, I could not call CPS with only "thoughts."  I'd need to monitor it and come up with a safety plan and likely talk to family members to help, but thoughts aren't abuse and I would not be able to break confidentiality to report to CPS (or, even if I really did think there was a concern and I was making a report "in good faith"), I'd report it and they'd do nothing.  So, definitely don't let that fear stop you from getting the help you need.  I hope you are able to find someone you are comfortable working with and can help you figure out some of these struggles you've been experiencing. Good luck!  

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#15 of 15 Old 06-07-2012, 04:36 AM
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MudDigger85 I removed your post because it gives some very graphic details of child abuse that can be triggering for some people. I think it would be better for you to share the general ideas of your experiences rather than graphic and specific details of what you did, to help BaaBaa make a decision for herself and get the help she needs. smile.gif

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