My situation sounds somewhat similar to yours. I can really empathize with you, but I try to tell myself that I know I am really trying my best to be a good mom and that's what's really important. I just realized i was not being the best mom I could be, and I was getting irritated so easily and was afraid my depression would affect my son. I experienced a severe case of PPD right after DS was born, but didn't really do anything about it. I already had risk factors going in (history of some depression/anxiety, thryoid problems, 1st child after age 30), and add on top of that a tramautic birth and unplanned c-section (which luckily turned out OK), a naturally not-good sleeper, and bf'ing not going well (poor weight gain)...I too decided to exclusively pump because I was so anxious each time he latched on and worried about his weight. I thought PPD was getting better and my OB wanted me to start counseling. Went to a lady, didn't really click with her, and I thought it was getting better. Here I am almost 6 months later, and I realize it's not and it's affecting everything I do. I finally did 2 things: made an appt. w/my regular doc, who gave me a prescription for Lexapro, and have an appt. with a pscyhologist who specializes in PPD. I found the psych. on postpartum.net, if that helps.