Thank you so much for your honesty!
Originally Posted by ithappened
I have these 'freak outs' where I think, and out of nowhere usually, how my life is over, and how I am stuck now because I got married, moved to another country, and had a baby. I sort of panic and feel like a deer in headlights.
I feel like I just shot my career in the foot, its hemorrhaging and I am just slowly watching it die and there is nothing I can do to bring it back to life.. .. . and I am never going to have a life again with any purpose..., I am going to be 'stuck' because I had a baby and I got married and now I am this track of 'normalcy' and next thing I know I am going to be 60, boring, and have never done anything with my life but be a boob and a diaper washer. I seriously consider wanting to run away from everything--.... and then I wake up and the next day feel fine.
I am really feeling panicked some days and I suppose it doesn't help that we have zero support/help here.. it just makes it all the more overwhelming and scary.
Sorry this is all really embarrassing to write out and admit.. but I have to ask somehow
I swear that when I was reading your post it sounded so much like my life and feelings right now!
a bit embarassing to write these things but I know for me it is so helpful to vent and share what I am feeling. It's so good to know that I am not the only one. Of course I wouldn't want anyone to suffer like this, but still it helps to know I am not alone. It can be so
lonely and isolating. So many mamas are so happy and seem to have it all together. Although, I know that in our society shareing your views about the difficulties of motherhood is not very well tolerated thus many mothers and fathers remain quiet. For how can one admit that even though you love your little one, sometimes you just don't like them and all that comes with the responsibility of being a parent.
I have been going through a pretty bad case of PPD for the last 8 months. I must admit that this has been the hardest and most demanding thing I have ever done. The depression only makes things that much more difficult. I think I really know what it feels like to be pretty close to loosing your mind.
I knew it'd be hard and demanding and quite the sacrifice. But I find that I am so overhwlemed. I too, often wonder if having a baby wasn't a mistake, as it is so hard for me. Why does it feel like such a tremendous sacrifice? Will I ever be me
, again? At least somewhat. I too agree with you about feeling that now I am on this track of 'normalcy' and my life is forever changed in drastic ways that leave me wondering why I ever wanted a child.
On a positive note; I have an amazing husband who has been extremelly supportive and loves our daughter so much that he never minds spending some extra time with her when I need time alone. As I really need it.
In the meantime I keep telling my dd she's lucky shes so cute and that she takes naps!
You are not alone. There are times when it's just not one day at a time for me but one moment
at a time. I know this too will pass. Somehow they always do.
Big hug to you and all the mamas who are having a difficult time.