Oh, mamas! I just need to vent!
I began wondering a couple of weeks ago if I had been dealing with PPD since my son's birth about 18 months ago. Sure I was cranky, but I had always attributed it to lack of sleep - DS was a HORRIBLE sleeper - but I never had any thoughts of harming my baby or even disliking him, so I never even considered PPD. I began putting the pieces together - the irritability, spilling out in full-on rage occasionally (my husband gets the brunt of that, unfortunately), the perfectionism, the persistent little worries, and the loss of joy in my life that I always used to have. After researching and mulling it over, it all seems so obvious, and I absolutely cannot believe that neither hubs nor I picked up on this sooner.
So since I started thinking about it here's what's happened: asked to be the leader for the teenage girls at church (really more of a blessing than a burden - the girls are fantastic and I have several very good assistants who take care of most of the grunt work), three weeks of sickness/snowed-in/car-in-the-shop stir crazy, found out last week I'm pregnant again, two fantastic days following the BFP - so exited and happy, then over the weekend the depression hits with a vengeance and I'm hardly functioning, and then I have to drive hubs to the airport this morning to send him off on a two-week-long overseas business trip he has absolutely no control over.
I know he was so scared to leave me. He made me promise to call and make an appointment to see someone today, but I'm kind of lost. Who should I call? The midwife? I'm 19 months postpartum now (too late to be diagnosed with PPD) and I'm about 5 weeks pregnant, so my first scheduled appt with the midwives is a long way off. I know they would see me if I called, but are they the best people to see? Should I call a psychiatrist? Ugh... I know in my rational brain that if I just called someone, I could figure all this out. I guess I just need to make myself do it. Thanks for listening!
btw - my insurance requires pre-approval for anything behavioral health related. Anybody else have to do this? Please tell me it's not a big deal!