Can a baby come with you to a mental institution? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 48 Old 05-04-2010, 02:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I feel like I am about to have a breakdown. I absolutely cannot deal with everything going on in my life right now. My husband is gone on a ship and we just moved a month ago, 3000 miles away from all of our friends and family. The only thing keeping me from checking into a mental institution is my daughter--I am afraid they will put her in foster care or something. I've never been away from her for more than 3 or 4 hours. Does anyone know if I check myself in somewhere, will they let me take my 11 month old daughter?

Single mama to S ~ 6/09

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#2 of 48 Old 05-04-2010, 02:58 PM
 
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I don't know the answer to your question, but I couldn't read and not post. Many, many hugs to you. Is there any way you could go back for awhile with your daughter? Can anyone come to you?

Wishing you all the best.
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#3 of 48 Old 05-04-2010, 02:59 PM
 
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Can you call around? At the very least, out patient care would help. Does your area have 211 or something like that for you to call and find a bunch of resources quickly?

Healthcare is a human right!
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#4 of 48 Old 05-04-2010, 02:59 PM
 
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Sorry. I have never heard of a case where the healthy child went to be hospitalized with mom. Have you no family to turn to? Or a very good friend?
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#5 of 48 Old 05-04-2010, 03:00 PM
 
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#6 of 48 Old 05-04-2010, 03:02 PM
 
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can you stay with someone for a bit, or ask someone to stay with you? I"m so sorry mama.

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#7 of 48 Old 05-04-2010, 03:31 PM
 
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Generally speaking, therapy is something you need to do alone, or with a partner. Unless of course it is family therapy. When or if you check yourself in to a facility you are there to work on your issues and the staff want you to have as few 'distractions' as possible and they will see your babe as a huge distraction. That may see unfair now, but you will be going to groups, sessions, doing work etc and won't be able to care for a babe.

Is it possible for you to try outpatient care or a therapist instead of going straight to inpatient? Something where you can find a sitter for a couple hrs instead?

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#8 of 48 Old 05-04-2010, 03:37 PM
 
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I was just over in "Finding your Tribe", and saw a post by a lady in Snohomish County. Have you tried posting over there? Perhaps you can find another MDC mama who can help you with the transition?

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#9 of 48 Old 05-04-2010, 04:09 PM
 
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Oh, bless your heart! Please call around and see if there is somewhere you can go with your baby or someone can treat you without having to be admitted. Very best wishes to you.
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#10 of 48 Old 05-04-2010, 04:17 PM
 
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(((HUG)))

Look for base resources. Find a LLL group, play group, something to socialize with.

Bake something and take a little to each neighbor. To extend a hand in friendship. Maybe find another like mom.
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#11 of 48 Old 05-04-2010, 04:45 PM
 
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The mental institutions around here have day hospital programs. So you'd go from 9-5pm or whatever, just like it's a job... and your baby could stay with a sitter or in daycare & you could still see her at night. I would try calling a few places to see if they have something like that. I tried googling it but I'm on the east coast & not familiar at all with WA, maybe someone in FYT could help.

ETA: I did see someone go to drug rehab with their baby once on Oprah... but I think that is unusual. And honestly, having spent a lot of time in psychiatric facilities myself, I would NOT want my kid in that setting. There are people there who are not only depressed or suicidal but also homicidal and/or prone to violent outbursts... I wouldn't feel comfortable bringing my baby into that.

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#12 of 48 Old 05-04-2010, 04:56 PM
 
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nm.

Body, I've been more than patient. Please make a baby. Please?
always loving my babies. (May 08)(April 09)(August 09)(September 09) (December 10)
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#13 of 48 Old 05-04-2010, 05:36 PM
 
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Hun, I'm really sorry you're having such a hard time.

Do your parents work for a company that is required to recognize FMLA? Do you have siblings who would come that could get FMLA leave? It requires your doctor (or midwife) to fill out some paperwork for their company that will remain confidential. They can come to be emotional support for PPD.

My mother did it, and stayed for a month the first time, and over a month the second (the second time was for a DV situation). Under FMLA someone can get up to 12 weeks unpaid leave. Does ANYONE in your family qualify for it?? If they have enough sick leave saved up they can use that to have paid time.

If you need someone you need to get someone to come to you. Or, who cares that you just moved. It's just you and your DD right? Get on an airplane and go to them. Ask a neighbor to take in your mail, or have it forwarded.

ETA - I know someone from the snohomish county area - her family is really sweet. Are you religious? Do you attend church? If you do I might be able to put you in touch with a great church "family" in that area. One that would welcome you with open arms and be willing to help out.
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#14 of 48 Old 05-04-2010, 08:14 PM
 
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I'd call and ask but I'm afraid it's unlikely. I live in the bay area and we have a crisis nursery in the area. I found one online in WA that you might want to look into called Childhaven http://www.childhaven.org.

Their crisis nursery seems to function in the same way that the one here does, it's a private non-profit which would allow for a safe place for you baby to stay while you get the help you need without involving social services, it's free of charge and confidential and you can call Crisis Line: Self-referring parents call the 24-hour crisis line by dialing 206.328.KIDS (206.328.5437). There goal is to keep kids safe and families together.

I am proud of you for realizing that you are having trouble coping and getting help. This is shows what an amazing mother you are, caring for yourself so that you can care for your baby. It takes a strong woman to ask for help when feeling so horribly. Call the crisis line, and find out what they have to offer, they may even have some suggestions about psychiatric hospitals in the area. In my experience there can be large differences between programs. You can get through this, there is hope on the other side. Hang in there.

Will be thinking of you and if I come up with anything more, I'll add it to the post.

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#15 of 48 Old 05-04-2010, 09:34 PM
 
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I had to leave my son at home to go to rehab for a month when he was 19 months. I only got to visit him for 15 minutes on Saturdays and Sundays, and I had to be escorted to the lobby to do this. I nursed him at our visits and pumped while he was away, but did not have the means to send him the milk so I pumped and dumped. This particular hospital has a psych ward as well, and their rules are more strict than the inpatient rehab's, so I am not sure if they could make similar arrangements. I hope you can find something that works for you and your baby, I know what a hard decision it can be.

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#16 of 48 Old 05-04-2010, 09:57 PM
 
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You can call Military One Source and they might have some suggestions on therapists who can help ASAP. You can also call your husbands commands ombudsman and see if they sources to help you, even if it is with childcare. I know I am listed as an emergancy drop off childcare if anyone has problems even if it is long term. I wish you were closer so I could help you.
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#17 of 48 Old 05-04-2010, 11:46 PM
 
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I don't want to give you false hope because I have no idea how hospitals/institutions vary, but when I was considering inpatient treatment when my dd was a newborn, they would've let me bring her along since she was nursing. Their requirement was that I would've had to bring another adult with me to stay the whole time (ie dh or my mom) that could've cared for her while I was in therapy sessions, etc.

I would also tell you lovingly and with utmost respect...PPD is a tough road, and sometimes requires us to make hard, courageous decisions in order to help ourselves be well again. And that's okay. What I'm getting at is if in the end you need to be separated from your little one temporarily, you will make it, and your relationship can grow and flourish once you're feeling better.

So sorry you're in this dilemma, you will be in my prayers.

Wishing you help and healing.

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#18 of 48 Old 05-05-2010, 12:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't feel like I'm going to harm myself or harm my daughter...more like something is going to push me over the edge in public and I'm going to end up crying in a ball on the floor or something equally embarrassing. I am feeling a little better today than I was yesterday.

Right now my daughter is the only thing helping me cope, and I am afraid it would be much harder for me to work on myself at all worrying about her and missing her. Leaving her for even 9 hours a day would devastate her, let alone overnight--she comes crawling to me as fast as she can after being at her babysitter's for 3 hours even. She is also extremely clingy and needy since her dad has been gone, as she is very attached to him as well. She nurses all night. Leaving her is just not an option, but since is she 11 months old, I know most places would not consider her need to nurse as important as a newborns.

I have a pretty unsupportive family. They are coming to visit for a weekend in May but they are too 'busy' to come drop everything even if I need them. When I lived 45 minutes away, they hardly came to visit. Once, when I was vomiting with a 103 fever, my mom was too busy to come watch my 3 month old baby while I napped. So I doubt she is going to come across the country. And I'm not really sure I'd want her here any way. My brothers are still teenagers, so the same thing there. I have one friend--she also lives in Florida, and she does not have the financial means to come be with me.

I am not religious, but am attending a UU church here. Perhaps I should ask them for resources.

Tricare gave me a referral to counselors in my area but none of them are taking new patients for two weeks. I am going to call today and more or less beg them to take me immediately.

Single mama to S ~ 6/09

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#19 of 48 Old 05-05-2010, 01:59 PM
 
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I have one friend--she also lives in Florida, and she does not have the financial means to come be with me.

I am not religious, but am attending a UU church here. Perhaps I should ask them for resources.

Tricare gave me a referral to counselors in my area but none of them are taking new patients for two weeks. I am going to call today and more or less beg them to take me immediately.
Please do call the counselors! Tell them you really need to see someone, and I'm sure someone will try to fit you in!

And, if your friend can't come to you, can you go to her? If you DH is away for an extended period of time is there a reason you need to stay put? Even just going for a visit might help.

Also - definitely ask at your church!! Really, I'm sure the leaders there will be able to offer some form of assistance. There might even be some teenagers that you can have come over as "mothers helpers" to help with your house cleaning, laundry, dishes, baby care while you take a hot bath, whatever needs doing! For a few dollars teens will do ANYTHING - I know b/c I was one once! Ask around at the church for recommendations - I'm sure there are a few families with responsible teens that can help out!

There might even be a "mothers group" that you can meet up with once a week - I know that was so helpful to me when DS was smaller. Now its easier b/c he's older, but LLL was SO GREAT when he was younger! I didn't have any BF problems, but loved meeting other moms! Which reminds me, look up your nearest LLL!!!

And, thanks for the update, I was thinking about you last night!

And, don't be embarrassed by feeling overwhelmed - most new mothers do, and if you tell the leaders at your church what the problem is they will more than likely be able to offer help and guidance. Try not to downplay it either, if they realize that you're really struggling they might be able to do more than just "offer resources".
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#20 of 48 Old 05-05-2010, 02:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Please do call the counselors! Tell them you really need to see someone, and I'm sure someone will try to fit you in!

And, if your friend can't come to you, can you go to her? If you DH is away for an extended period of time is there a reason you need to stay put? Even just going for a visit might help.

Also - definitely ask at your church!! Really, I'm sure the leaders there will be able to offer some form of assistance. There might even be some teenagers that you can have come over as "mothers helpers" to help with your house cleaning, laundry, dishes, baby care while you take a hot bath, whatever needs doing! For a few dollars teens will do ANYTHING - I know b/c I was one once! Ask around at the church for recommendations - I'm sure there are a few families with responsible teens that can help out!

There might even be a "mothers group" that you can meet up with once a week - I know that was so helpful to me when DS was smaller. Now its easier b/c he's older, but LLL was SO GREAT when he was younger! I didn't have any BF problems, but loved meeting other moms! Which reminds me, look up your nearest LLL!!!

And, thanks for the update, I was thinking about you last night!

And, don't be embarrassed by feeling overwhelmed - most new mothers do, and if you tell the leaders at your church what the problem is they will more than likely be able to offer help and guidance. Try not to downplay it either, if they realize that you're really struggling they might be able to do more than just "offer resources".
I can't go to her because she just got divorced a few weeks ago and is staying with her parents for a little while to get back on her feet. I also really don't want to go somewhere else temporarily...I have not been in one place longer than 6 months in the last 5 years. I need to settle somewhere, and the biggest relief for me right now is that I am here for one full year. I have one full year to establish myself.

I do attend LLL and have gotten involved in several moms groups, but I'm really surprised by the lack of community here. They call it the 'Seattle chill.' I've tried to initiate friendship with people and they literally do not respond. I've heard its extremely difficult to make friends here.

I will talk to someone at my church...hopefully they can help me.

I called five or six counselors this morning that are on my insurance and none of them had openings for 1.5-2 weeks. When I told them I really need to see someone immediately (I actually started crying a few times), some told me to call the crisis line, and some gave me some other resources. One helpful lady told me to try Bach's flower remedy...so I'm going to get some of that today. There are no other women counselors within 30 minutes of my home that take my insurance. I did leave a message at two of the counselors offices--maybe one of them will have help for me.

Single mama to S ~ 6/09

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#21 of 48 Old 05-05-2010, 02:34 PM
 
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Maybe a call from your doctor could get you into a counselor sooner? It's amazing how schedules open up when Dr So-and-So's office calls.

My neighbor came home from Iraq on a hardship leave when his wife was diagnosed with lung cancer. Could your husband look into something like that?

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#22 of 48 Old 05-05-2010, 02:55 PM
 
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Here's a link to the resources listed on the The Ruth Rhoden Craven Foundation for Postpartum Depression Awareness website.

http://www.ppdsupport.org/resources.htm

The website also says, "If you feel you need immediate assistance or are interested in more information, please feel free to contact Helena Bradford.
Email: buzerhel@aol.com Phone: 843-881-2047"

Helena's daughter, Ruth, committed suicide when her son was only a few months old. If she doesn't know the answer to your question, I am sure she will be willing to help you find out.

I hope you can find the support you need.

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To anyone in the Charleston, SC area - this foundation is holding a walk/fundraiser this weekend. More info on their website.

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#23 of 48 Old 05-05-2010, 03:13 PM
 
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I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. I agree with the PP-you should definitely reach out to the military. You are not alone and you are not the first military wife to be far away from your family and usual support system suddenly thrust into single motherhood. They have resources to help you and they understand your somewhat unique situation. I hope things get better very soon.

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#24 of 48 Old 05-05-2010, 03:28 PM
 
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I do attend LLL and have gotten involved in several moms groups, but I'm really surprised by the lack of community here. They call it the 'Seattle chill.' I've tried to initiate friendship with people and they literally do not respond. I've heard its extremely difficult to make friends here.

I will talk to someone at my church...hopefully they can help me.

I called five or six counselors this morning that are on my insurance and none of them had openings for 1.5-2 weeks. When I told them I really need to see someone immediately (I actually started crying a few times), some told me to call the crisis line, and some gave me some other resources. One helpful lady told me to try Bach's flower remedy...so I'm going to get some of that today. There are no other women counselors within 30 minutes of my home that take my insurance. I did leave a message at two of the counselors offices--maybe one of them will have help for me.
Can you try a male counselor? If there was no one else with openings, then I would try that. Also, did you schedule any appointments with any of them? You should - even if its far out. It might help you to know that you ARE doing something! And, make sure to tell them to call if they have anything open up! People do cancel appointments, so you might have some luck there.

And, calling a crisis line might help!! Definitely try it!

Seattle is a hard place to make friends, its my hometown, but I love it there. Just keep trying. You will get there! And, churches are good networking places.

Do you like hiking? That always helps put me in a good mood and theres TONS right near you. Tiger is a great hike, and so is Little Si - both have beautiful views at the top too.

Keep reaching out to anyone who will listen! You'll be OK.
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#25 of 48 Old 05-05-2010, 03:33 PM
 
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Call Military One Source, they have counselors and even ones that will do it online (like a chat). If you can't get anything through tricare right now, look at that option. I know how hard it is with the baby and DH being gone. Mine is gone only on a det right now and will be back in a couple of weeks, but they he will getting ready for cruise soon and it sucks. There is help out there, don't give up on it yet
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#26 of 48 Old 05-05-2010, 03:50 PM
 
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I've been thru many 'crisis' in my life (not necessarily PP) and I can tell you 1-2 week is standard in most cases to get a therapy appt for a new client. new client appts are longer then regular appts. Please schedule something.


Find a group to attend, take your DD to the park, go to storytime at the library, Hire a sitter and get your nails done....

FWIW I relate better to male therapists, try giving them a call too.

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#27 of 48 Old 05-05-2010, 06:29 PM
 
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What you are describing sounds like severe anxiety/panic attacks. Your family doctor could easily prescribe something to help you if you are open to taking some medication. I had very severe anxiety after the birth of all three of my children and I also had zero support. My family lives 1,600 miles away. I was new in town when my children were born so I didn't have any close friends. And while my husband was home (when not at work) he was not supportive and our marriage was in shambles. I was coping alone. So I have some idea of what you are going through. I hope you get some relief and support soon.
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#28 of 48 Old 05-05-2010, 09:38 PM
 
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Definitely call a crisis line. I volunteered for one years ago, and we would normally stay on the phone for as long as it was needed, sometimes for hours, to just listen to someone who was in need.

This said, if you get a volunteer that you don't click with, ask him or her whether you can call back or be transferred to someone else. I called a crisis line once and the person i talked to was absolutely clueless and unsupportive. But normally you can call back and you will ge someone else!

lots of hugs to you. what a hard situation.

i read a story once about a woman who felt for years as though she was on edge--like she would fall down and start a tantrum any moment. then at a family dinner she finally did that, and found it very liberating.

maybe having a good cry is not a bad thing, but something that you need to do.

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#29 of 48 Old 05-11-2010, 01:14 PM
 
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OP - is there an update? How are you doing?
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#30 of 48 Old 05-11-2010, 05:30 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ihugtrees View Post
I don't feel like I'm going to harm myself or harm my daughter...more like something is going to push me over the edge in public and I'm going to end up crying in a ball on the floor or something equally embarrassing. I am feeling a little better today than I was yesterday.
Well the good news is that if you're not feeling like you're going to harm yourself, there's no way they're going to hospitalize you!

If it helps, I did end up breaking down crying in front of friends and colleagues and lived to tell the tale.

Another option:
Contact the PSI (Postpartum Support International) in your area:
http://www.postpartum.net/Get-Help/S...ashington.aspx

This organization has support groups they can refer you to and very often there's a real live volunteer who's suffered from PPD that you can call and talk to. That might well get you through the two weeks you need.

Have you called your primary care doc? You probably also need meds. Meds + counseling is the most effective long term 'cure' for PPD.

Could you afford some help? Someone to watch your dd for an hour or so while you take a nice long walk?

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