I had severe PPD and PTSD with dd1.....My p/g with her was really tough but only because of the stupid dr's....I had 2 m/c's prior to dd1's p/g, so I didn't really allow myself to get attached to even the p/g until I made it past 14 weeks (which was when I lost the others) then i went in for my "18 week" u/s and they called and told me that they found something with her heart and that we would need to see a perinatologist...didn't tell me any specifics, just that I needed to call and make an appt. with them....so I called and they said I was coming in for genetic couseling, I asked them why and again they said that it would be discussed at the appt...well we went in and they said they found a marker for downs syndrome....being naive about everything I just about lost it..they told me to come back in 2 weeks to check again, well that 2 weeks was hell and of course I went back and they found nothing....fast forward to the end of the p/g and my OB was starting the whole LGA bit and I would need to be induced no later than 40 weeks....I was naive but not that naive so I refused before 40 weeks and then we had a major hurricane headed our way so i panicked and let them admit me to be induced, which led to the typical cascade of interventions....everything short of a c-sec....I didn't get to see her until she was all cleaned up and wrapped tightly all I could see was her face. Plus they gave her the Vit. K shot without asking and dh said he didn't know what to do
because at the time they gave it to her I was in severe pain because the epi had worn off towards the end of pushing and the OB was stitching me up without numbing me. I could feel that I wasn't myself even before I left the hospital which was a nightmare in itself....they wouldn't let me sleep with her next to me and every 10 mins the stupid alarm on her warmer went off and she like your dd was NOT a good sleeper at all!!
I like you don't remember much about her early days, we did co-sleep with her and was a good nurser but as soon as it was daylight I was handing her off and went back to sleep and didn't even want to see her....all the same feelings as you had.....I felt no attachment what so ever....Had horrible thoughts of either killing her or myself, I felt like I lived in my own personal hell....when I did sleep I would have flash backs and nightmares about her birth. It was truly awful.
Finally when she turned a yr. old I started to come around a little bit, then when she was only 14 mos. old I got p/g with dd2 and was horrified!! I was hoping I would have another m/c because I figured it would be the same hell all over again....well fast forward to her birth....It was AWESOME I had the most awesome m/w(I vowed NEVER to set foot in a hospital again to birth anymore babies!!) and I couldn't believe how awesome I could feel!!
Plus, she turned out to be THE MOST wonderful baby I could have ever asked for! She had hardly any "colic" and never woke more frequently than every 2 hrs. and then went right back to sleep. I finally knew what it felt like to be a "real" mom.
Well, fast forward again to ds's birth again wonderful birth of a big beautiful 10+lb. baby boy with the same m/w's.....but afterwards I ended up with a cystocele and could hardly sit for the first 3 mos. of his life I was in a lot pain constantly and he was the "WORST" baby EVER...I don't think he ever stopped crying for the first 6 mos. of his life...I spent many nights at 1 and 2 o'clock in the morning pacing the sidewalk up and down in front of our house with him crying (the poor neighbors!!
) it was truly awful..But I never got to that PPD point, there were times of frustration(we had tried every gripe water, and remedy on this planet and even cranio sacral therapy, nothing helped) but I never felt hopeless or helpless.
So I guess the moral of my novel is that just like the others have said you have been thru the worst of it and so now you will more than likely be prepared.....I told dh that I am so glad we got that horrible experience first because now we could face anything!
Although I will have to add that dh had a vasectomy when ds was only 2 weeks old!!