Mothering Forum banner

Why can't I get myself together?

2K views 3 replies 4 participants last post by  sunnygir1 
#1 ·
Dd2 is one year old next week. I love both of my children. We don't have financial problems. I have been able to stay home this year and I can now potentially decide what I want to do- study, work, start something. So why don't I care? Why can't I remember more than one or two things at a time ând eventhen for 5 minutes? I only want to stay in bed and sleep. I have zero motivation. I don't remember simple things and can't stay on top of chores or stuff that needs to be done. I procranstinate to point that the situation becomes critical.

Dd2 has been challenging, but had some food issues that took me awhile to work out. It led to very little sleep for a long time for either of us. But otherwise she is a good baby. Dd1 is a good kid too, not particualrly high needs. Goes to preschool. We moved last year to a new country and I still am not fluent in the language much to my shame. Even that I can't seem to get organized. I applied to teh uni here for that and now I have lost teh proof of payment for teh placement test. Which is on Monday. If everything goes well I will start on Sept 20. We still have no childcare solution for dd2 and no afterschool one for dd1. Why? Why didn't I get this taken care of? I knew it was coming.

What is wrong with me? Is this part of ppd? After dd1 I worked and it was never so hard. I love my kids but I don't think I am a good sahm. I am at my wits end. DH is getting frustrated with it too. But I have no explanation.
 
See less See more
#2 ·


I think it is PPD. Please go see your doctor. Talking to a counselor might help as well. Is there an English language counselor around (or your native language)? Is there a group of expat mothers that meets?

You can't get yourself together because you can't just snap out of depression. If you could, you would have already done this.

You've had an incredible amount of stress this last year. The #1 predictor for PPD is stress. You've moved to a different country, you have little support system because of that. You've given birth. You're sleep deprived.

For me, I know that I'm a better mom if I'm not a SAHM. I wish I had the temperament to be a good SAHM, but I don't. Dh works from home and is a much better 'at home' dad.

ETA: Ask your dh to help find the proof of payment.
 
#3 ·
Hi from another expat in France. I think many of the symptoms you describe sound like culture shock could be a contributing factor, or even a combo of both. Having kids in a foreign country and not speaking the language well is very difficult. (I know, I've been here 2 1/2 yrs and still just scrape by in my French) I 2nd the advice of looking for expat playgroups and activities. Here in Paris we have the MESSAGE group which has excellent supportive forums and maybe you could find some members in your area too. It's nice to know we aren't alone here and many of us have similar worries and difficulties, so we can comiserate with each each other and offer support.
 
#4 ·
I am at home, within 1/2 mile of my mother and my older sister, so I have my support group intact, and I still am experiencing much of what you are. I have no motivation, I just feel lazy and incapable. Everything should be fine, but I don't feel fine. Yuck. I don't want to take medication, and going to a regular therapy session doesn't seem like the most fun/best use of my kid-free time, you know? I feel where you're coming from, and I think it's ppd. Treat yourself, get treatment, get out of the house, be gentle with yourself.
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top