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wtf do I have to do to feel better?

2K views 25 replies 14 participants last post by  applecider 
#1 ·
ds is 16 months. Does it even count as "pp"d anymore? When he was around 5 months I started celexa.. after several months of that I decided the side effects didn't justify any minor benefit I was getting and stopped. For a couple months now I've been seeing a therapist weekly. For a couple weeks, I've been taking a ton of supplements (inspired by the natural remedy thread) and I still do not notice any difference! Meds didn't work, I don't know if therapy is helping much, we're spending hundreds of dollars a month we can't afford because I can't dig myself out of this hole. I just put the mood cure on hold at the library, so at least after reading that I might not be just buying expensive supps willy nilly hoping I find the right blend.

I have a ton of support from my husband. He telecommutes, working half in an office he rents and half at home. He'll take the kids in the morning MOST days so I can sleep. He does most the housework and cooking. He'll come home early if its a *really* bad day. It really makes me feel like a worthless contribution to the family
I scored in the 70s on that quiz.

I have *no* coping mechanisms for stress what.so.ever. GD? Forget about it. I might know exactly what to do, but I'll be damned if I can actually DO it. Its not like I forget in the moment. In the moment, I'll know exactly what the "right" thing to do is. But I can't cope with my own inner responses enough to be able to implement any kind of positive strategy. No impulse control. I just yell. I DO get "me time". dh will take the kids to the store with him. I go to ICAN meetings every month, there's church activities with nurseries provided. So what gives? Meds, supplements (those two not together though) therapy, supportive dh, regular breaks.. with all this, why do I ALWAYS feel so shitty? I'm constantly on edge, irritable, and ready to bite just about anyone's head off.

I'm taking:
12 grams inositol
500mg l-tyrosine 2x day
fish oil..err.. 3 capsules a day, I know it comes to over 1000 EPA/day, and a little less of DHA
GABA 500mg before bed
vitamin d - 5000iu
prenatal vit
 
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#2 ·
I started taking calming, sedating herbs at the suggestion of the therapist who leads my ppd group.I was nervous bc my ds is up probably 4-6 x a night and tho Ive spent many nights cosleeping, I cant do it all night. I'd go mad. I was worried that taking herbs such as these would prevent me from being able to respond to him, but she descibed it as "hearing him with my ears, instead of my adrenal glands." So I started and it has made a huge difference.
I suffer more from PP Anger than ppd and I know its bc of my circumstances. DS DOESNT sleep. He needs about 8 hrs in a 24 hr period and most consist of cat naps. I get no breaks from him, and dh works long hrs (sometimes I think to stay away). For awhile it was hard for me to be around people with babies ds's age that were "good' at sleeping, not fussy, etc because it pissed me off so much. Not at the babies, or their parents, or at ds, not even sure who, maybe just the situation as a whole. And these herbs have helped the anger drop out and replaced it with a mellow sort of frustration. Thats manageable compared to seething hatred at the fact that I have been dealt a situation I NEVER prepared for and NEVER expected when I know it doesnt have to be this tough. I have an amazing healthy boy but I feel cheated.
I take:
Fish oil and flax oil (lots and lots, the more the better probably 6 a day)
Lecithin (to prevent clogged milk ducts and for brain support Phosphatidyl serine and choline)
Vitamin D (2000 IUs a day)
Prenatal (4 per day)
B complex (for energy, and b5 supports adrenals Im worried Im gonna kill mine)
Vitamin c (to prevent clogged milk ducts and support adrenals)
Probiotics (for immune health, when Im run down so is my immune system)
Calcium and magnesium (for babies growing bones, and mag for relaxation)

and I added:
Wild oats tincture
Lemon balm capsules
passionflower capsules
chamomile tea when I remember
My ppd group leader said to do these herbs as you would food, multiple times a day and Also, you might benefit from Theanine? I tried gaba and it works for me but I almost get a hang over from it that leaves me feeling irritable. Theanine doesnt do this for me. I used to work at vitamin store so I know I take alot compared to some people but I feel this is what my body needs. PS Why inositol?
 
#3 ·
FWIW ds just turned 1 and I just figured out that I have ppd...I think it has really gotten worse for me the last few months. I was doing pretty well before that.

I know it's just one more thing to do, but are you getting outside daily and exercising regularly?

Here's what I'm taking/doing that has really helped me:

calcium
1000mg a day
vitamin D
3000 a day
fish oil
1000 a day
acidophilus
3-4 capsules a day
multi mineral
multi vitamin (b-complex/prenatal type)
Emergen-C (vitamin C plus trace minerals)
2 a day
St. John's wort tincture
a few drops 4 times a day

herbal tea:
oat straw
lemon balm
rose petals/buds
nettles
chamomile

smoothie (when I can get it together):
1/2 c blueberries
1/2 c yogurt
2T flax seed oil
2T granulated lecithin
a little apple juice to thin it

I take both yoga and belly dancing classes and go to at least one, if not both weekly.
I try to get out for a walk with my kids at least once a day.
I try to go for a jog at least a few times a week -- I've recently enlisted my husband in this one to join me...we've made it a family outing; two kids in the jogging stroller and the dog on a leash. I figure it's good for all of us.
I try to make sure I get a nap in on the weekend when dh is home because I get sleep deprived from being up with ds and sometimes dd at night.

Be gentle with yourself. It is hard and it will get easier. It is so good that you recognize what is going on and that you are doing so much to support your body and yourself in healing.
 
#4 ·
I would ask you to reconsider meds. ONE medicine didn't work for you, and it could be that it was because you never got past the starter dose. I realize that you most likely don't want to do meds. But sometimes, they're necessary. It sounds to me like your diet is good, you're doing therapy, which is great. If that's not enough, it's time to give meds another try, IMO.
 
#5 ·
Whew.. that was posted on a really bad day. Coming right off of two days of needing to be more "on" than usual, since I was watching my niece and nephew. And then I was crushed to learn that my newest nephew (not one I was watching) was circed
I was holding on to hope that because he was soo tiny (5.5 lbs, iugr) that maybe, just maaaybe they would say he was too small to do it and have to wait? (and I don't think the hospital he was born at even offers it, I think a ped has to do it) Or they'd reconsider? To have that hope shattered (after an intense but civilized convo with my brother about WHY it is wrong) just made me feel AWFUL for several days after. Just the aftermath of learning that this tiny little boy, who has been affectionately called "still practically a fetus" could have been intentionally hurt in that way..
Apparently.. thats a trigger for me


dh thinks the supps have been helping. I haven't taken them nearly all week (we were out of town, and even though I brought them.. the routine was just too changed up) and he thinks there's a difference. Back on track tomorrow morning!

Inositol because the first few pages of the natural remedy thread are focused on it. idk what it does
I just take it.. because.. some OP 4+ years ago said..
I think maybe I need to add L-trypthopan (sp?). I actually dreamt last night that I was telling dh that I needed that. My dreams have told me other things about my body that I didn't know before, (a dream prompted me taking a pg test!) so I may as well trust it!

I do go outside a lot (PNW, sunlight is a rarity this time of year) and get reasonable exercise. I can't drive, so if I wanna go somewhere.. I get to walk. Or bike. Which is also part of the problem because it makes me more alone. I can't just pick up and go to a playgroup across town, ya know? I just renewed my permit and am going to start practicing again. SOON! I really don't think exercise helps me. I could be in the middle of nice, vigorous exercise on a bright sunny day, and if a trigger gets pushed.. my reaction is about as graceful as if the trigger was pushed in the car, or at home on a lazy day.

I'm scared to try meds again. aren't sexual side effects common in ALL ssris? I just kinda figured I'd have the same reaction to all (PAIN!!!) Thats just.. not an acceptable side effect.
 
#6 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by LiLStar View Post
I'm scared to try meds again. aren't sexual side effects common in ALL ssris? I just kinda figured I'd have the same reaction to all (PAIN!!!) Thats just.. not an acceptable side effect.
You might want to talk to your doctor about something that isn't an SSRI. Wellbutrin (aka Zyban, aka bupropion) is a dopamine and norepinephrine (sp?) effector. If it has sexual side effects, they go the other way. (Increased libido.) You can take it alone or in combination with an SSRI. Talk to your doc.
 
#7 ·
I've been taking Zoloft for almost a year now. I think it's one that tends to have lower sexual side effects. I'm not sure what your side effects are since you mentioned pain, though. I know that for me, the Zoloft increased my sex drive. Once I felt better mentally/emotionally, I was more interested in sex.

I was on Wellbutrin in college and it also worked well for me. I am planning to stay on Zoloft until I'm done having children though.

As for having a 16 month old and PPD... I didn't get diagnosed with depression until my son was about 17 months old. However, once I looked back, I realized it was something that had been going on for a LONG time, and I definitely had symptoms early on after he was born. So I think it can be completely normal to have PPD for quite awhile after a child is born. Lots of
's to you.
 
#8 ·
I don't think it is a bad idea to reconsider meds... sometimes the key is finding the right one.

I had some depression & anxiety after my last pregnancy. I used lots of the things mentioned here too. I used St. John's Wort tincture, and in the beginning I was taking 1-2 dropperfuls 4 times a day and as needed in between. I also took Rescue Remedy at the same time. I weaned myself off the St. John's Wort first by amount and then by frequency. I stayed with the Rescue Remedy longer and it is still what I use if I'm stressed out.

Also, I strongly support Vit D, Vit B, and fish oils.

I think the benefits of exercise don't necessarily happen in the moment. They happen over time by calming and regulating your whole system. I wasn't a big exerciser before and it really did great things for me.

Another thing that I really needed to do was forgive myself for not being perfect (or my version of perfect). I felt bad, and then I felt bad for feeling bad! Freeing myself from that allowed my feeling to come and go so much more fluidly and I didn't feel so trapped by them anymore.

I hope you find some things that help soon. It's great you have a great partner- don't feel bad about it.
 
#9 ·
I would also ask you to reconsider meds. The trouble with taking Celexa only for a little while is that it didn't have time to do anything. They take 6 weeks to have full effect, and then you need to take them for at least 6 months to a year once you are feeling all better in order for the effect to be lasting.

It's very good that you are in therapy, too. Therapy + meds has the highest rate of success.

It's not unusual (in fact it's very very common) to need to try several meds before one works really well.

Hang in there, I was also not diagnosed until my ds1 was nearly a year old. And I took meds for over 2 years after that, even through pregnancy with ds2.
 
#10 ·
Have you looked into a thyroid or adrenal fatigue issue? sometimes depression can be a side effect...

Not saying you didn't/don't have PPD, but possibly adrenal or thyroid issues are getting in the way of taking care of it?
 
#11 ·
I took celexa for waaay longer than 6 weeks! several months.

i did have my thyroid tested a few weeks ago. And made sure they tested the free t-whatever that most drs dont test for. All normal. I looked into adrenal fatigue a bit, but while I found good info about it, I found a lot about drs not believing in its existence? I kinda gave up there. Having to research everything for myself and be my own dr and treat myself and become an expert in something i know nothing about.. ugh.. I just do not have that in me right now. I was talking to a friend last night who said maybe bipolar. So.. I might look into that.
 
#12 ·
i went to a naturopath about my adrenal fatigue... she was great.
the regular medical doctors only believe it's an adrenal problem if it's bad enough to be called addison's disease (which is complete adrenal failure, basically), from what I understand, but adrenal fatigue is a lesser degree of it...
 
#13 ·
Ugh, I soooo wish naturopaths were an option for me right now!! dh's company (a small, 4-person start up) is in the process of being bought, so maybe when the buy out goes through our insurance will change (for the better? pleeeease?) but as of now, they absolutely will not pay a cent for naturopaths. We took ds to one once.. and OMG! It was over $200!! And we're already paying around $250/month in therapy (thanks again, insurance, for SUCKING! $50 copays?! Seriously!?) I could poke around to see if there's an ND in MD's clothing anywhere around here (I'm just a few miles away from a naturopathic university for crying out loud) I saw a nurse practitioner within an ND clinic for my bloodwork, but I wasn't really satisfied with her. Didn't seem like someone who was really prepared to help me dig deep and investigate and find a solution.
 
#14 ·
I'd ask on finding your tribe about crunchy MDs in your area. NY State doesn't allow coverage for naturopaths by insurance, so I hear you. My appt was only like $130, though, but still a chunk of change. Maybe they'd be willing to work with you on a sliding scale?
 
#15 ·
Even if you were on Celexa longer than 6 weeks, it's possible it just wasn't the right med for you. Each one of the ssri's acts slightly differently for each person, and one ssri may not do much for one person but do great things for another. Usually, or at least very often, a person has to try several different meds before finding the right one.

Also, it's possible that the dosage of Celexa was not right for you. You may have needed to tweak the dose a bit. It's best to work with a psychiatrist when dealing with meds because they are best at managing them and know the in's and out's of dealing with them.
 
#17 ·
Hey LilStar- I live in portland too... have you considered going to a Baby Blues Connection meeting? Since your baby is out of the "newborn" stage, you might consider an "aftercare" meeting, which is geared more towards moms with older babies who are still struggling. Its not uncommon, and you are NOT ALONE! Call the hotline, send an email, whatever you are comfortable with. They are such a wonderful and supportive organization with a loooong list full of references for providers.

I feel your frustration with insurance and naturopathic physicians. I have a fantastic ND in portland, but honestly I cannot afford their treatment, and i have the best insurance. Its really cost prohibitive and really sad because I believe in their methods 100%.

Personally, I have had to stay on medication even though my son is now 3.5 years old. I have had too many relapses when trying to wean off... its just not worth it at this point in his and my life. I prefer to feel like myself and stay really connected with my family. I do have some side effects that are a bummer, but for right now, this is just the way. Benefits outweigh the side effects for me right now. And that is ok.

Best to you! You can feel better! Do call BBC, sometimes just a little support from other moms can make a world of difference!
 
#18 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by LynnS6 View Post
I would ask you to reconsider meds. ONE medicine didn't work for you, and it could be that it was because you never got past the starter dose. I realize that you most likely don't want to do meds. But sometimes, they're necessary. It sounds to me like your diet is good, you're doing therapy, which is great. If that's not enough, it's time to give meds another try, IMO.
I agree...I have suffered from PPD and then chronic depression and finding the right meds can me a challenge, but let me tell you that once you to the sun will shine again. It was amazing to me when I finally found the right combination on how I felt....FINALLY.
 
#19 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by LiLStar View Post
I was talking to a friend last night who said maybe bipolar. So.. I might look into that.
Look into Bipolar II...it is a depressive disorder. That is what I ended up diagnosed withand FINALLY got on the right combo of meds. I feel like a whole new person.
 
#20 ·
I'm going to go ahead and be the voice of dissent here and say skip the exercise. With adrenal fatigue (which mom doesn't have that??), exercise can make you more tired and feeling depleted.

What is it that you *do* want? That's awesome that hubby is taking over on a lot of things, but what is it that you need most, right now. What are some ways you can make that happen? Perhaps you don't want to sleep in, you want to get out to the park or meet up with a friend for coffee for a few hours.

I found that 2 hours was never enough of a break for me. Those first 2 hours I do nothing because I finally feel like I can exhale, and so I just crash. Once those 2 hours of nothingness pass, then I'm like, hmm what else can I do, and I'm up reading or writing or going out. I find I need at LEAST 4 hours to recharge, part down time, and then part for me to do somethign I enjoy. Sounds like right now, you are getting time to rest, which is awesome, but by the time you feel just rested enough, you are back in the trenches. That leaves you feeling exhausted and resentful.

Re: the yelling. Since you know what to do, can you ask yourself "What do I need right now?" Often, when we haven't had any self-care in a while, we are on edge and snap. It's not necessarily a PPD thing, it's more of a "mom thing", IMO.

Can you make a list of 10 things you ENJOY doing, and 10 things you feel better after doing. For example, clenaing the kitchen top to bottom is not necessarily FUN, but it feels amazing when it's done, at least to me anyway.

If you can't think of anything fun, look back to your childhood, what did you enjoy doing then. Explore some of those hobbies again, even if for 5 minutes. Just because you love to paint for example, doesn't mean you have to go out and sign up for an art class right now, you can just draw the outline for 10 min. Even that little bit of creativity will give you a boost.

FRom that list, do at least 1-3 things for yourself EACH DAY. Think of it as food, nourishing your spirit, taken in small meals throughout the day.

I'd continue with the supplements, and I'd call a crisis center too, just to talk. It really is so therapeutic to just get it all out. Kinda like a pressure cooker, the steam has to go somewhere. There are tons of caring ppl in the world, let them share the load with you.

*hugs*
 
#21 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by neveryoumindthere View Post
I'm going to go ahead and be the voice of dissent here and say skip the exercise. With adrenal fatigue (which mom doesn't have that??), exercise can make you more tired and feeling depleted.

I agree with this... but I'll add that my naturopath suggested low-impact stuff... like gentle yoga or walking (not too much) to help me out. Finding the time to do it is another matter
but might be worthwhile.

Also, there's a couple big long adrenal fatigue threads around here with LOTS of information on them. Could be helpful on working through...
 
#22 ·
I actually just moved to Seattle over the summer and have been lazy about changing my profile.

neveryoumindthere, DEAD ON about needing a very long break. dh might take the kids and it'll be like, "yay! now I can_____... but not yet" then they get home and I'm still sitting around and its like, dammit! I didn't get to do anything.

To be honest, its not difficult at all to find things I enjoy doing. I like to sew, and do it a lot.

Getting out with friends would be HEAVENLY. And, I put out the effort. dh is going out of town next week. I tried setting up a MNO on a meetup group I'm on, midweek, to break it up.. crickets. And a few RSVPs "no". Same thing happened when I tried to set one up with a different group last time he went out of town. I spend the weeks before a trip asking around, and NO ONE can make it. It gets really old begging people to hang out with you and getting rejected.
 
#24 ·
i'm finding when I stay on top of the tryptophan, it's better. And tyrosine makes ds not nap
so I need to experiment if a low dose is okay. There was even a time today that I was just.. In a good mood for no particular reason! Took ds out to the ar after we finished dinner so he wouldn't be a hellion while dh paid. Turned on a cd and sang along and actually felt good. I was like, whoa.. So this is what serotonin feels like! It was such a foreign, unfamiliar feeling it was kinda buzz like. Ha. Hope it can last.. Going to keep that tryptophan.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#26 ·
I meant to respond to your thread awhile ago because it resonated so much with me. I mean, I could totally have written your post! I have tried supplements and sometimes they make me feel better but then I stop because life gets crazy and I forget. Plus, like you, I'm never sure which ones to take. I just saw that you moved to the Seattle area and I am around here too! I would totally get together for an MNO, pm me if you are still interested. Also, I think there is a pretty active Seattle AP group, have you tried that?

I hear you on needing a long break. Frankly, I need like a week at a spa or something. I have considered joining the Y so I could get a daily break, my dp works out of town all week. I'm just very excited for the day I can leave my younger ds overnight, I'm going to do a weekend trip by MYSELF.
 
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