I don't know if it's ppd, or just my crazy life having its affects on me.
My life in a nutshell: I have two beautiful kiddos and a wonderful husband. However...we are poor. Like, well below poverty level poor. My DH works full time and I am in school full time. My DD is on the autism spectrum. My son is an easy baby, I almost feel like his mellowness makes up for all the chaos of my DD! There is just a lot of stress regarding DD and finances and trying to do well in school.
I feel tired all the time. I keep telling myself it's because I have a lot on my plate, but I don't know. I have had no sex drive since my DS was born, which has been rather devistating to me...it was never an issue before. I spend all this time on the internet, even when I know I should get off and be a better mom. I just know that every day I fail my kids over and over again. I want to be a happy, interactive mom and I am just not. Am I just lazy? Maybe I'm just a crappy mom...
I get mad very easily. I feel like my emotions are all just bubbling under the surface, ready to come out at any minute. Everyone always tells me that I'm doing such a great job, that my kids are lucky to have me. I am a fraud. I just keep smiling and saying that I feel great and positive and everything is going to be ok!
I used to have a great spiritual life. My faith in God was so strong, and I loved going to church and all that that entailed. Now, I just can't get that. I feel like maybe I just never "got over" my 2 miscarriages and my DD getting her diagnosis in the midst of them.
I had this amazing, redemptive homebirth with DS. I feel like I should be happy but jst can't get there. Sometimes when both kids are crying, thses thoughts flash through my head...the desire to yell F#$% at the top of my lungs (I don't swear), the desire to walk out of the apartment, or worse. Stuff I would never ever do.
I have no health insurance. I have no doctor. I briefly saw a therapist when I was pg, but I did the same thing with her that I did with everyone else...happy, brave, strong mask on! Now that I'm admitting that maybe this isn't normal....I have nothing I can do about it. Now what?
Sorry for the essay.
My life in a nutshell: I have two beautiful kiddos and a wonderful husband. However...we are poor. Like, well below poverty level poor. My DH works full time and I am in school full time. My DD is on the autism spectrum. My son is an easy baby, I almost feel like his mellowness makes up for all the chaos of my DD! There is just a lot of stress regarding DD and finances and trying to do well in school.
I feel tired all the time. I keep telling myself it's because I have a lot on my plate, but I don't know. I have had no sex drive since my DS was born, which has been rather devistating to me...it was never an issue before. I spend all this time on the internet, even when I know I should get off and be a better mom. I just know that every day I fail my kids over and over again. I want to be a happy, interactive mom and I am just not. Am I just lazy? Maybe I'm just a crappy mom...
I get mad very easily. I feel like my emotions are all just bubbling under the surface, ready to come out at any minute. Everyone always tells me that I'm doing such a great job, that my kids are lucky to have me. I am a fraud. I just keep smiling and saying that I feel great and positive and everything is going to be ok!
I used to have a great spiritual life. My faith in God was so strong, and I loved going to church and all that that entailed. Now, I just can't get that. I feel like maybe I just never "got over" my 2 miscarriages and my DD getting her diagnosis in the midst of them.
I had this amazing, redemptive homebirth with DS. I feel like I should be happy but jst can't get there. Sometimes when both kids are crying, thses thoughts flash through my head...the desire to yell F#$% at the top of my lungs (I don't swear), the desire to walk out of the apartment, or worse. Stuff I would never ever do.
I have no health insurance. I have no doctor. I briefly saw a therapist when I was pg, but I did the same thing with her that I did with everyone else...happy, brave, strong mask on! Now that I'm admitting that maybe this isn't normal....I have nothing I can do about it. Now what?
Sorry for the essay.