I recently posted in another topic area and someone mentioned PPD which lead me here. I have a 21 mo old son and 2.5 mo old twin girls (born 5 weeks early). I was fine after DS's birth and for the first couple months after the twins birth (when they slept all day and I had help d/t c- sec recovery). In the past couple weeks they "woke up". They scream pretty much all day, they dont smile or babble or do any normal baby stuff. My DS is understandably stressed about the crying and the fact that he is ignored most of the day and he throws things and hits me and the babies. I find myself obsessing over the twins development, and screaming at my toddler - I am so, so angry all the time. I alternate between despising the kids and feeling terribly guilty that I cant meet their endless needs. I fantasize all day about just walking out the door and not going back, or calling CPS and asking them to take the kids. I feel like I'd be fine if the girls would stop screaming and start smiling and I've never had any real issues with depression - though do have a history of anxiety based insomnia. I wonder if this is PPD or just a relatively normal reaction to a crazy situation - esp since I felt fine until things got chaotic? And if I were to go on meds would I be able to keep bf'ing? Thanks for any info or advice.
It sounds like you have your hands full, Mama! I feel overwhelmed just with 1, so I can't imagine trying to take care of 3!
I think that your reactions are probably very normal given your situation, but that doesn't mean that there isn't also some PPD in the mix there, too. PPD doesn't just equate to depression, either - although that's often the most common symptom. PPD can also manifest itself as anxiety/OCD (obsessive thoughts/actions). I definitely recommend discussing your situation with your doctor to see if meds might be an option for you. There's NO reason that you should have to deal with feeling so bad on a daily basis!
With regards to meds and b'fing - yes, it's definitely possible. I'm taking Zoloft for PPD (mostly anxiety, like you) at the moment, and this drug is considered to be extremely safe for breastfeeding mothers. There are others that are also 'safe', but this is the preferred med for us nursing mamas.
Good luck! Hang in there - it won't last forever, I promise!
It sounds a lot like when I had ppd. I was so angry at my toddler all the time. I remember that normal life problems--like feeding children, giving them attention when they need it, etc. just seemed impossible. I would have a baby needing a diaper change and a toddler begging me for food and didn't have the brain power to figure out how to get through it.
I think you should definitely look into treatment--either supplements or meds (you CAN still breastfeed) but you also need some physical help. You need some help figuring out why your babies scream all day and don't do normal baby things. You need some help figuring out how to give your toddler some love and attention. You need some help getting some rest for yourself.
Looking back on my own ppd, I wish I had asked my Mom to come live with me for a month or so to get through some of these things. Or if my dh could have taken a month or two for FMLA--that wouldn't work for us because we couldn't do without his income for a month. Those things are both very drastic but whatever you do, try to find yourself a support network.
Oh hun, that sounds so stressful just reading it! I can't imagine what you're going through.
I'd definitely get a helper at home asap, even if some other expenses had to be put off for a while. I had just one baby (my 4th) and I hired a university-student for 4 weeks to watch the other kids and do dishes and feed the kids lunch, while I just lounged and nursed the baby. It. was. fantastic.
I don't know what you have looked into for your babies, but it's my personal belief that babies don't just stay miserable for no good reason. They may be too overstimulated, or having some digestion issues or something else...this was my son's issue, 5 months of screaming/writhing in pain from GERD, hiatal hernia, and weak stomach; healed with herbals, chiropractic, acupressure, and some neuro-emotional techniques.
You yourself sound super overstimulated. When's the last time you had 1/2 an hour of pure quiet to just escape?
I'd get with a health care practitioner too, to deal with any health issues you and the babies may have.
If you can't get someone, have dh stay home for a full day and give you a few hours where you have nothing to do with the kids except nursing. Going outside is best, so you don't hear the whining/crying..and the fresh air will force you to take some healing deep breaths.
Helping women overcome postpartum depression and birth trauma. http://www.postmommyhood.com
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