My dh got mad at me recently and told me not to discuss my sadness or upset with anyone. But then tonight, when I tried to talk to him about how he is acting, turns out... HE is the one who is overwhelmed. I am not even overwhelmed. I am very upset about being abandoned by the OB and the way the pregnancy went because of the bad medical care. On the other hand, he is overwhelmed. He keeps talking about when the kids leave for college and how he cannot handle 18 yrs of this and how difficult he thinks our 2 yr old is. Honestly, our 2 yr old is very easy compared.
Any suggestions? He is the sort that thinks he does not need help and won't consider it.
edited: I should say..I am not overwhelmed with the baby...it is the other stuff that is so upsetting, not the actual baby. DH says he is having a hard time handling everything, the baby, our toddler, everything.
I'm not sure how to approach it if he doens't think he needs help and won't consider it. Would he at least take support and advice from you? Or maybe there is someone in your lives that could 'coincidentally' call him up to see how fatherhood is going and be a resource for him? I know my stepfather sometimes played this role with my husband. I would say what the challenge is, then he would check in with him and just happen to bring up the topic and give some words of advice (because my husband had great respect for him, it usually worked well).
I was really overwhelmed with a 2yo and baby, so I can relate to your dh. I also noticed that different people have different ages that they work well with and other ages that really trigger them. It is going to be 18 years 'of this', but it is 18+ years of different 'this.' Each stage only lasts a while. Maybe that would help him.
That said, I know my mom says that a big reason she left my dad was that he was sooo critical of me during those toddler years, and I know that effected me as well. So I hope for you that you can find a way to keep him from expressing his overwhelm in that way to the kids.
I don't have great advice here, but I do want you to know you are heard. I hope others will weigh in.
Mom to 11 y.o. lawyer, 9 y.o. actor, and 4 y.o. pilot. I believe 'em on those, too!
if you go to church your pastor (priest whatever) would probably have good suggestions. not only do they themselves do counseling, they refer out for various things as well.
if not, d
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