More reminders of the abandonment - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 10-21-2011, 09:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I went to the bank yesterday and the woman there...the teller, asked me about the baby and how everything went. I told her the doctor abandoned me while I was in labor and I was left with no medical care. So guess how she responded? She got angry with me and told me she loves that doctor (it is her doctor) and how she won't believe anything anyone says about him. SHE is the one who asked and that was all I said and she should have shut up and done her job and not start in on me. 

 

On the way home, I just started crying and have been crying ever since. I just don't even want to live this life anymore. I should be able to have fun and enjoy my newborn, but instead, this is what I am doing. I hate life. I hope that OB gets punished for what he has done.

 

 

 

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#2 of 10 Old 10-21-2011, 11:02 AM
 
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#3 of 10 Old 10-21-2011, 11:12 AM
 
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That sucks. Hopefully her labor wont go poorly because of him. Have you had a conversation with DH yet about getting some help with this issue, or being able to talk to someone about the PPD? Im wondering about you. I hope everything gets better and you can fnd someone to talk to about it. You can always call 1888-PPD-HOPE if you need someone to talk to after things like this happen. hug.gif

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#4 of 10 Old 10-21-2011, 12:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I actually hope the same thing happens to her. I know I sound horrible to say this. But I already know of other women who gave birth in the car or at home because he would not admit them to the hospital. I don't know them personally, but they were on the ICAN message board I was on. They don't seem even the slightest miffed that he did not admit them in time. Other women have told stories of not being able to get admitted and having to stay in hotel next to hospital so they could labor in private and were too far in to labor to go home, but he would not admit them.
 

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Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama View Post

That sucks. Hopefully her labor wont go poorly because of him. Have you had a conversation with DH yet about getting some help with this issue, or being able to talk to someone about the PPD? Im wondering about you. I hope everything gets better and you can fnd someone to talk to about it. You can always call 1888-PPD-HOPE if you need someone to talk to after things like this happen. hug.gif


 

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#5 of 10 Old 10-21-2011, 01:29 PM
 
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Hi Lisa.  I am sorry that you had this encounter and that it was so upsetting to you.  PPD can make it so hard to leave the house, and situations like this must compound it.

 

I second Adaline's suggestion to call that 888 number.  It can't hurt, right?

 

I have read other posts of yours and responded in the past.  It occurs to me today to ask (and I'm sorry if I've missed it in your other posts) whether you have experienced abandonment previously by a primary caregiver or partner.  Your physician's actions, while inexcusable, seem to have a really longstanding and heartbreaking hold on you.  I wonder whether it brings up issues for you that, while unrelated in a direct sense, are still haunting you.  Obviously, you don't need to answer this question on this forum, but I thought I would mention it for your own processing.

 

My therapist always encouraged me to look a little deeper into situations that just wouldn't "let me go."  I am not by any means trying to minimize your pregnancy/birth trauma, but did want to offer the advice that was given to me.

 

Hang in there.  I hope that you will continue reaching out until you get some relief.  I am worried about you and your child, especially from your comment about not wanting to live this life anymore.  Please, please get some help IRL. 

 

ETA typo.


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#6 of 10 Old 10-21-2011, 05:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This was my 14th pregnancy. I had one baby born premature who died, one baby born still, five miscarriages, and one ectopic pregnancy. I am 41 years old. This was my last chance at having a baby really. Plus, I was going for a vbac. I was driving an hour away for a doctor who supposedly specialized in vbacs. But this was not the first time he dropped the ball in my care. My last csect had horrible complications where I almost died. In fact, I found out that with the complications I had, there was a 10% survival rate. I lived of course. But really did not want a repeat. I wanted to be given the chance to give birth to my own baby. I am capable. I have done it before. But then I had a series of doctors who just would not do vbacs. Seriously...those doctors claimed they would, but when it came time for the birth, did something to pull out the rug from under me. One claimed I had previa when I did not, another simply decided no more vbacs...no vbac for me, and demanded a csect at 36 weeks. Then threatened to call CPS on me if I did not consent. You get the idea. 

 

The pain from the labor was soo horrible. I was very nice to that doctor and swallowed the junk I had to put up with to be going there, some of which would be classified as abusive. When he would go out of town, he would not leave doctors on call. So if I had a problem, I was on my own. Twice I had to go to the ER for problems he should have treated in his office (UTI). He even denied me testing I asked for for things I was concerned about, like the glucose tolerance test for gestational diabetes (I am in a high risk catagory because I am 41 yrs old, overweight, and have PCOS).  He did not even check my blood pressure or weight or urine for the last two weeks prior to the birth of the baby. AND, I ended up having blood pressure problems after the birth as well as the baby was very big compared to my others so it was suggested I had undiagnosed gestational diabetes. Then, I think what really drove it all home, is when I posted about what happened on the ican board, I was attacked and basically told this was my own fault by a few people. Then I was put on moderate. I was told I was on moderate for saying that ICAN endorsed specific doctors, only I never said that. I was put on moderate right after I complained about him when the moderator was a patient of that doctor who loved him (I think, not positive, but someone else on the group told me that and most people on that group go to him so it makes sense).  So, not only was I abandoned by him, but then I was attacked by other people from a group that was supposed to be a support group for csect and vbacs. It was very traumatic to be stuck worry my baby could die and being abandoned like that. Plus, what he did was illegal. So now he is claiming he was here and told me personally to come in. And there was something where it was an attack on my husband....that some of this was my husband's doing, when it was not.  
 

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Originally Posted by caedenmomma View Post

Hi Lisa.  I am sorry that you had this encounter and that it was so upsetting to you.  PPD can make it so hard to leave the house, and situations like this must compound it.

 

I second Adaline's suggestion to call that 888 number.  It can't hurt, right?

 

I have read other posts of yours and responded in the past.  It occurs to me today to ask (and I'm sorry if I've missed it in your other posts) whether you have experienced abandonment previously by a primary caregiver or partner.  Your physician's actions, while inexcusable, seem to have a really longstanding and heartbreaking hold on you.  I wonder whether it brings up issues for you that, while unrelated in a direct sense, are still haunting you.  Obviously, you don't need to answer this question on this forum, but I thought I would mention it for your own processing.

 

My therapist always encouraged me to look a little deeper into situations that just wouldn't "let me go."  I am not by any means trying to minimize your pregnancy/birth trauma, but did want to offer the advice that was given to me.

 

Hang in there.  I hope that you will continue reaching out until you get some relief.  I am worried about you and your child, especially from your comment about not wanting to live this life anymore.  Please, please get some help IRL. 

 

ETA typo.



 

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#7 of 10 Old 10-21-2011, 07:08 PM
 
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#8 of 10 Old 10-21-2011, 07:44 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow_mandala View Post

Also, I'm confused at a PP's comment about the doctor's "really longstanding" hold on you--your baby is less than a month old, right?  This experience is still very recent!

Whoops, I am sorry...I thought the child was a year and a half or something close to that (am I thinking of another of her children?). 

 

Of course OP should use this forum and anything/everything else to share her feelings and get support.  I did not mean to imply otherwise.

 

In any case, I apologize and will bow out of further comment for this mom.
 

 


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#9 of 10 Old 10-21-2011, 08:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by caedenmomma View Post

Whoops, I am sorry...I thought the child was a year and a half or something close to that (am I thinking of another of her children?). 

 

Of course OP should use this forum and anything/everything else to share her feelings and get support.  I did not mean to imply otherwise.

 

In any case, I apologize and will bow out of further comment for this mom. 

 



You don't need to bow out. I appreciate your help. The baby is less than a month old. She will be 4 weeks old tomorrow night.

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#10 of 10 Old 10-22-2011, 09:03 AM
 
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Hugs Lisa.... You are in my thoughts and prayers... I think of you often.


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