I cry constantly. I'm at work and i might start crying maybe 2 or three times just thinking about things. is this PPD?
When I had DS back in September, I had a lot of people (family, my dr.s, lactation specialists, etc) looking for any signs of PPD because I have a mood disorder and have had serious problems with depression in the past. The crying has been a constant since DS was born, and just about anything can set me off, but particularly thoughts about babies, motherhood, and especially my son. It's not sad crying or frustrated crying, in fact sometimes i feel so overwhelmed with love and thankfulness for my precious LO i start. I hide it because I'm embarrassed, and because I don't want my son to be taken away from me. I love him and meet his needs without any problems, he's a happy, healthy baby, but i'm worried there's some weird, underlying problem to this, or that, because of my history, people will see me as unfit. after hearing my diagnosis in the hospital the case worker actually called CPS on me and had a worker come to my house to check on my son. At first he said he couldn't reveal who called, but he let it slip in the way he was explaining things to me. It makes me very uncomfortable and I have to constantly be shifting my thoughts to other things or mentally soothing myself.
In the beginning I had some serious breastfeeding issues. I tried so hard, but the stress fried my nerves. My son wouldn't latch in the hospital. I have tiny, flat nipples and gigantic areolas and nursing was difficult. I got a lot of support from my OB's office and lactation specialists at the hospital and at WIC, but my mother wasn't really supportive (jealousy perhaps, but that's a whole other story for another thread.) I also had a very slow flow and even pumping and nursing every 2 hours couldn't get my production where it needed to be. All that stress made it really hard to bond with my son in the beginning because even though I felt so much love for him, I resented him for the dread that came with knowing i had to feed him again. Finally i gave up, and after the guilt passed I feel like we have an awesome bond. My son LOVES me. If i smile at him his body goes soft and he falls asleep smiling most of the time. I love feeling him against me, in my arms, or even just near me.
So if I'm not having bonding problems but there's all this constant crying, can this be PPD?
Does anyone know what might be causing this?
mama to (09/11)
I can't say whether or not you have PPD. From what you say, it seems like the crying is a joyful one and you are overwhelmed with love, which is precious and amazing, hold on to that! I am sorry to hear that you feel your competence as a mother is being questioned. I have felt like that, though I do not have the same history as you, I am a recovering addict and have had depression. After the birth of my son, I started going in and out of depression and decided to go see a therapist again. It was the best thing I could have done!! Not only does it help me with moods but also with the concerns of what others think, expressing fears, etc.
Also for the record it is generally very hard to have your child taken from you. I have had the same concerns and was assured by my therapist that it is really a tough thing to do. She has other clients who are doing drugs, etc in front of the kids and they still don't take their kids. So, it may be something that won't actually happen.
~Mama of a sweet baby boy 8/26/2010~
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