The sh*t hit the fan - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 6 Old 05-31-2012, 11:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Im typing on my phone so bear with my typing. Where to start? I'm so exhausted. I literally feel fine when I'm not exhausted but I've had 3-5 hours of sleep most nights gor weeks. I get dizzy spells and my eyes feel heavy and swollen most of the time. I've had two kids in two years. My dd1 was a handful barely slept had reflux noise sensitivity and on and on. Her birth was a homebirth transfer to c section. We moved three times during my pregnancy with my son...coast to coast, driving. We have to move again the end of June as our current place is temp. My son was another homebirth attempt -a vbac with hospital transfer after crowning for six hours while I pushed. 10 lbs 9 oz and for eps, third degree tear, rectal, bladder and urethra prolapses that nearly come out of me... Now my son has reflux that rid not respond to drugs ...we'll let's say they didn't help my daughter and he has silent reflex does not usually throw ip but vomited profusely each time I gave him some. So we do slippery elm gruel, aloe Vera juice and probiotics. It dies control it somewhat after trying severe elimination diets with both kids for months and seeing osteopaths and naturopaths and peds. I have resigned myself to this. In short no "helpful" ideas for reflux etc. I have tried everything. I am so so so tired. The PTSD symptoms come back when I am this tired ...inability to sleep, hyper vigilance, sense of impending doom, panic attacks... No flash backs they went away mostly for good after I did emdr. I ask for help s lot and do have some here and there it gets me through. We are strapped from all. The moves Dh works 6 days per week till six or later though he does cook most meals and do lots of housework. I often have a babe that if he leans back in the slightest he screams a high pitched pain almost in human scre I often hold him most of the day my toddler ends up watching way too much tv. I need sleep, once that is dealt with maybe I ca. Address other things. Tot doesn't really nap. I do eat right take supps exercise well 3.4 km walk most days, yoga, Pilates I wanted to work out too but I'm way took swamped.
I've also needed melatonin to sleep most night since dd was born... Not do much physically but mentally to get ahead of the spinning mind and I have had do many legit reasons to have a busy mind but still. How do you cope? Without harming your health? My son is 4.5 months but dd didn't get much better until almost 2 she's 27 mo now
I have all the pod symptoms necessary for a diagnosis when I'm this tired. I cantvr en ask for advice properly. Please help I don't want to end up in the er

crochetsmilie.gif       placenta.gif encapsulated my placenta!   toddler.gif        blogging.jpg          lactivist.gif       familybed1.gif    pos.gif Jan 2012 and planning a hbac.gif!!
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#2 of 6 Old 05-31-2012, 11:50 AM
 
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oh, hugs to you. I have no advice but hope you get some great help here- just read your post and had to answer with some sympathy. hang in there. sorry I have no advice or help to offer but I hope someone does and I am sending you strength and hope to get through these challenges.

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#3 of 6 Old 05-31-2012, 12:54 PM
 
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Oh, my. You poor woman. I am so, so sad for you. It must be hell.  I truly hope you can get some support. It sounds like the #1 priorities right now are sleep, any possible way you can get it, and getting to a mental health professional who can diagnose you and get you the help you need.  If those things don't happen I too am concerned you'll end up in the ER. 

 

Big, big hugs for you. 

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#4 of 6 Old 06-02-2012, 10:01 PM
 
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Put everything you can forgo on hold. You are in survival mode right now. Strip everything to the basics and do only what is truly needed. Anything that gets in the way of that and is not necessary, get rid of it. You say your daughter watches too much TV for now.  That is okay. It is what you need to do now to get through the day. Cross that out of your worry list.

 

Can you do trades with another mother for your 2.5 year old? I found, for me, watching two kids (my kid plus his friend) was easier in some ways because they have a playmate. Also, it will mean you will get a break from your DD when she is at her friend,s home, you know what I mean? If you have a mom friend that you feel comfortable with to do babysitting exchange, that may help. Just putting it out there as an idea. 

 

How is your home? I ask this because when I am mentally maxed, a messy cluttered home gets to me and further adds to the chaos in my mind. Makes me more anxious, more exhausted, more depressed.  So, when it becomes difficult to control my mind, I start by trying to control my surroundings. This comes in the form of just getting rid of crap. Having my home near empty means less messy, less disorder, less stuff for kids to throw around and less stuff for me to trip over and worry about cleaning up. So I chuck everything out. Again, I am just putting this out there just in case you have the energy to do this or your DH to do this and. if you thought this would be helpful in your situation.  We are all so different. 

 

Drop all your standards... let go of any sense of performance anxiety you may have.  You may not be the best version of yourself right now but you sure are doing the best you can under your current situation.  You need to give yourself a chance to recover. 

 

I am just throwing all this stuff out there hoping you will find something helpful in it.

 

Here is wishing you sleep soon!

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#5 of 6 Old 06-02-2012, 10:26 PM
 
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Love and peace to you. Feeling for you and your situation.


Jean, feminist mama raising three boys: W (7), E (5) and L (2.15.13)

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#6 of 6 Old 08-05-2012, 09:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm getting slightly more sleep now, ds is doign a bit better despite cutting his first tooth!

 

I'm realizing that maybe the sleep deprivation triggered it, but I have some problems...I have ppd/ppa on good days when i am rested and maybe get some time tomyself and screaming is not too much (ha!) i feel almost normal...but I'm always on edge, if I'm honest I have been sinc eI got pregnant with dd1...it got a bit better when she calmed down aroudn a year old and then I got pregnant and we moved again and again and again. But I'm finally realizing that maybe uncontrollable snapping at people including strangers, extreme irritability and sort of chronic pms type stymptoms may actually be how I manifest ppd. Maybe wanting to crawl out of my own skin and scrape my fingernails ona  chalk board just to distract myself when my son cries *is* anxiety...maybe I should really take another look at why I have to take skullcap, or magnesium or melatonin every single night or my mind races and keeps me awake. Maybe I've been living with a lot of stuff I shouldn;t be. Maybe sleep helps a hell of a lot, but I ain't going to be gettign a lot with a 2.5 yo and 6.5 mo sooo yeahh...even though money is very tight I am biting  the bullet and seeing a new therpist (i've tried several and just kind of gave up when they told me I didnt have ppd cause I was still showering, or that I had to go on meds and wean but they wouldnt even discuss why I was having flashbacks) this friday. Apparently she used to be a mdiwife or something...I feel like I ahve such a backlog of anger and despair and grief and fear even from my daughter's traumatic birth and now a bit more on top of it from the vbac that was excruciating and left me withmultiple prolapses to deal with and reccomendations not to have more children.

 

Does anyone know about men and ppd? My dh...seems weirdly detatched from our son, like he just cant open up to him after all we went through with dd....goodness I could really write a book about all this.

 

Trying to look into same-e and st. john's wort for some more oomph to help my mood but nothign conclusive about them being safe and stuff abotu them probably not being safe and I just do not feel good about medication right now going into my baby...I dont judge others at all but I cant grapple with it, same reason I did not give my son prevacid because I was more scared of the side effects and logn term health problems possibility in such a small baby than living with that hell.


crochetsmilie.gif       placenta.gif encapsulated my placenta!   toddler.gif        blogging.jpg          lactivist.gif       familybed1.gif    pos.gif Jan 2012 and planning a hbac.gif!!
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