anger towards dh who doesnt deserve it all!! :( - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 6 Old 08-12-2012, 04:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So my DD is 3 months and ever since she was born I've felt SO MUCH anger and rage at various times on a daily basis. There will be no cause, no incident to upset me but I'd just feel the strongest rage boil up inside of me for no reason. I mean, in the middle of the night right when I wake it's been there; i feel it frequently towards inanimate objects; I cuss in my mind at the blender, the phone, ect. And what's worse is that usually I never cuss, I'm a very laid back jovial person. I had no idea what was going on or why I felt this way and i just thought i was turning into a horrible person, until I saw something about ppd that said a symptom can be anger and irritation. I always thought ppd meant sadness and that's not been an abnormal level for me so since I wasn't sad I didn't look more into it.
Well in the last month, all this anger, rage and irritability has now been mostly with my husband! He drives me crazy! Its so sad though and I'm ridden with guilt bc most of the time he does nothing. And if he does do something wrong (as all imperfect humans sometimes do) the level of anger and annoyance is 1000% more than it should be! Honestly sometimes he will do nothing but walk into the room and I feel like I hate him. I feel so awful admitting that! I know that my attitude towards him is 90% of the time irrational but its wearing me down and of course its hurting him too! greensad.gif I love him so much and am used to being best friends with him but lately I'm only happy around him about 10% of the time.
I know not getting enough sleep makes it worse but sometimes I get enough and I still feel all this horrible rage towards him! Like I said, usually its irrational but sometimes I question if I'd have less anger if he took care of DD more...?? That does contribute to it. He works a job that he hates in order to provide for us and does all the cooking, all the errands, and most cleaning and he never complains and is virtually a saint. But he's really bad when it comes to caring for DD. He's never been around babies so he constantly says he doesn't know what to do, she likes me more, ect but I would just love a break (maybe even 30-60mins) from being her 24hr caregiver. She is a HIGH NEEDS BABY, let me tell you. But He never initiates holding her and honestly in this ppd madness that makes me even more angry. But I'm mostly writing this post bc like I said 90% of the time I feel anger/hate towards him for just breathing. It makes me cry just thinking about it! greensad.gif
I could write and write about this so I'm going to stop here. I'm looking for advice, support, ppl who've been there ect. I'm really hating myself for hating him so much. I'm shocked at the level of negative feelings I can have towards him. greensad.gif we CANNOT AFFORD any counseling or anything otherwise I would have already gone. Please tell me how I can cope with this... I'm afraid of the effects this is having on our marriage.

Wife to dh_malesling.GIF ; Mama to A (M/C at 16wks 2011) angel1.gif and love-of-my-life DD M (BORN May 2012) luxlove.gif and S (M/C at 7wks June 2013) angel1.gif and rainbow1284.gif Rainbow Baby due in April 2014 3rdtri.gifjoy.gif
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#2 of 6 Old 08-12-2012, 09:12 PM
 
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I have been in this same situation.  I called Postpartum Support International and the lady that answered talked to me for 2 hours!  She convinced me to go see a GP.  

Please call their number on the top of the forum.  It does not have to be like this.

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#3 of 6 Old 08-13-2012, 10:49 AM
 
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Also, even if he doesn't initiate taking care of the baby, you might just have to dump the baby on him. Feed her and make sure she's changed and happy, etc. Then tell him you're doing the dishes and hand him the child. If he says he doesn't know what to do with her, say, "Learn by doing!"

 

I hate doing the dishes, but when my son was a newborn, I liked doing them because it was a few minutes of non-baby-holding time.

 

Make sure, when you hand him the baby, not to micromanage his interactions with her. "Learning by doing" is awesome, but not if someone's picking at you.

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#4 of 6 Old 08-15-2012, 01:24 AM
 
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I just want to tell you you're not alone. It's awful, I know. I am 6 months post partum and mine seems worse now then it was earlier. I hold the anger inside and feel eaten alive by it. Our husbands sound very similar. I've decided to seek therapy because I feel like I just need to talk with someone and unload.
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#5 of 6 Old 08-16-2012, 02:40 PM
 
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Have you had your thyroid checked  It's really not uncommon for women to have low thyroid after giving birth. If that's the case with you, than your symptoms should clear up soon after going on thyroid meds.I had the most intense and irrational anger toward my three-year-old daughter shortly after my son was born. Like you, I knew this wasn't my personality at all, and I had never felt angry toward her at all, so I was relieved to find out that it was mostly due to a thyroid disorder.  

For me, eating lots of fruits and vegetables, avoiding stimulants, sugar and wheat, have also helped along with the meds.  Also, taking the meds on an empty stomach at the exact same time was really important for me. 

Good luck to you

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#6 of 6 Old 08-17-2012, 08:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone. I've found getting more sleep helps and I had a big talk with dh and he's done a 180 in caring for DD. smile.gif he takes her on his lunch break and for as long as I want at night. I've told him how much I appreciate it. Though it is occuring less often, the moods are still up and down, very similar to pms, and so I'm trying to get more help from wherever I can. Thank you for taking the time to write!

Wife to dh_malesling.GIF ; Mama to A (M/C at 16wks 2011) angel1.gif and love-of-my-life DD M (BORN May 2012) luxlove.gif and S (M/C at 7wks June 2013) angel1.gif and rainbow1284.gif Rainbow Baby due in April 2014 3rdtri.gifjoy.gif
h20homebirth.gifnovaxnocirc.giffly-by-nursing1.giffamilybed1.gif
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