Mothering Forums

Mothering Forums (http://www.mothering.com/forum/)
-   Postpartum Depression (http://www.mothering.com/forum/28-postpartum-depression/)
-   -   I feel like a failure. (http://www.mothering.com/forum/28-postpartum-depression/1374062-i-feel-like-failure.html)

courtneym89 02-06-2013 01:49 PM

I feel like a complete failure right now. I feel like a failure as a mother. I feel like a failure as a wife. I feel like a failure as a person. I feel like I can't treat my children the way they should be treated. Don't get me wrong I love my children with all my heart but all they see me do is yell and scream 24/7 because I get so angered over everything. My daughter is 2 and my son is 4 months, most of my issues lie with my 2yr old. She is defiant in so many ways, I am sure this is normal as she is only 2yrs old. But I can't take it anymore. I am tired of constantly yelling at her to not do things or put things back where she got them from and of course she doesn't.

 

I am sorry for rambling on and on but i have no where else to vent. I can't join any facebook pages about postpartum depression because my husband fears if I post on a page or like a page his family will see and a huge mess or fight will start.


sarafi 02-07-2013 05:52 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by courtneym89 View Post

I feel like a complete failure right now. I feel like a failure as a mother. I feel like a failure as a wife. I feel like a failure as a person. I feel like I can't treat my children the way they should be treated. Don't get me wrong I love my children with all my heart but all they see me do is yell and scream 24/7 because I get so angered over everything. My daughter is 2 and my son is 4 months, most of my issues lie with my 2yr old. She is defiant in so many ways, I am sure this is normal as she is only 2yrs old. But I can't take it anymore. I am tired of constantly yelling at her to not do things or put things back where she got them from and of course she doesn't.

 

I am sorry for rambling on and on but i have no where else to vent. I can't join any facebook pages about postpartum depression because my husband fears if I post on a page or like a page his family will see and a huge mess or fight will start.

Oh, you sound very overwhelmed. Two year olds are famous for "the no's", and you have a wee baby--that's a lot for anyone.

 

I don't know what your partner feels about this situation, so I don't know if he would be willing to help with any of the things you are clashing with your daughter over. It really could be that he thinks you are doing a great job, you may be being harder on yourself than anyone else would be. Or he could also be stressed and venting, and not intending to aim his comments at you. Talk to him, and let him know you need a little help.

 

What if you just took a week, or even two weeks "off"? Just don't engage in any of the fights, my guess is they are fairly predictable.

 

Feed her what she usually likes to eat or help her make something she wants to try. Let your partner brush her teeth, and bath her (or bath her less often) and let him know that you need a bit to "re-set" your relationship with her. None of my kids have never had a cavity, and I honestly didn't brush #3's teeth for three weeks once because we were staying alone and I thought I would lose it if I had to have that fight every.single.night.and.morning. My kids don't eat much sugar and only drink water, so I just handed him the brush and left the room--that was the best I could at that time as I was in crisis mode--and I knew it was temporary. We all made it through without too much yelling.

 

If your DD won't put things back, pack them up while she's sleeping and take away one more fight. Don't make a big deal of it--just remove the problem. Two year olds can have a lot of tenacity and are pretty good at pushing our buttons, and if something is making the Mama crazy it disappears in my house  (even my old kids rarely notice the loss)--life it too short to fight all day about things, especially if they are kid things that are clearly not being valued. A lot of the time our kids (and us) just have way too much stuff to be able to put it all back, maybe just leave  five favorite toys out, and the rest can live where ever you can stash them for a while.

 

My eldest gave up daily naps and her crib at just under two (she was climbing out). Holy G-d, it was a tough week. My rule was you can play in your room instead of sleeping, but you may not come out and whine at me. She was a wreck, and started to nap every three days or so on the couch--but I can guarantee I would have gone clinically insane if I had tried to make her nap everyday--when she didn't really need to do so. I still miss nap times, though. All that said, maybe even back off a rigid nap-schedule if you have one for a little while. She may need less sleep than she did even a month ago, and that can make getting them down so very hard to do. Maybe have a "listen to music on the couch" while mom feed the baby time instead and see if that helps anything.

 

Anyway, this was rambling. Really just want you to know that I think it's okay to slack off, regroup, or go to basics for a while when what is happening isn't working for you. Growing up it hard on us all, right?



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:05 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Resources saved on this page: MySQL 7.14%
vBulletin Optimisation provided by vB Optimise (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2014 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2014 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.