Has anyone here ever suffered from PP OCD?
I will just open up with this...
I have very close family members who are extremely mentally ill. The idea of mental illness terrifies me. So when I was about 6-7 months pregnant with DS (who is now 9 mos) and had invasive thoughts, I squashed them (my ability to talk myself through them makes me think that I have/had a very mild case of PPOCD). I agonized a bit over whether I was a bad person or not. It was a dark, horrible time. I remember having such awful, terrible, horrific invasive thoughts that were nothing like the person I thought I was. I was single, living alone with a two year old, unemployed and financially unstable, and a full time student. The stress was horrible. My ex (who I am now working things out with) was just... gone. He is a recovering addict but was in full blown addiction at that time. Anyway, I just kept truckin', hoping either things would get better or I'd learn to cope.
I stumbled on a thread about PP OCD one night and it was like a prayer answered. I broke down in tears and suddenly it made sense - it wasn't me! I'm not an evil person. I'm not a bad person. These thoughts weren't my own. I also wasn't schizophrenic, like I worried. With that knowledge alone, I've been overcoming things slowly. I haven't gotten the guts to call about low income counseling. I know I need to because once in a while, I will have an invasive thought that just makes me cringe and reminds me of such a painful time (usually when I'm extremely stressed out).
I just wanted to know if any other mama's here had any experiences with this, or if they are seeing something else in this post I should look into. I am much, much better than I was six months ago and feel like I can be okay without outside help, but at the same time... I think I want a therapist. I'm just not very sure on how to approach that. I feel like a wimp, weakling, sissy everytime I try to reach out for professional help.
I've admitted this to two close friends and my mom, but I've never divulged details. I've never heard a voice telling me what to do, or anything like that.
Agh, I feel so dumb posting this but... maybe I'll get some support..
Posting to bump your thread . . . and give you a virtual hug.
Hopefully people with more experience will post soon. All I know is it takes a lot of bravery to ask for help when you need it. I hope you find a good therapist who helps you feel like they are supporting what you need. This is not handing yourself over into someone else's control, but seeking professional support to help you feel how you want to feel and live how you want to live.
Sending lots of good wishes!
Me!!! I suffered through terrible, horrible invasive thoughts. They ranged from being schizophrenic, doing horrible things to my kids, fearing I could have hurt someone and not remember, to thinking that my drink was contaminated.
I found the most relief from the book call The Happiness Trap and the supplements Inositol and Sunflower Lecithin.
Mama to 5 (b17,b11,b9,g6,b4)
Our Final Addition arriving in Mid June 2014
I don't know. I just kind of accepted that if it ends up that I am schizophrenic (which I doubt, when I'm being rational, but when I worry I can become very hypochondriac-like and point out a million reasons I probably am) there is nothing I can do to change that, and I will just cope. I love my family member who is severely mentally ill with all of my heart. It breaks my heart when she is zoned out on meds or not feeling great.
I also throw myself into my life instead of agonizing over mental illness (especially with the invasive thoughts). I mentally say, "STOP. This is not you. You are not a bad person. Now move on." and it WORKS - it took a few weeks because I thought it would NOT work, but it does. Amazingly.
I also talk about it a bit with my partner. He's not very supportive because he's dealing with his own issues and I think, honestly, he thinks that if I was unable to be the primary caretaker/breadwinner for the kids, he would not be able to handle the pressure. I hope that we can talk that out some more, soon, but he is going through recovery for an opiate addiction and I'm just not sure how to bring up my own issues which are abstract when his are so concrete and current.
That's me, definitely.
Hugs, mama. I'm so glad you found what works for you. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, ever.
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