dads get ppd too - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 7 Old 10-29-2013, 05:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The entire time i was pregnant with my twin boys my husband was ecstatic! He literally jumped for joy a few times. However when we came home from the hospital it was like i brought the wrong man home. He was irritable, frustrated wanted nothing to do with the babies.

This was so not like when we had our first. Witg our first he couldn't get enough. We were shocked at how patient he was with him. Sadly things with the twins were far different. I even remember him telling me he got mad at them for looking at him. My husband couldn't stabd to hear them cry...not because it hurt him but because it was a reminder that they were here.

I a new mom with three kids under 2 was stressed enough, i didnt understand why my husband who was a model father with our first would yell at our newborns.

It was a huge stress on our relationship. We went from being a couple that couldn't get enough of each other to me not even being able to look at him. I didnt understand what was going on. He would come home And go straight for our 18 month old. Many times he would either leave with our oldest or stay secluded in a different part of the house.

Finally he told me with tears running down his face that something was wrong. He admitted he felt nothing for our newsest littke boys. He had tried but just couldn't.

After talking for a while he said "as stupid as this sounds i think i have post partum depression, can guys even get that?"

It was a struggle but he is now "normal" and just as in love with all our angels as I. Its important to know its a disease that can effect fathers too...not just mothers. Its especially hard for men to admit especially since its not well known. Our doctor said more men experience it but stay quiet. I just hope men can speak out before it destroys relationships.
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#2 of 7 Old 10-31-2013, 06:59 PM
 
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Wow, that is so helpful to hear about! I'm not sure dads get much recognition for anything in that phase and it is such a huge adjustment for them as well.

 

Can I ask how he treated it?


 
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#3 of 7 Old 11-01-2013, 11:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Actually we are not big on meds, but do use essential oils. We would diffuse citrus bliss, he also would do some form of exercise. What we believe helped the most was some sleep as well as talking. He didnt go to therapy but talked to me and other fathers. It also helped to have him bond with the babies. I m nursing, so i would pump abd let him bottle feed, or give them a bath. Anything the babies liked because if they cried or freaked out it made it worse. It took a few months but they are 9 months old now and he cant imagine life without them. He still doesnt like to talk about the early days because it makes him feel awful. ..
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#4 of 7 Old 11-01-2013, 04:37 PM
 
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I think that is such an important story. Thanks so much for sharing it.

 

Has anyone else has their partner experience this? 

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#5 of 7 Old 11-01-2013, 07:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I think storries like this need to get out. Once he knew he wasnt alone he was able to start healing. Men need to know it can happen to them nd not to be ashamed about it. (Sorry i do most if my writing from my phone. The errors are driving me insane! )
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#6 of 7 Old 11-12-2013, 06:59 AM
 
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I think my husband has some form of ppd. I'm just realizing it and trying to process how I can help him realize its not just him and to get help so he won't always feel disconnected from our daughter. She's 3.5 months and our first child. This is putting a huge strain on our marriage but knowing there might be something we can fix is giving me some hope.
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#7 of 7 Old 11-16-2013, 08:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I would encourage him to look up things such as male ppd. That was what really opened my husband's eyes. Also get out of the house as much as possible. Try to spend time alone with him. It also might help to have him spend one on one time with your daughter however it is very important that your daughter is happy when they spend time together or it could make things worse. It helped my husband to talk to other fathers as well. Just try your best to have an unjudging supportive conversation regularly. It can be very hard but do your best. If you or he need any help we would be more than willing to do what we can. I am sure he would be willing to talk to him if needed.
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