Should I talk to my kids about PPD? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 2 Old 03-13-2014, 11:24 PM - Thread Starter
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I homeschool my kids...I have seven now...and they range in age from almost twelve on down to the three month old baby.  I used to be a RoboMom that could happily pack up six kids and spend the entire day doing field trips and errands and fun stuff.  But halfway through this last pregnancy, I hit a wall.


It all started when my "friend" became my ex-friend because our dog (that we had had for two years) is half pit.  Totally out of the blue.  Her sons were best friends with my sons.  So our summer was pretty much ruined at that point.  That and we had just found out that we were having another girl...when my husband really really wanted another boy.  (mum06 should be changed to mum09 because I count my two stepdaughters).  And then right after that, my husband went on a budget kick and we couldn't spend any money that wasn't budgeted...and that meant no driving that wasn't necessary and no fun trips anywhere.  I felt SO isolated.  I AM so isolated.  I live in the middle of the woods in the middle of nowhere.


By my last trimester I was a wreck (anxiety, depression, sleepless, no appetite) and my midwife put me on 5-HTP.


We had a beautiful homebirth and my baby is precious, of course.  Because of my well-loved anatomy, I can't latch a newborn. I pump and bottle feed.  But this baby is high energy, needs to be carried but NOT in a carrier, and has the worst reflux and dairy, egg, and soy sensitivity.  (Was I depressed because she was high needs? Or did she become high needs because of the depression?) Between her, my mischievous 20 month old, and my almost 4yo boy who should be ODD, I have nothing left to give my other kids.  They have gotten very good at taking care of themselves and each other.


I know I have severe PPD.  My husband doesn't really believe in PPD.  He thinks I should snap out of it for the sake of the kids who are stuck at home with me.  I tried to talk to him about PPD, but I don't think he took me seriously.  I had a terrible episode over the weekend, right in front of them...screaming, swearing, throwing the baby's bottle...  The kids think dad is just being mean and I'm just really tired because the baby is always spitting up all over me. 


I'm not who I was.  I don't find joy in the things that used to bring me happiness.  I've withdrawn from public.  I used to love homeschooling and spending time with these guys and now I just want to send them ALL away, even the babies.  And especially my husband.  I don't want to scare them by telling them there is something wrong with me.  But there is.  So should I talk to at least the older kids?  They are 11, 10, 8, and almost 6.

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#2 of 2 Old 03-14-2014, 04:38 AM
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I'm so sorry you are going through this. I wish I had some great advice for you but the truth is I just came to this forum looking for some for myself. I have three kids and I homeschool. Two of them are infant twins though. I have talked to my seven year old dd about how mommy "doesn't feel well". I don't think she really understands in terms of depression/mental health but I hope it was reassuring to her that I love her and I'm not acting like this because of anything she's done. 

So, yes I think you should talk to them but you don't have to explain anything you don't want to.

I know you said you are in the middle of nowhere but are there any other homeschoolers around. Maybe someone with an older daughter could give you a little relief as a mother's helper or something? 

Please be kind to yourself. You are dealing with A LOT. {{HUGS}}

mama to three little ladies
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