Will it get better? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 2 Old 06-03-2014, 08:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Will it get better?

Hello,

I just had my baby 2 1/2 weeks ago. Since then I've been suffering from what I think is severe post partum depression and I don't know what to do. I feel completely detached from the baby, like there is no way I am his mother. I don't like holding him. When I'm feeling especially bad I can't even look at him without feeling sick. I get really bad anxiety attacks where I beg my husband to let me put him up for adoption. It's so horrible, I am embarrassed to write this. I feel like I will always feel bad and won't ever be abel to take care of him myself. I barely have an appetite and have lost my pregnant weight very quickly (already almost back to my original weight). My husband has been the main caregiver as he's been home, but will go back to work soon. I am petrified of taking care of the baby myself, and I don't think I can do it without having a nervous breakdown. I've reached out a lot for help- but so far nothing is getting better. I went ot the ER twice and they could only suggest 5 day inpatient which I didn't want to do. I've been to 2 therapists, the one that was pretty decent isnt' covered by insurance so I can't afford to go back. The best thing was that I went to my OB and she prescribed a low dose of Zoloft. I've been taking it just under a week and don't feel better at all. She said it will take at least a couple weeks, but I don't feel like it will help.. and how do I cope until then? Is it possible that this is just me and not a depression? That I just never should have had a baby and I will always feel like this? What If I just wasn't meant to be a parent?
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#2 of 2 Old 06-03-2014, 10:10 AM
 
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First off, HUGE hugs, hugs every day. Hugs to you, your husband and your baby.
It WILL get better.
Depression and anxiety are terrible beasts ,you are meant to be a parent and have that baby. They are so scary, and looking into that pit and not seeing any light is terrifying. But there is light, and you will come out the other side and be so much better for it.
I'm so proud of you for reaching out for help, it is so hard to do. Is there a support group in your area you could look into? google "post partum support *city you live in*"
Zoloft does take a couple weeks to work, and you maybe need the dose increased a bit. Did you tell your OB about the anxiety attacks as well? you might need some ativan to help with that.
I would also suggest finding a therapist near you to get some coping mechanisms.
Is there a family member near that could come and help until you get yourself back a little bit? Or you could post on craigslist for a mother helper, or even post in the "tribe" section here.
Take a deep breath, every day is a victory. IT WILL GET BETTER. I will hold you and yours in my heart every day.
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