Wife has changed personality dramatically overnight - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 2 Old 08-03-2014, 02:14 PM - Thread Starter
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Wife has changed personality dramatically overnight

I'm really worried that my wife may have had or does have PND or some other depression - and is medicating with drink and cocaine at weekends.

I've NEVER used drugs. We have a 21 month old son (our first and planned) and bought our dream home nine months ago. We are the most tactile couple in public and all people tell me is that she is always talking about how much she loves me.

We're everbody's perfect couple, ultra happy and she started divorce proceedings overnight a few months ago and has rewritten history, didn't want to get married eight years ago, hasn't 'fancied' me for seven years, doesn't want sex with me (that side of things has always been great on both sides) and that I have been controlling her through our whole 11-year relationship - which is ridiculous.

And, no, there isn't anybody else in the picture - although, we are still living together and she is out looking for her 'special love' every weekend.

She is 35 and this has been going on since January when our boy was 15 months old.

We had 14 people round Christmas Day and she was talking about having another baby (no pressure from me always her decision if it happened). Two nights later we are at a club and a guy I know (very drunk) said he thought they might have gone out in the past. She stormed off and said "it's too late, I'm married". Then she's trying to meet up on FB, but he didn't want to know. She knows his partner and they have kids - it goes against every one of her morals.

Previously to this she has been the most loyal wife and tells people where to go, pointing at her wedding ring if they try to chat her up.

But this time she told me it made her realise she has never loved me enough, that she deserves to find her special love and he was someone she had a crush on at 19 - WHAT!!!!!!!

I found out a few weeks after these revelations that she has been doing coke when she is out drinking until 3am in the morning - and she is a big drinker on a night out.Five weeks before all of this happened I got two birthday cards - one with a pic of me and the boy on the front to the 'Greatest Dad Ever' and another to 'My beautiful, amazing, gorgeous husband. I love you so much and thanks for making my life so special. You
are such a great dad to **** it makes me love you even more'.

Now she refers to me on FB in her constant rants as a p***k or ugly, fat (I'm 11 stone at the moment), big-nosed c***

She is challenging me to get her drug tested saying she hasn't done it since she left me, as she was only doing it as she felt trapped.

I have since learned that she has dabbled in the past (despite being anti-drugs vocally as she is a fitness instructor) even before we were married and it has got worse since we have had our child. I believe she has had postnatal depression and this is how she is medicating it.

She says she isn't doing it, but two weekends ago she went out on a 12-hour bender on a Saturday and I saw her on Sunday morning in a right mess limping to work at 9am to teach her spin class.

At 4pm she was in the beer garden of another pub, completely OK and watching this band with a starry-eyed, almost adoring look on her face. She was then going up to everyone in the beer garden rubbing their hair and kneeling between their legs. And not for my benefit as she is emotionless towards me.

Later that evening she came to another bar I was at and one minute she was looking miserable outside the toilets, five minutes later she walks from the courtyard into the bar to push her way to the front of where a band is playing with her arms above her heard, with this weird, almost Jokerish grin on her face. Almost deranged looking.

Then she jumped up on a bench with three girls she didn't know and started dancing with and cuddling them all. Before talking to everyone in the crowd below. Then she is getting a drink at the bar and putting her arm round a complete stranger buying a drink and talking.

After she was outside pushing herself against a wall with the looney look on her face before being twirled round like a school girl.

She was having loads of intense conversations with strangers, then the next day she taught two classes in the morning after getting in at 2am, before trying to sleep on the sofa at 1pm. As she slept, her legs jumped around like electric shocks were going through them and her jaw was moving around.

The next weekend (I wasn't there) a friend told me she was spinning herself round a pole like a maniac on her own in a beer garden at 9pm one minute, then 20 minutes later her pals were consoling her like she was upset. A mate of mine who runs the club she was at later that night said she was in the toilets all night and had eyes like bowling balls, and was stroking his belly (and she never talks to him).

She is in complete denial telling me she hasn't done any drugs for three months and has got her solicitor to challenge me to hair test her. But I'm sure she must still be doing it!

She has also lost a lot of weight (at least a stone), she gets away with it on her body as she is so toned, but her face is so skinny, her cheeks have lost all their plumpness and she has aged. She went back to work in the gym six weeks after having our child, which was her decision she can't be controlled but massive mistake in hindsight as she never gave herself time to recover both physichally and mentally.

At he moment, it's like she has regressed back to when we first met 11 years ago (no drugs), but wanting to get drunk all of the time and really obsessed with local bands. And she used to do modelling pics in her teens, she went to a music festival for four days last weekend - and was being pictured posing on a car roof like some super model!

During this weekend away she never rang once or texted to check on our son - then when she comes back it is all 'I've missed you so much' etc
She is also very arrogant, thinks she is the sexiest woman on the planet and don't get me wrong she is very pretty -but now she can 'have any man that she wants' apparently!

I have ordered the drug test and will have to see what happens, but I am very worried about her as this is my beautiful wife.

Despite being stunning (and you would never know she had a baby, great figure and not one scar), she has always had self-esteem issues - she has non-tanable pale skin and puts on fake tan the same night every week, can't go down the road without straightening hair or putting on make-up. Had her eyebrows permanently tattooed and teeth whitened before all this happened!

There's also so many issues with her family, who allegedly spoilt her brother and didn't support her when she wanted to be a singer. She has accused me of fancying her friends over the years (I've never looked at anyone else), and been really funny about it. And has even been jealous of other people taking up my time.

I also don't think she ever grieved properly for her mother, who died eight years ago from a brain tumour, just as I had got them closer through our relationship, which tragically happened nine months after my mum died from the same terrible disease. Her father also had another woman within months, which I know she thinks was going on before her mum passed!

In this nightmare six months I have not been able to have one conversation with her - she is ultra aggressive and defensive and just tells me I am 'harrassing' her, 'controlling her' and, now, 'bullying her'.

Her friends are just getting her out clubbing, drinking and doing drugs and her family are so dysfunctional it is unbelievable. There is nobody I can turn to.

Something has gone really wrong with her - just hope she comes out of it before she destroys our little family for good!

Any advice/ideas?
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#2 of 2 Old 08-03-2014, 07:09 PM
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I'm so sorry that you're going through this terrible time. I think you need a lawyer and a therapist of your own. You can't make your wife speak to anyone, but you can seek support for yourself. In your situation, I think the best you can do is to protect your child and yourself.
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