Dh has depression - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 02-09-2005, 09:44 AM - Thread Starter
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My dh was diagnosed with moderate to severe depression yesterday. I want to be there for him and support him through this, but I'm already struggling myself.

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders right now. I work FT from home b/c dh is in school and my paycheck is what pays all of the bills. That on top of being a SAHM to my two little boys. We have some serious debt between school loans and credit card debt. I feel like I just don't have the time to do anything. Alex has been spending way too much time in front of the TV/computer lately. I actually feel guilty at times for stopping work to play with my kids or to admire them because that's money that I'm not making. I get paid by productivity, but since Jackson has become mobile, I've haven't been able to put in as much work time, and my paychecks are suffering. My paychecks are barely cutting it anymore. Dh has a PT job, but he took out a loan from his boss last month to help with Christmas expenses and so he's still paying it back with his work. He should be making money again soon, so maybe that will help take some of the stress off of me.

I know that there are families in much worse situations than us, and we have a light at the end of the tunnel. Dh graduates in May and already has his FT job lined up. I just have to keep things up until dh passes the BAR in July. I'm having serious doubt about my capability to do just that though. I never knew that it was going to be this hard. I don't know how to add more to my already too heavy load to deal with dh's depression.

How can I be supportive of DH and help him through his depression?

How can I help myself? I've really been feeling down and beyond stressed out for 4-6 weeks now, but since dh was diagnosed yesterday, I don't feel like I can admit that I may need help too. I just need to lighten my load and get rid of some of this stress.

Mama to ds 11, ds 7, dd 5, dd 2, and dd born on 6/17/12!

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#2 of 3 Old 02-09-2005, 04:38 PM
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My struggled silently with depression for years. About a week after we found out we were going to have twins dh depression peaked to the point of him considering suicide. I understand being in your shoes. It is so overwhelming. First, take care of yourself. It was hard for me to understand that his depression had nothing to do with me. Second, I would consider anti-depressants if you are comfortable with that. Dh and I both had mixed feelings about drugs, but it helped him over the initial rough patch. Thirdly, find him a good counsler. That can make all the difference in the world. Dh counselor helped him learn skills for coping with his depression and understanding some of what was behind it. It was a long hard road. If necessary seek out professional help for yourself and support from friends and family is great if you can have that support system. Dh only takes anti-depressents now when he gets feeling to low or overwhelmed. It is a learning process. Feel free to pm if you want to talk more.
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#3 of 3 Old 02-09-2005, 06:05 PM
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I am sorry I do not have any words of wisdom for you, but saw your post and wanted to offer my support. I am sure this is so hard for you. I applaud your ability to recognize your needs and your DH's needs. Do you have any friends or close family you could talk to? Do you have a pastor, rabbi, etc. you could get help through? Seek and you will find. Hugs and positive thoughts to you.
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