I am 21 months post partum and believe I have been suffering from mild depression or ppd since my beautiful dd was born. I suffered major anxiety over every little issue to do with my dd and was often in tears for the first few months of her life. I agonised over every decision and action - breastfeeding, vaccination, cosleeping etc and tried to do everything perfectly but instead felt like I messed everything up.
At 13 months post partum I had a breakdown and heart palpitations and was prescribed anti depressants by my GP. Not believing I needed to take them and that my situation could be solved by getting a better nights sleep (dd was a poor sleeper from birth) I never took them.
I am still feeling down more than I am up, dont feel positive about my future, experience feelings of frustration, negativity, anger and no hope. I often dont know how I am going to cope over the next few years as I find parenting one of the hardest jobs I have ever done in my life. The future seems bleak to me most of the time and I have found myself constantly yelling at my dd becuase I am so angry with my situation. We live in a remote location and have no support network here. I have been travelling up to my mums place for support so I can go shopping and see movies and try and feel like my own person again. On the outside, I have no reason to be down - I have everything I have ever wanted, yet I feel so sad and low in energy and unmotivated - even cleaning up books off the floor can seem like too much.
I am seeing a GP in a couple of days to ask again about anti depressants to see if it will help my situation. What is on the market? How long can you be on them for? Are there long term side effects? I am breastfeeding my dd once a day only in the mornings - have weaned her in anticipation for going on these.
I am interested to know what other mothers are on, and how your quality of life has improved. ALso, what are the withdrawals like? Any sites that are easy to read and offer some basic information coupled with other mothers experiences would be really helpful. I also worry about having to take a pill every day just to cope with life.