Is This Ppd? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 7 Old 10-09-2002, 01:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi! I've been struggling for a while, and have finally decided to get some help. I'm just not sure what kind of help to get. My days have gotten so lousy now that I think it's not fair to my kids to let it go on without doing something about it.

Is this PPD? I just feel totally overwhelmed with my kids. I have three kids 4 and under, and the baby is very sweet and easy, and I actually would enjoy him and be a good mother if I could only have him. This is why I am confused. If I take myself out of my completely chaotic, stressful situation, I think I would be fine. But I don't feel I can handle all that I have. My two older kids gang up on me -- they get into trouble and laught about it together, my 2 1/2 year old pees on the carpets and laughs at me, my 4 year old whines all day.

It sounds like they need more discipline, not some drugs for mom, right? But I used to be able to handle this stuff. Lately I've been feeling so 'frail' -- like the wind could knock me over. I fear taking them into public in case they misbehave and I can't handle it. I'm too weepy and angry, not clear-headed and strong enough to get creative about their disciplining problems. I yell all day long and spank once in a while, in fact, I feel angry at everyone. I don't like people, I shut off my answering machine most days because I get so crazy when the phone rings, I think "who would call me at this time of day! do they think I have free time to chat on the phone like they do?" and then I dread calling them back.

I've been feeling so emotional, I'm driving everyone around me crazy. But I'm not extremely sad or depressed, like I thought PPD was. Just mildly depressed, sort of anti-social, extremely angry and extremely crazy, on edge, and feeling like I could understand how a nervous breakdown could happen.

Does anyone have advice for me on what I'm going through and how I can feel like myself again and get a handle on my life?
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#2 of 7 Old 10-09-2002, 11:39 PM
 
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I've been feeling so emotional, I'm driving everyone around me crazy. But I'm not extremely sad or depressed, like I thought PPD was. Just mildly depressed, sort of anti-social, extremely angry and extremely crazy, on edge, and feeling like I could understand how a nervous breakdown could happen.
For me; the anger is the worst. It seems that my kids are trying to drive me nuts on purpose (short trip). Before I took Zoloft; everything set me off. I screamed at the kids constantly. I felt like no one cared about me & had no sense of humour at all.

My babe is 2 1/2 now & I still take it. (If you would like more details of my symptoms; see my other posts on this forum). I still have issues to work on. I have no family support, my husband is either always at work -or- home & beligerent (unless playing computer game). I am trying to figure out better coping mechanisms before I try to completely stop the meds. I have educated myself on what depression really is. A great book is When Words Are Not Enough: The Women's Prescription for Depression and Anxiety


I am pretty tired right now, but will check back tomorrow. Hope this helps a bit
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My two older kids gang up on me -- they get into trouble and laught about it together, my 2 1/2 year old pees on the carpets and laughs at me, my 4 year old whines all day.
BTW, my kids do this too.
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#3 of 7 Old 10-09-2002, 11:49 PM
 
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Just wanted to add...

Chapters 2-10 of this book are titled:

Why can't I shake this?

Why am I so explosive?

Why can't I just relax?

Why can't I stop worrying?

Why can't I get a good night's rest?


Does any of this sound familiar?
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#4 of 7 Old 10-10-2002, 07:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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dear gilnikche,

yes, the anger is the worst for me too! I feel angry at everyone -- my kids, my husband, my extended family for not helping me more, my friends, telemarketers!!! sometimes i think anger management classes would help me...i'm sure there are a lot of things that could help me.

it's good to hear that an anti-depressant like zoloft can help calm down anger. i really would like to be happy and at peace with everyone! not fighting all of the time. I know they say zoloft is "safe" to take while breastfeeding, but that worries me. (I'm nursing my youngest two). plus, my husband is really worried about that. i think otherwise i would already be trying it. i'm thinking about weaning for that reason, but i'm afraid that would break my heart.

I'm definately going to look for the book! and check out your other posts. i'm interested to see if your symptoms sound like mine. i think that they probably do (so far, anyway), and my doctor thinks it's PPD. It's just that there are so many issues that are confused -- like that i also have very little support (ok, my husband is supportive, but he works a LOT), i have always had an anger problem which could be my entire problem!, i have a ton of stress at home (maybe it's a nervous breakdown!), I mean, my situation is just hard! I don't know what to label it. I guess all that counts is that i do something to help -- medication, de-stress, get help with the out-of-control kids...i have been lining up a couple of babysitters (two are coming tomorrow!), i've been upping my yoga classes from 2 days a week to 4 or 5, i'm trying to get out and relax in the evening once in a while...

i'm glad to know your child pees on the carpet and laughs about it! i'm not the only one with a devilish daughter.

thanks for the help.

autumn
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#5 of 7 Old 10-10-2002, 08:16 AM
 
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Does your partner have a sense of how much you are struggling? (Which, by the way, sounds totally normal to me considering all the physical and emotional drains on you.) The worst for me (and I have only had one child so far) was when dh could not appreciate how desperate I was for replenishment. We had this battle about who was more exhausted. Instead of taking care of each other we were fighting for ourselves. It is worth really expressing your needs, with an understanding that you are looking out for each other, and at this point you are really in a time of need.
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#6 of 7 Old 10-10-2002, 08:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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cindi,

yes, we too have struggled with this, with neither of us being able to understand the others' situation. yes, we are both exhausted (i watch children for bulk of day, also do 90% of night duty, which is physically but mostly emotionally exhausting. i always say i feel like i've been through a war zone at the end of the day. i feel like waving a peace flag and giving up). My husband is gone 12 hours a day, helps with dinner and child care when i go to yoga class, and often does contracting work in the evening and on many occasions has stayed up all night to finish! he is so physically exhausted from little sleep that he literally cannot be woken up in the middle of the night to help when children might be up 10 times in the night (no exaggeration some nights). but i am lucky to have a sympathetic husband who does understand there is a difference. he can see the toll the children take on me and he does try to give me as many breaks as he can so that i can come back a little refreshed. not always -- we fight sometimes for weeks on end, and he is not so supportive. but lately it has been one of our good times and he is being very nice to me. i think i came very close to really snapping, i saw a doctor, i started saying horrible things to him, about divorce, about wanting to work full time so i could see the kids only as much as he did...i think it hit him that i was totally at my wits' end and he has been making a real effort lately. phew. at least that one thing in my life is as it should be!
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#7 of 7 Old 10-17-2002, 07:05 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by autumndawn

it's good to hear that an anti-depressant like zoloft can help calm down anger. i really would like to be happy and at peace with everyone! not fighting all of the time. I know they say zoloft is "safe" to take while breastfeeding, but that worries me. (I'm nursing my youngest two). plus, my husband is really worried about that. i think otherwise i would already be trying it. i'm thinking about weaning for that reason, but i'm afraid that would break my heart.

Just thought you would like to know that I have tandem nursed for over 2 years while on Zoloft.

I just came across this article that addresses this issue. I thought it was very good. It correlates with the other info I have found in my research.


http://www.drgreene.com/21_560.html
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