i am turning 30, few days from now.
i have two children, the eldest is two years and four months, and the second one is one year, and three months.
Both were cesarean, -failure to progress, fetal heart distress etc.
my second child has been a high need child from day one, life after her has been lot of strains and strains.
i have found it impossible to handle my kids.
i am from india, here its perfectly easy to have a helper-a maid.
And i have had them, to help me in taking care of my kids, but on days, when they are on leave, or when one of them quits , i have found the going un bearable..
i have always, felt that i have never been able to enjoy my kids, coz, i just didnt have the capacity to be with them for longer periods, or take care of them for longer times..
when things go out of control, i hand them to the maid,
of course, i always see to that, the care takers are good and loving, and i am always in the vicinity of my kids, that is i do not work out.
Its only lately, that i thought of taking medicines, to help me handle my kids.
And it has been harldy three months since i have started the medicines, and i think i do find a improvement in me..
Now the issue, is that i found out, that i am pregnant again.
i dont know how, physically and mentally, i will be able to go over this whole thing again..
i have always wanted more kids, but after the second one, i felt i just dont have the capacity to look after them, much though i want to..
Has any one had such an experience?
i plan, prepare my self from now onwards, mentally for this task, by taking herbal medicines etc.
can some one pls give me some practical suggestions.
Also theres the issue of close cesareans/preganacy being not very good.