Getting Over Long Term Mental Illness - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 1 Old 06-28-2005, 07:47 PM - Thread Starter
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Well, I want to share, because
it may be of help to those out there who are feeling the PPD.

I am a male, so I won't get PPD, but, in fact, perhaps I did,
as the baby.

I was born premature, 7 weeks early, so yes, I went through
cesarean section.

Unfortunate for me too, my parents divorced when I was four,
a vital age at which as a child one is about to gain long term
memory ...

So, when I came into the age of memory, indeed, even though
I cannot remember what happened to me, and I did not understand
my feelings otherwise, I was a very low key child. And my
mother also faced many challenges including being rear-ended
twice by drunk drivers with no insurance. I did also have a fear of
my father. But throughout my adolesence, it really didn't occur to
me that I was depressed. Although even as a youth, my mother
took me to psychologists.

But I think one thing that gave me hope, was my father's belief
in God. Although I didn't necessarily understand my father,
sometimes he would share a message with me that he learned
from his contemplation, and it would really stick with me for a
long time, because, probably it was the best words I'd ever heard.
Honest and sincere words.

But growing into adulthood, I never did really learn much more
about life's lessons from either parent. Simple things I learned from
them, like how to be honest, and also more complicated things like
giving to humanity. These were the focus.

However, it wasn't enough. And probably most of my life's lessons
were learned from television. I cannot imagine the same for myself
now, with the way Television has become much worse (in my mind)
for the kind of propaganda and capitalist schemata that are portrayed.
And indeed, it took alot of my attention, because it became my
friend, where my single parents could not be there for me.

I was an intelligent boy though, and I went to University. But again
life's obstacles are always there, and the television is really a very bad replacement for parental experience. It creates many poor visions of society, and destroys a persons unique imagination, virtually simulating the alpha waves that we create when we dream and imagine our own existence.

Establishing foundation points in life, I have now found, are keys to
growing in a healthy way. There is one book by Carolyn Myss, which
talks about this, looking at four or five different religious archetypes, she examines the religions and shows how they approach the
foundation steps in life. So that at each stage, we can progress
with a nice bridge. Where we knowledge of who and what we are,
at each stage. We cannot be everything at once, for we do not grow
that way, but indeed we can learn step-by-step, and in that way,
we advance. Thus, when we see on a puzzle box, that the label says
for 8-12 year olds, then we ought keep to that age range, because
otherwise we may jump ahead of the game, and lose track of our
foundation (postulisms also from the book "Magical Child").

Pregnancy, I can only imagine, watching my novia and baby growing inside her, is like a great opening, the spiritual opening, the moments when the woman becomes a great portal for the events of a whole new
life to come about.

I believing in reincarnation, have come to find that a belief in reincarnation, really is a greater answer for a solution for peace. Whether it is true or not, it holds more answers when peace is sought. For instance, it allows us to have the strength to know we are in a moment when we are always in control of our destiny. Because we are not going to die, and whither away, but we are going to live many lives ... We also don't have to fear death for the same reason. We can also see the events of cause and effect, and realize that we are in a continuum, and perhaps a past event is a reason for our disappointments. It also gives us total responsibility for all of our actions, and does not give us any feelings of hopelessness. We have the hope, if we find it within us.

Indeed, believing in the soul, rather than the body, became a major save in my life. For at my progression into adulthood, I had become mentally ill. Completely having become mistrustful of all people around me, the world seemed like a sexual mayhem, survival of the fittest, because what could it be, if it was all just physical. How could there be a change. And perhaps there was a messiah there that gave positive messages, but lacking many answers, and being a major cause of suffering in the world in a different way. To me, I believe I felt that there was a possibility for peace. I have always felt it in my heart, it was just allowing that idea, that concept to be my major focus, allowing it to actually be real, actually trusting each person, actually knowing that goodness is within all people. Actually knowing that peace was there.

But I struggled, because everywhere I looked, nobody was there with real answers. Nobody could give me real peace, where I could search for it, and not expect any returns, like a heaven or a big house, or a mansion, or a fancy car, if I could just work for it, to know that every one was contributing their peace, and doing it from there hearts, not much different than a tribe of ants giving their piece without expectations, only to continue living, and knowingvthe joy of life so simple.

For someone with Depression, I believe, the idea of simplicity has left, and there becomes a need to have so much more, so many expectations of one self, and always let down, as expectations can be very high. Also, part of it is confusion, and not really knowing what life is about. A third part is also pain, and not feeling trust in others due to some vital aspect of trust removed.

When I talk about trust, I mean the essence of how people interact. To believe in another person, to have the knowledge that each others experiences are relative, and that each person understands another and works towards each others best good. Trust I feel begins in the womb, it begins at the first initiation of life. Even between the egg and the sperm, in their meeting.

A recent reading I came across, described gestation as 12 months, not just 9 months. The first 3 months actually being the time before we are conceived, this is the time where the soul of the child finds the parent to whom it will go, either through it's own search, or through a divine direction. And when the child enters the conceived germ cells, then it's spirit becomes a part of the mother. And the mother gets every part of the baby's spirit, the most vital part, in contact with divine spirit, and the karmic part which comes with the previous life's actions.

In birthing, the woman releases everything, and so returns to her previous self. Having known divinity inside as a link of the portal of lives. Also, having two lives, increases the vital energy, the amount of soul !

At 25, I was hospitalized for mental illness, and the doctors diagnosis was schizophrenia. Having no concept of my own spirit, I took the medicines and they were helpful to a point. The main point, was that they gave me some point on which to base my consciousness. And my main belief is that it was mostly placebo, although it does have some tranquilizing effect.

My father was a Christian Scientist, and so he did not believe in medicine. He believed we could heal ourselves through positive thought. And I believe, either through my own spirit, or with the lessons of his, that I too did not need the medicine. But as I had no other route at the time, it became a resource.

And I went through several phases, in and out of medication, and at this point, I began to experiment with my spirituality, I meditated, I prayed, and I took on many belief forms to try and find one that made sense, that could give me a stable point to work from. At first I took on one very seriously, and in fact, it lead me to see the truth in different religions, and also to see the faults.

And just through the journeys in belief, my own sense of self began to become restored, and I retraced my life, I let things become simple, removing distractions, learning to breath, to expand light from my mind, to love God, to know a way that each could work together. And so my imagination became strong, and it lead me to a face of truth, where I could continue to knock on each door of knowledge, and find that which contained peace in its message. It was not a fact of being Christian, or Buddhist, or Hindu, or Muslim, or a Tai Chi Master, or a Yogi, or a Shaman, or an Indigenous people, a Mexican, an African, a Caucasian, an engineer, a doctor, a teacher .... It became my focus on the soul that made the difference, and knowing that as a soul, surrendering to God's plan, listening to the movements or breath, life and nature, seeing a path that was neither directed or indirected, seeing, becoming an observer, and an actor, having tolerance and accommodation, and silence ...

As I unfolded my wings into allowing beauty to become a part of me, and
also maintaining my responsibilities, I became restored.

While it may not take a mother with PPD 7 years of her life to remove depression, I feel that understanding the messages that the baby gives will be those most vital. Just take the feeling of pain into your heart. And recognize that it is only pain. Recognize that you, the soul, and the pain - part of the body - are separate, and allow the feelings to go through, and recognize them, and allow your self to realize, over time, why they have passed through you.

Learn to breath, filling your chest with light with each breath,
and learn to see your new baby with the same light. Learn these things
for your self. No one else you can make do anything but yourself. Only you can change from within.

Know the power of your new child, and also see how each human has experienced this passage in one way or the other, and give light to them too. And let the pain pass, through you, become accustomed.

Let the pain pass, for when you know why it has come, you will be able to know a little more. And that is what life is about, growing, nurturing, and living life as it is.

That is how I became free from mental illness, a 30 year battle, a short duration in the many millions of years that people have lived.

Love Lots, Blessings.
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