Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: stuck between a rock and a hard place
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)
Thanks for replying to my post. I felt depressed and had anxiety attacks first after dd's traumatic birth until about 5 mos., then again at about 9 mos. I went to a PPD support group at that time that was very helpful, though the S.W. there said she thought I had postpartum stress syndrome. I felt somewhat better once I was back at work again when dd turned 1 year old...but have had some ups and downs since then. Lately I find my monthly cycle is really having a strong affect on me. I get very irritable around ovulation and then exhausted, irritable and grumpy in the two weeks prior to menstruation. Also I have SAD and am affected by the winter darkness. My special sunlamp is out now and I use it daily.
Before dd was born I had a good routine of self-care down (exercise, eating well, meditation, workbooks, seeing friends, etc.) but since dd was born I am having trouble finding the time and balance for myself. I tried meds twice in my life but never made it past taking more than one pill each time because the side effects were so strong for me that it was unbearable. Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful for the help meds give tons of women out there. I just feel very uncomfortable with trying it again as I seem extremely sensitive to them and hate feeling even worse when I'm already feeling so low.
Dh used to be very emotionally supportive, but has withdrawn a bit. He simply doesn't have the time or energy to give me the support he used to, and quite frankly I think it's too much for him alone. I think he is used to me being very strong and would like to see me at the head of the ship again.
I need to get back into a routine of self-care....today I took a walk and my vitamins and omega oils. I stayed home to sleep a lot yesterday when I felt sick with a cold. Etc.
After I no longer fit in the one-year postpartum requirement of the PPD support group, I tried telephone counselling with my Employee Assistance Program (free counselling paid for by the employer) but found it really difficult to get the support I needed. The counsellors (at the PPD group too) were anti-AP, all wanted me to stop co-sleeping, it was a mess. I needed support, not to be told to turn my life upside-down and go against my and dh's beliefs! The thing is that the co-sleeping initially was bad for me as I could not sleep and it worsened my mood problems. Over time things got better as we resolved our sleeping problems--just let high needs dd sleep in our bed full time--and got more sleep than trying to get her to sleep in the crib for part of the night.
That's all for the moment. Thanks for listening. It's such a relief just to get it out sometimes.
Dd1(9.5 yrs) +
Dd2(7 yrs) and