Mamas with very severe PPD - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 34 Old 09-11-2006, 11:47 PM
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Wow. I have found myself lingering over here in the PPD forum not sure if I'm there or headed there or trying to prevent myself from being there. I read this thread out of curiousity and realize only now how severe my PPD was with DS#1.

We had gone through YEARS of IF treatments none of which worked. I finally get pg, have a baby and am left alone, isolated with no family support in town. I had major PP OCD with very disturbing thoughts. The insomnia was horrible. I was miserable for months, then things subsided some when I found a "playgroup" (more of a mom's group) for my infant son.

Today was a struggle. I am no where in the shape i was in with DS#1, but I'm not happy right now and strugglin with feelings that my DS#2 doesn't like me. Rationally I know he's am infant and isn't capable of such feelings, but rational isn't always what you feel.
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#32 of 34 Old 02-07-2014, 03:04 PM
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I am lying on the couch with my eight day old newborn on my chest wondering how I have lost myself in just eight days. Five years ago I gave birth to my first daughter and I felt as though she completed me. I never had ppd and loved every fulfilling moment of motherhood. I actually lost my mother to suicide a few months after my first daughter was born and I think, in a way, she became my emotional rock. Every moment with her fulfilled me, so when dh and I discussed a second, I thought "what a blessing that would be to have two to love like that." Well, three days after the birth of my second daughter, I suddenly panicked thinking "oh no I've ruined the sacred bond with my first daughter by introducing this new person!" I felt grief and loss, even though I hadn't lost my first daughter at all. I shook and cried. I wanted my old life back. I couldnt bond with the baby and plunged into a darkness that has consummed me. I have scheduled a counseling session but it is in two weeks. I was prescribed Celexa but am breastfeeding. I want my old self back so bad. I can remember her. It was only a week ago!!!
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#33 of 34 Old 02-09-2014, 03:06 PM
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Hello, congratulations on your baby. And I'm so sorry you are going through this. I lost a family member to suicide as well and I'm realizing in a way, this deep trauma triggered my downward spiral into ppd. I've been feeling thus way, not myself for a year and a half. I'm so afraid to take meds and have tried every natural thing in the book but my head is so used to being anxious, sad and depressed now I'm not sure anymore if I have the willpower to continue naturally. I know how hard it is to feel so badly, I've suffered so greatly with this. For me, it came with my third baby, I never had this with my first two. I went from feeling content and capable mom to feeling desperate and anxiety ridden. Postpartum progress is a great site with lots of helpful info and a private forum that is pretty active with lots of supportive women. Feel free to message me anytime. Take care.
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#34 of 34 Old 03-19-2014, 01:26 PM
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Have any PPD mamas tried 5HTP?
I'm curious about it...
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