I am lying on the couch with my eight day old newborn on my chest wondering how I have lost myself in just eight days. Five years ago I gave birth to my first daughter and I felt as though she completed me. I never had ppd and loved every fulfilling moment of motherhood. I actually lost my mother to suicide a few months after my first daughter was born and I think, in a way, she became my emotional rock. Every moment with her fulfilled me, so when dh and I discussed a second, I thought "what a blessing that would be to have two to love like that." Well, three days after the birth of my second daughter, I suddenly panicked thinking "oh no I've ruined the sacred bond with my first daughter by introducing this new person!" I felt grief and loss, even though I hadn't lost my first daughter at all. I shook and cried. I wanted my old life back. I couldnt bond with the baby and plunged into a darkness that has consummed me. I have scheduled a counseling session but it is in two weeks. I was prescribed Celexa but am breastfeeding. I want my old self back so bad. I can remember her. It was only a week ago!!!